Welcome to Caturday Saturday, July 26, and we’re almost into August already! It’s National Day of the Cowboy, and, since it’s Caturday, I’ll show you an ad that combines both. You’ve probably seen it before, but watch it again. It is, in my view, the best television ad ever made:

It’s also National Bagelfest Day, National Coffee Milkshake Day, and World Tofu Day.  Do not spurn the tasteless tofu: it’s all about texture.

Da Nooz:

*As I mentioned yesterday, Trump’s pressure on both Columbia University and the University of Pennsylvania have caused these schools to cave: that is, to avoid losing federal money, they’ll abide by some stipulation of the Administration (article archived here):

White House officials have reached deals with two Ivy League universities and are now armed with a proven strategy to pressure other schools to rewrite their policies and reorient campus politics.

First, they strip away hundreds of millions of dollars in research funding, based on vague accusations that a university abets antisemitism or unlawfully supports transgender rights. Then they make demands, wearing down school administrators until making concessions to the White House appears to be the only way forward.

The strategy worked twice in the last month, with Columbia University and the University of Pennsylvania. That leaves at least five more embattled schools — Brown, Cornell, Harvard, Northwestern and Princeton — with decisions to make about whether to fight or to bargain.

The White House has touted the deals with Columbia and Penn as victories. But they also offer frameworks for wary college administrators as they consider which sacrifices are worth making to try to placate a president bent on bringing elite institutions to heel. Now Columbia has shown that a fragile peace can be purchased.

Under the deal announced Wednesday night, Columbia will pay $221 million and stand by an array of previous pledges, like limits on protests and greater internal oversight of certain academic programs. But it secured a provision saying that no part of the agreement “shall be construed as giving the United States authority to dictate faculty hiring, university hiring, admissions decisions, or the content of academic speech.”

Penn did not agree to pay anything, but promised, among other terms, that its athletics policies would align with the Trump administration’s beliefs about participation by transgender people.

“Two hundred million dollars is not a lot of money when you have billions at stake, and any corporate person will tell you that,” said Donna E. Shalala, who was health secretary under President Bill Clinton and has led four schools, including the University of Miami and the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

“Basically, they’re cutting their losses and ensuring their future — for at least a short period of time.”

Assessments like Dr. Shalala’s are deeply unnerving to many people in academia. Professors have spent months warning about how history shows that aspiring autocrats seek to tame and bully universities. They worry that settlements like the ones signed by Columbia and Penn will encourage the White House to conjure reasons to make more demands, and give administrators on campuses across the country cover to make agreements that could poison American higher education.

If this bullying turns out to be legal, and I don’t like it (those who suffer are, by and large, not those who are accused), then Harvard may have to cave as well. Fortunately, the University of Chicago has so far avoided this kind of sanction, but I have my fears. . .

*And the WSJ reports that Trump, having broken the spine of Columbia and Penn, is now pursuing other schools, including the big prize: Harvard:

The White House is seeking fines from several universities it says failed to stop antisemitism on campus, including hundreds of millions of dollars from Harvard University, in exchange for allowing the schools to access federal funding, according to a person familiar with the matter.

The deal that the Trump administration struck with Columbia University on Wednesday is now a blueprint for negotiations with other universities, a White House official said. Columbia agreed to pay $200 million to the federal government over three years to settle allegations it violated antidiscrimination law and to restore its federal grants.

*Damn Nellie Bowles! She keeps going on vacation and leaving others, far less snarky and humorous, to do her weekly news summary at the Free Press. The column this week, called “Skipping town,” is by Will Rahn. Well, I’ll still steal a few items, but I wish Nellie would stay put.

→ Et tu, Rupert? Trump keeps insisting there’s nothing to see here, and if you keep asking questions you’re just a Democrat agent, and it’s making even the most conspiracy-skeptical among us believe that he has something to hide. Fresh off a Wall Street Journal story about a birthday letter Trump allegedly sent to Epstein, the president is so hopping mad he’s suing everyone in sight. That includes Rupert Murdoch, whose paper also revealed that the president was warned in advance that his name appeared multiple times in the Epstein files.

That warning, as delivered by Attorney General Pam Bondi, reportedly came in May. The White House, of course, called it a “fake news story,” and the Journal notes that Trump’s name appearing in the files doesn’t necessarily mean he did anything illegal. It just means that he’s in there. Okay, so it’s illegal to have friends with islands now?! Geez.

