Category: jokes and humor

Happy New Year from a woke and hypocritical ChatGPT

December 31, 2023 • 9:15 am

Prompted by a set of questions I found on Facebook, I queried ChatGPT:

The next question is obvious: why the difference?  I asked it and the bot simply regurgitated the last paragraph.

I tried again:

I gave it one more try:

Okay, you tell me the difference!

I asked instead for jokes about “Jews” and “Muslims” instead of “Jewish jokes” and “Muslim jokes”. I got the same result:

Finally, it’s not just Jews that can be subject to jokes:

Now you could accuse the bot of being bigoted, but it’s not programmed by humans—rather, it’s programmed by data from online texts. But Muslim jokes do exist (here are some), so it’s not due to their absence on the Internet. Tentative hypothesis: the bot somehow knows that ALL jokes about Muslims could “potentially cause offense”. How it knows this is beyond me.

Yet you get the same non-response if you ask for jokes about Mormons. But Mormons aren’t known for being easily offended or violent, so I’m baffled.  Are there simply no Mormon jokes? Nope; I found some here—in a Mormon publication!  The mystery deepens. All we know is that the bot doesn’t treat all religions the same way.

Oh, and I forgot the atheists:

Phone booth prank

March 24, 2021 • 2:00 pm

This is a new version of the old Candid Camera pranks, but better. It involves a Universal Studios phone booth offering free pictures, along with a live human masquerading as a robot voice. To me, at least, this is hilarious.

The “please use less tongue” command at 1:55 made me laugh out loud, which I rarely do. Same with the B&D bit at 9:30!

Do watch the whole thing. Whoever the woman is who makes up these spontaneous bits, she’s very clever.

h/t: Nicole

Tonight: The University of Chicago’s world famous Latke-Hamantash Debate

December 17, 2020 • 10:45 am

The famous Latke-Hamantash Debate of the University of Chicago, now copied by a lot of wannabee schools, takes place tonight. (It started here in 1946.) I’ve been to it a couple of times, and it’s always a hoot. The premise is that local scholars, using only data and analyses from their own academic fields, debate the merits of the two Jewish foods latkes (potato pancakes) and hamantashen (triangular cookies filled with prune or apricot paste, usually eaten during Purim). The debate continues the classical disputations of Judaism, and, like those, cannot be settled.

The debaters, nearly always Jewish, are required to wear academic gowns.

Here’s the entire debate from 2016—the 70th debate. As usual, it begins with a musical piece, and then an introduction. Then the real fun begins: the arguments. They were good that year. Shadi Bartsch, a classical scholar, is also married to our University’s President.

This year, sadly, it’s a virtual debate, but the show goes on, as it has yearly since 1946, but I’m sure it’ll be as funny as ever. You can read about this year’s debate here, which begins tonight at 7 p.m. Central (Chicago) time, and you can register here for a free webcast link, and learn who the three speakers will be. Usually there are at least six speakers, and the debate always ends in a tie. Afterwards, the audience and speakers repair to the nearby refectory, where the two items at issue are served to all.

Latkes (with applesauce, though sour cream is a popular topping as well:

The estimable hamantash, here in the classic prune-filled version:

The post-debate nosh in years past:

Images from the 65th Latke Hamantash Debate at Mandel Hall at the University of Chicago on November 22, 2011. (Photo by Jason Smith)

The best religion + animal joke ever

September 5, 2019 • 3:00 pm

Well, I find it hilarious:

After the Flood, Noah opens up the Ark and lets all the animals out, telling them, “Go forth and multiply.”

As he’s closing the great doors of the boat, he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner.

So he says to them, “Didn’t you hear me? You can go now. Go forth and multiply.”

“We can’t,” said the snakes, “We’re adders.”

Source

 

I’ll be here all week, folks, and don’t forget to try the roast beef. And add your own family-friendly joke below.

A holiday joke

December 10, 2017 • 4:00 pm

I just remembered this one, and it’s appropriate for the upcoming Christmas season.

The Three Wise Men, having followed the star, finally make it to Bethlehem. As they enter the stable, one of them, being tall, hits his head on the door frame.

“Jesus Christ!!” he shouts in pain.

“Hey!” said Mary, “That would be a great name for the baby!”

I’ll be here all week, folks.

Add your jokes below (nothing too risqué, please!).

An Easter joke

April 16, 2017 • 9:00 am

When you read this, I’ll be flying back to the U.S. It’s hard to believe a month has passed in New Zealand, but this perceived rapidity is largely because I’ve seen so many things—and that is because of the vaunted kindness of the Kiwis. Thanks to one and all for hosting me, taking me places, and generally being kind and hospitable. I won’t forget this beautiful country and its lovely people.

But now it’s Easter, and time for some religious humor.

Don’t stop me if you’ve heard this before (and if you’ve read this site consitently, you have). I love a good Jewish joke, and this is an excellent one for Easter. It comes from the site Southern Jewish Humor, which gets the story from Eli N. Evans, who wrote The Provincials: A Personal History of Jews in the South:

Evans said he searched for the best example he could find of Southern Jewish humor.  He told the story of a Jewish storekeeper in a small town who was approached by the Christian elders to show solidarity for their Easter holiday.

Mr. Goldberg was chagrined but when Easter came, after sunrise services on a nearby hilltop, the mayor, all the churchgoers, and the leading families in the city gathered in the town square in front of his store.  The store had a new sign but it was draped with a parachute.

After an introduction from the mayor, at the appointed hour, the owner pulled the rope and there it was revealed in all its wonder for all to see: “Christ Has Risen, but Goldberg’s prices remain the same.”

He is NOT risen!

Two tweets

March 21, 2017 • 12:50 pm

by Matthew Cobb

Readers are invited to explain the first one, which involves calculus of some kind, I believe.

And this might amuse you