An Easter joke

April 16, 2017 • 9:00 am

When you read this, I’ll be flying back to the U.S. It’s hard to believe a month has passed in New Zealand, but this perceived rapidity is largely because I’ve seen so many things—and that is because of the vaunted kindness of the Kiwis. Thanks to one and all for hosting me, taking me places, and generally being kind and hospitable. I won’t forget this beautiful country and its lovely people.

But now it’s Easter, and time for some religious humor.

Don’t stop me if you’ve heard this before (and if you’ve read this site consitently, you have). I love a good Jewish joke, and this is an excellent one for Easter. It comes from the site Southern Jewish Humorwhich gets the story from Eli N. Evans, who wrote The Provincials: A Personal History of Jews in the South:

Evans said he searched for the best example he could find of Southern Jewish humor.  He told the story of a Jewish storekeeper in a small town who was approached by the Christian elders to show solidarity for their Easter holiday.

Mr. Goldberg was chagrined but when Easter came, after sunrise services on a nearby hilltop, the mayor, all the churchgoers, and the leading families in the city gathered in the town square in front of his store.  The store had a new sign but it was draped with a parachute.

After an introduction from the mayor, at the appointed hour, the owner pulled the rope and there it was revealed in all its wonder for all to see: “Christ Has Risen, but Goldberg’s prices remain the same.”

He is NOT risen!

28 thoughts on “An Easter joke

  1. I’m sure all those who hosted Jerry will agree with me that he was a great guest – not your typical USian at all! 🙂

      1. I’m sure most of the commenters I’ve come across here don’t fit the stereotype of USians.

        However, a couple of NZ friends recently went on cruises on US ships. One was just before the elections. On that one he said he and his companion were the only Democrats on board and both friends said almost every USian on the ships fit the stereotype.

  2. That joke reminds me of something I saw along a country roadway as a child, surely an old, tasteless joke, but as a child I didn’t understand. On a cliff side along the road, some earnest Christian had painted “Jesus Saves.” Underneath, someone else scrawled “Moses invests.”

    1. If you do a Google image search for ‘Jesus saves jokes’ you will be richly rewarded with a lot more of these sorts of things.

  3. St. Peter tells 3 guys at the pearly gates that to get in they have to take a test.

    He looks at the first and asks, “What’s Easter?” The guy says. “Every year little children put on costumes and go door to door saying trick or treat, trick or treat. That’s Easter. Peter pulls a lever and the guy falls through a trapdoor to his doom.

    Peter asks the second guy, “What’s Easter? The guy says, “Every year families get together and have a big feast and say thank you for this and thank you for that. That’s Easter.” Peter pulls the lever and away the guy goes.

    So, Peter asks the third guy, “What’s Easter?” The guy is really sweating and stammerinng. Easter, Easter, OK, once upon a time Jesus is walking around the earth doing good deeds. There is a bunch of guys that don’t like Jesus so they go to the hardware store and get some 2X4s to make a cross and kill Jesus.” Peter is thinking that the guy is a bit off on details, but decides to let him continue. Then the guy says, “So they kill Jesus and put him in a cave with a big stone over the front. Three days later the stone rolls away and Jesus comes out, looks down and sees his shadow. Six more weeks of winter.”

  4. When my son, Nicolas, was about four we were taking down Christmas decorations, including a creche, when Nicolas asked me “Why do we celebrate Easter?” Assuming my precocious offspring had made some profound intuitive connection between Christmas and Easter, I launched into the story of Christ’s birth, live, and death, ending with Easter and why we celebrate it. Nicolas thought about this for a moment and then said, “What about April Fools’ Day?”

  5. I have something (kinda long, but has Easter AND squirrels).

    Yesterday, my neighbors had the grandkids over for an Easter egg hunt. Those plastic ones, with the treats inside. Apparently, they missed one, ‘cuz today, I went outside to see a squirrel hauling ass towards the woods with a great big yellow thing in his mouth, He was all happy, like he had just found the Mother Of All Acorns.

    I was curious, so I followed him to see exactly what he was gonna do with it. I get to the woods (where I had seen him drop it) and looked around. No squirrel, no egg, and then BAM! He had taken it up a tree and dropped it like a seagull to bust it open. I had such a good laugh, I let him have the candy.

  6. Technically, not quite an Easter joke.

    Jesus is on the cross and the gathered crowd hear him call out, “Peter! Peter!”

    Peter fights through the Romans, reaches the cross and says, “I’m here, rabbi!”

    Jesus looks down at him and says, “I can see your house from up here!:

  7. While it’s nice to be back home I sure am gonna miss your NZ posts. What a great country.

  8. Larry Gorman’s hardware store was suffering in 2009. His brother convinced him to hire a big city advertising firm to put up a few billboards. It couldn’t hurt sales, so Larry agreed.

    Larry was driving home the next week and horrified to see one of the signs. It was an image of Jesus nailed to the cross with the following words on top. “Use Gorman’s nails” with the address of Larry’s hardware store on the bottom.

    He pulled over his car and immediately called the agency. “You can’t do this. That sign will ruin business. It looks like I am responsible for crucifying Christ.”

    The adman thought about it. “Yes, yes, I see your point. I will immediately take down the signs and put up new ones in a few weeks.”

    Two weeks later, Larry was driving to work and saw the new signs.

    It was simply an empty cross with the words “Should have used Gorman’s nails.”

    1. I was just about to tell that same joke. In my version, Jesus is slumped on the ground at the foot of the cross, but that is a detail.

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