The paper likewise reports that FBI Director Kash Patel and his deputy, the erstwhile conservative radio star Dan Bongino, want to release more of the documents. Bongino in particular is worried the administration’s refusal to get more info out will damage his standing with his fans—which is just what you want the FBI deputy director concerned with. God forbid he solves a crime; it may cannibalize his engagement.

→ Melania’s moment: Trump’s enduring (and somewhat endearing) obsession with the Kennedy Center—a glittering Potomac palace where Washingtonians go to feel cultured—is finally starting to pay off. Before Mike Johnson sent them home, House Republicans on the powerful Appropriations Committee introduced an amendment that would rename the Kennedy Center’s opera house after Trump’s third wife and our first lady: Melania Trump.

Now, with the House on the lam until September, we have no idea whether this will actually get done. The language renaming the opera house after Melania was tucked into a routine spending bill for the Interior Department and related agencies by Idaho Rep. Mike Simpson. He says it’s an “excellent way to recognize her appreciation for the arts.”

This would normally be an opportunity for Democrats to trot out a bunch of elderly Kennedys on the Sunday shows to say such a move denigrates JFK’s legacy and this isn’t why their grandfather made a deal with the mob or whatever. But all the old Kennedys—your Eunices, Teds, and Ethels—are dead. They don’t even have anyone in Congress anymore. And the most prominent member of America’s most prominent clan of Irish hooligans is, of course, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who is having way too much fun banning food dyes to weigh in against his boss here.

I don’t see Rahn mention that Beigitte Macron has three children by her previous husband. Isn’t that worth mentioning? I hope Macron sues the pants off the odious Owens.

Rahn thinks that they should “throw Melania a bone,” but I think this naming is horrific. It’s superfluous and stupid. Melania Trump has not been a particularly outspoken patron of the arts.

→ Sacre bleu balls! Far-right podcaster and reliable TGIF content generator Candace Owens is being sued by French president Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte for defamation. Her offense? Insisting that Brigitte Macron is actually a man.

Owens devoted a whole eight-episode podcast series to her belief that Madame Macron is trans or something. That is, objectively speaking, a very funny thing to do. Not that we believe it, but credit it where it’s due: Owens might be insane, she might be an insipid troll and bigot, but getting millions of people to spend their precious free time watching YouTube videos about how the French president’s wife is or was a dude is some kind of accomplishment.

“After looking into this, I would stake my entire professional reputation on the fact that Brigitte Macron is in fact a man,” Owens said on X last year. And she might get the chance to prove it in a Delaware court, which is where the Macrons’ filed their suit.

Now, I’m no expert on defamation, though I was bullied in middle school, so I have some thoughts. America has a long and proud history of letting insane people say whatever they want. So I guess my money is on Owens winning this one? I don’t know. It’s just hard for me to imagine a jury

*While Trump is busy demanding that sports teams re-assume names that used to be seen as disparaging, like “The Washington Redskins,”, he’s also ordered U.S. National Parks and monuments to remove material that is “anti-American.” He presumably means anything that would highlight the racism and bigotry in a lot of American history:

At Cape Hatteras National Seashore in North Carolina, the Trump administration is set to review, and possibly remove or alter, signs about how climate change is causing sea levels to rise.

At Independence National Historical Park in Philadelphia, the administration will soon decide whether to take down exhibits on the brutality of slavery.

And at Castillo de San Marcos National Monument in Florida, Trump officials are scrutinizing language about the imprisonment of Native Americans inside the Spanish stone fortress.

According to internal documents reviewed by The New York Times, employees of the National Park Service have flagged descriptions and displays at scores of parks and historic sites for review in connection with President Trump’s directive to remove or cover up materials that “inappropriately disparage Americans.”

In an executive order in March, the president instructed the Park Service to review plaques, films and other materials presented to visitors at 433 sites around the country, with the aim of ensuring they emphasize the “progress of the American people” and the “grandeur of the American landscape.”

Employees had until last week to flag materials that could be changed or deleted, and the Trump administration said it would remove all “inappropriate” content by Sept. 17, according to the internal agency documents. The public also has been asked to submit potential changes.

In response, a coalition of librarians, historians and others organized through the University of Minnesota has launched a campaign called “Save Our Signs.” It is asking the public to take photos of existing content at national parks and upload it. The group is using those images to build a public archive before any materials may be altered. So far, it has more than 800 submissions.

Since I’ve been gone for three weeks, it looks as though Trump has now assumed the power to do whatever he wants, including whitewashing American history. That’s not to say that the 1619 Project is accurate, but who can doubt that American history involved a ton of oppression of minority groups, including Asians, who have largely overcome that bigotry.  But our history should not be redacted to make American history look more sanitized than it was.

*Finally, zookeepers in Prague are using vulture puppets to save rejected baby vultures:

 Zookeepers in Prague sometimes have to become puppeteers to save newborn birds rejected by their parents. This was the case for a lesser yellow-headed vulture chick hatched three weeks ago.

Bird keeper Antonín Vaidl said Thursday that when a dummy egg disappeared from the nest, it signaled to keepers that the parents were not ready to care for their two babies, despite doing so in 2022 and 2023.

The first-born is being kept in a box and fed using a puppet designed to mimic a parent bird, while another is expected to hatch in the next few days.

Vaidl said the puppet is needed to make sure the bird will be capable of breeding, which it won’t if it gets used to human interaction.

He explained that the puppet doesn’t have to be a perfect replica of an adult bird because the chick responds to certain signals, such as the pale orange coloration on its featherless head and neck.

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Lesser yellow-headed vultures live in the wild in Latin America and Mexico. Prague Zoo is one of only three zoos in Europe that breed them.

In the past, the park successfully applied this treatment to save the critically endangered Javan green magpie and two rhinoceros hornbill chicks. The puppet-feeding technique is applicable for birds that live in pairs.

Here’s a video, and it looks like it’s working!

Meanwhile in Dobrzyn, Hili seems to have taken over Malgorzata’s chair:

Andrzej: Do you prefer that chair now?
Hili: Yes, I think it’s better here.

In Polish:

Ja: Wolisz ten fotel teraz?
Hili: Tak, wolę ten fotel teraz.

*******************

From Cinemma:

From Jesus of the Day:

From Stacy:

Masih has a tough problem now that the U.S. and Israel bombed Iran, creating more sympathy for the theocratic regime she’s trying to overthrow. But she’s still posting testimony from women shot in the eye while protesting.  These women break my heart, but they are STRONG.

Want to know what anti-war activists from Iran are saying right now?
While Western activists have gone quiet on Iran, I’ve invited the ones who actually getting shot at, to speak. They’re not debating war. They’re surviving it. Every. Single. Day.@kosareftekharii… pic.twitter.com/9ZCg2KUtWP

— Masih Alinejad 🏳️ (@AlinejadMasih) July 23, 2025

From Luana. You can read Colin’s whole piece here.

🚨New Data Flips the Transgender Bullying Narrative on Its Head

A new Finnish study found that trans-identified adolescents—especially those who identify as “nonbinary”—were more likely to bully others than they were to be bullied.

This study complicates the dominant… pic.twitter.com/QLdVHFfkGK

— Colin Wright (@SwipeWright) July 24, 2025

From Barry. Yes, they should eat some fruit before they die, though they used to be called “vinegar flies”:

giving all the lab fruit flies some fruit to eat for the first time in their lives, just to feel something

— Caroline Bartman (@cbartman.bsky.social) 2025-07-11T11:01:24.214Z

From Malcolm: Look at the size of this tree!

The sheer size of this baobab tree pic.twitter.com/EaIbob6UvB

— Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) June 19, 2025

From my feed: dog and dolphin pals:

Friendship knows no species boundaries pic.twitter.com/2o7IHYjlI6

— Nature is Amazing ☘️ (@AMAZlNGNATURE) July 25, 2025

One I reposted from the Auschwitz Memorial:

Gassed to death within an hour or two of arriving at Auschwitz, this Hungarian girl was only two? Her crime: she was Jewish.

— Jerry Coyne (@evolutionistrue.bsky.social) 2025-07-26T10:30:14.746Z

Two posts from Professor Cobb. I think this first one makes a fallacious argument, because things have changed once you’re alive and have been here!

. . . and a mystery fossil. Any guesses?

What the??? At a Miocene fossil track site there's a trackway from huge arthropod moving sideways (like a crab). If it was an insect it would've been 50-70 cm long based on estimates. It's freshwater/marshy deposit. No idea what made it. link.springer.com/article/10.1…

— Fossillocator (@fossillocator.bsky.social) 2025-07-19T17:15:23.371Z

Meanwhile, in Dobrzyn, Hili is observing events closely:

It’s Friday, July 25th. The clock has picked up speed. Paulina and Mariusz are present upstairs and downstairs. The administrator works from home in the morning. After a few hours, he gets in the car and disappears. Attempts to discipline Paulina prove futile. She’s in her element. The administrator calls her granddaughter and lets her do whatever she wants. She, the new owner of the house, is introducing a new order. She’s taken over the “Letters,” the computers, the garden. Always with Julia, who does whatever she wants with the administrator. It might seem he’s given his whole heart to these two women—one just over a year old, the other 28. However, it seems that something much more serious is happening in the other house. He’s also on the phone with Justyna, explaining what she needs to read and write now that he’s dealing with the adoption. There’s much, much more. Julia tried to poke me in the eye today.

In Polish:

Jest piątek, 25 lipca. Wskazówki zegara nabrały rozpędu. Paulina i Mariusz są obecni na górze i na dole. Administrator rano pracuje w domu. Po kilku godzinach wsiada do samochodu i znika. Próby zdyscyplinowania Pauliny okazują się bezskuteczne. Ona jest w swoim żywiole. Administrator nazywa ją wnuczką i pozwala jej na wszystko. Ona, nowa właścicielka domu, wprowadza nowe porządki. Przejęła „Listy”, komputery, ogród. Zawsze z Julią, która robi z Administratorem, co chce. Mogłoby się wydawać, że oddał całe swoje serce tym dwóm kobietom – jednej mającej niewiele ponad rok i drugiej mającej 28 lat. Wygląda jednak na to, że jakieś znacznie poważniejsze sprawy dzieją się w tym drugim domu. Równocześnie rozmawia przez telefon z Justyną i wyjaśnia, co ma czytać i pisać teraz, kiedy on zajmuje się adopcją. Jest dużo, dużo więcej. Julia próbowała mi dziś włożyć palec w oko.

Meanwhile, in Dobrzyn, Hili has been explaining things to Justyna

The administrator is indeed on vacation, returning only for the night. The house was completely empty, and Paulina had also left. We didn’t miss them. Before going to bed, the administrator was writing his account of the first day of vacation. It turns out that it’s impossible to determine whether this was the first day of vacation since November 1998, or whether he and his wife had been on continuous vacation since 1998, and today’s trip to the countryside is just a new form of more active recreation.

In Polish:

Meanwhile, in Dobrzyn, Hili has an update on Andrzej:

Hili: Our Administrator returned without ever leaving. He made a promise and broke it, cracked open the gates to paradise and shut them again. Now he insists that he really will take that vacation, stop yelling, and finally begin his time off – he just has a few things to take care of first, and then, today, he’s off. He said he’s going to the countryside, and either he’ll be back tonight or he won’t. Yes, I know exactly where he’s going. By car, it’s only a few minutes away. If he starts yelling again over there, the mood will turn sour, and he’ll come right back here. Which means the door to Paulina and Mariusz’s apartment will be locked. Then Paulina will show up with little Julia, because Julia is the one who calms the Administrator down the most.

In Polish:

Nasz Administrator wrócił nie wychodząc. Obiecał i obietnicę złamał, uchylił drzwi do raju  i ponownie je zamknął.  Zapewnia teraz, że on naprawdę na ten urlop pójdzie, przestanie wrzeszczeć i zacznie urlop, on musi tylko załatwić kilka spraw i już, dziś, idzie na urlop. Powiedział, że jedzie na wieś i albo wróci na noc, albo nie. Tak, ja wiem gdzie  on jedzie, Samochodem to tylko kilkanaście minut drogi. Jak znowu będzie tam wrzeszczał, atmosfera stanie się ciężka i natychmiast wróci tutaj. A to oznacza, że drzwi od mieszkania Pauliny i Mariusza będą zamknięta. Potem Paulina przyjdzie z małą Julią, bo Julia najbardziej Administratora uspakaja.

Meanwhile, in Dobrzyn, Hili is being judgemental:

So much for a vacation. He got back last night. Probably had a fight. Only lights up when he sees Paulina and Julka. Paulina slid a few documents his way to sign. What are they plotting now? The administrator turned on the computer, but the screen stayed black. He propped up his head and closed his eyes. Then turned the screen on, but didn’t type the password. Same mess on the screen and on the desk. He’s examining Word files with a magnifying glass. A pretty pipe bowl arrived from Katowice, without a stem. He cut a birch twig and then whittled it with his penknife. That’s how Sławek found him.

In Polish:

Niby urlop. Wczoraj wrócił wieczorem. Pewnie się pokłócił. Rozpromienia się tylko na widok Pauliny i Julki. Paulina podsunęła mu kilka dokumentów do podpisu. Co oni jeszcze knują? Administrator włączył komputer, ale ekran pozostał zgaszony. Podparł głowę i przymknął oczy. Włączył ekran, lecz nie wpisał hasła. Na ekranie i na biurku ten sam bałagan. Z użyciem szkła powiększającego ogląda pliki Worda. Przyszła z Katowic śliczna główka fajki, bez cybucha. Uciął patyczek brzozy, potem strugał go scyzorykiem. Tak zastał go Sławek.

JAC: This extra bit was also on Listy, and Slawomir is probably the Slawek mentioned above. Don’t ask me why there are cherries in the photo. Apparently Slawek came to visit while Andrzej, after his one-day vacation, was making a stem for the pipe bowl he’d received. Don’t ask me why the pipe came without a stem, or where Andrzej will get pipe tobacco in Dobrzyn. . .

What I Know Today About Letters from the Orchard Sławomir Holand I found Andrzej sitting in a wicker chair, in the shade under a lilac tree. He was peeling bark from a stick with a small pocketknife. He was delighted to see me and asked if I wanted something to eat or drink. When I said no, he said it would be a pipe, that he’d gotten a beautiful one, but without a bowl. With deep concentration, he finished peeling the bark, then carefully and carefully smoothed it with the blade of his pocketknife. He told me to check if it was smooth enough. Then he said, “It should sit for two years now, but I don’t have time.” We went to the kitchen, he left for a moment, and returned with a hairdryer.

Hili: The administrator of “Letters” said yesterday he’s going on vacation for a week. I was worried – who would feed me now? And then a miracle happened. The door to our apartment is wide open. The door to Paulina, Julia, and Mariusz’s apartment is wide open too, bowls downstairs and upstairs – full. The window to the veranda roof is slightly open. We can run all over the house. We have to put pressure on him to extend his vacation for the whole summer. Paulina is poking around the Administrator’s computer. She knows the password. We all do, even Kulka. He always yells that awful curse when he starts the computer. Paulina is sitting with Julka on her lap and typing something. For now, just in case, I’m not asking anything. Paradise, don’t end!

In Polish: Administrator „Listów” powiedział wczoraj, że jedzie na tydzień na urlop. Bałam się, kto mnie będzie teraz karmił. I stał się cud. Drzwi naszego mieszkania są otwarte na oścież. Drzwi do mieszkania Pauliny, Julii i Mariusza są otwarte na oścież, miseczki na dole i na górze — pełne. Okno na dach werandy uchylone. Możemy biegać po całym domu. Musimy wywrzeć presję, żeby przedłużył urlop na całe lato. Paulina grzebie w komputerze Administratora. Hasło do komputera zna. Wszyscy je znamy, nawet Kulka. On ten okropny bluzg zawsze wrzeszczy, kiedy odpala komputer. Paulina siedzi z Julką na kolanach i coś pisze. Chwilowo, na wszelki wypadek, o nic nie pytam. Raju, trwaj!

A special quiz Hili today, because, meanwhile in Dobrzyn… we don’t know. The internet tubes between here and Poland are evidently bunged up at the moment.

Hili’s photo should arrive shortly, followed at some point by the dialogue.

Your task, should you choose to accept it, is

a) Before the photo is posted, to describe, in the comments, the photo of Hili.

b) After the photo is posted, guess what the Dialogue will be, and put your best shot in the comments…

JERRY: Here is the photo. As Mattew noted, you make up the dialogue and put it in the comments. The real dialogue will be posted at 10 a.m. Chicago time.

Remember, the dialogue is between Andrzej (right) and Hili, and can be anywhere from two to four lines.