Grania died

June 17, 2019 • 11:00 am

This is very hard to write, and is written through tears. Grania Spingies, a very good friend—though I never met her in person—and someone who, as you probably know, did an enormous amount for this website, passed away yesterday in Cork, Ireland. She was only 49, and would have turned 50 on the 23rd of June.

She leaves behind a mother and two sisters, Gisela and Gunda. Grania’s father was murdered by a burglar in South Africa 18 months ago. Her mother is bedridden and doesn’t recognize anyone, so perhaps it’s a mercy that she doesn’t know her daughter died.

Those who follow this site will know Grania’s involvement with it: she was always there to cover for me when I was on trips, to advise me when I had a website issue or wanted to know if I should write about this or that, and to discuss ideas for posts with me (she gave me plenty of them). She also wrote many of her own posts over the years, keeping us up to date on issues like abortion in Ireland and blasphemy laws.

But more than that: we Skyped nearly every day and exchanged a gazillion emails. She had a pretty solitary existence in Cork, but I made sure we kept in touch. She was a great pleasure to talk to— always rational and sensible, but with a fantastic dry wit. As I said, I never met her, though we were in constant touch for at least eight years. She often spoke of wanting to visit America, and I tempted her with all the great food she could try here that wasn’t available in Ireland, like good Southern barbecue.

On Wednesday she became ill with what seemed to be a stomach ailment. Over the next few days it didn’t go away, and I suggested that she see a doctor. She didn’t like doctors, and simply bought pain medication at the pharmacy. Her illness persisted, and by Friday I began harassing her heavily to get medical attention. On Saturday she still wasn’t better, and I made her promise to go to the doctor—an emergency clinic in Cork—by Sunday at the latest.

Here was our last email exchange from yesterday:

On Sun 16 Jun 2019, 12:32 Jerry Coyne wrote:

Are you going to the doctor today AS YOU PROMISED????

Her response:

Yes. Im on my way.

That was her last email; she never made it to the doctor. According to one of her friends, “As far as we can tell, she collapsed just outside the doctor’s office some time on Sunday and had no pulse. They did CPR and rushed her by ambulance to the hospital.” They will do an autopsy to see what killed her.

It’s 5 a.m. in Hawaii, and my brain isn’t clear enough to write more, but let me post some pictures of Grania sent to me by Gisela.

Grania was born and raised in South Africa. She went to the University of Cape Town and then spent several years teaching small children in a remote area of KwaZulu. About twenty years ago, she decided to leave South Africa and take a job with Schlumberger in Ireland, where she did financial accounting. She was a feminist, a secularist, an atheist, and formerly an active member of Atheist Ireland. She loved animals, and often spoke of her cats Trinket and Pippen and her beloved dog Frodo.

A photo of her in Africa:

Grania just before she moved to Ireland in 1999.

As an atheist, Grainia would simply laugh if she heard me say, “Rest in peace, dear friend”. So all I’ll say is that she brought a lot of light into my life, and into this site—often in ways you don’t know about. I will miss her terribly, as will her family and friends, and my heart goes out to those who were privileged to know her.

This is the way I’ll remember her: with that slight smile I’d see on Skype when she pondered the craziness of the world.


354 thoughts on “Grania died”

  1. My heart is broken for you and for all of us who have enjoyed her presence and assistance on this site. This post came as such an unexpected punch in the gut. I’m just so sorry for you and for her family.

  2. Grania was an absolute treasure and joy. This is dreadful news.

    We were lucky to know her. I was going to put the word ‘know’ in quotes because we knew her only through the internet, but I think we are often more our real selves online, than otherwise. She was as real as it gets — certainly to me.

    I miss her already.

    2. Me too.

      I don’t like today. I can’t imagine what it’s like for her family members and close friends like Jerry. I hope there is some condolence in knowing how well Grania was regarded by people around the world.

  3. Shocking news and very sad. Special condolences to you, Jerry, at this tremendous loss.

  4. I corresponded with Grania a couple of years ago about her family name’s origin. Spingies is a surname secondarily German but originally Lithuanian in the form “Spingys”. A related word is spindejimas, a noun meaning shine, radiance and brilliance. Another is spingseti, to glimmer or to twinkle as would a star. The news about her was so shocking.

  5. A very sad news. I am sorry for you.

    Je vous présente, à vous ainsi qu’à sa famille, toutes mes sympathies et mes condoléances pour cette perte soudaine.

  6. Jerry, your life was enriched by Grania, and because of you, all of our lives were enriched by her. I am very sad she is gone. I will miss her informative and upbeat presence on this site. Thank you for the pictures of her.

  8. This news brought tears to my eyes. I too expected to see her byline this morning as jerry was some 8 or more time zones to the west today. I felt i knew her from her writings on the site and particularly a couple of direct replies to my comments. I did not know that you, jerry, enjoyed a skype relationship with her…so personal..i am very sorry for this very dificult loss for all but particularly for you.

  10. Sorry for the loss of your good friend. Perhaps readers might consider posting condolences here and lets see how many thousands we can get in tribute to her great life and appreciation for what you have given us.

  12. What a tragic death. The last thing I expected when clicking on WEIT. She was part of the furniture at WEIT, along with Hili and PCC and the ducks. It’s will not be the same without her.

    My condolences to you, her family, and to all the readers here who are grieving.

  13. This is shocking news. I am so so sorry to hear this Jerry. This is a monumental loss. Condolences to you.I always looked forward to her posts. I just feel stunned, even though I didn’t know her except through the website.
    She was so young. What a terrible loss.

    1. My condolences to her family also. I hope they read the comments and realize how important and appreciated she was on this website.

      1. I have given the link to this site to her sister Gisela and the friends that I know. Gisela has posted here, and I hope lots of other people do, too, to show her family how widely she was liked and admired.

        Thanks to everyone for their condolences. I and especially her family will appreciate them.

  14. 49 years is far too few, though of course it’s impossible to say how many might be enough. I’ve also lost cyber-friends, and the pain is the same as for lost real-life friends. Please accept my condolences. Not enough time, there’s never enough time.

  16. Oh no.
    Words are so inadequate to express how sorry i am for your – and our – loss.
    The world suddenly feels smaller, and colder, and a little bit greyer.

  17. I think this succinct answer to a typical filipant religous questions seems rather fitting.

  18. I just don’t have the words to express myself but I’m so sorry that she is gone. Please accept my very sincere condolences.

  19. Just in from work and looking forward to a cuppa and today’s Hili dialogue, the ducks and Jerry’s posting about science, Hawaii, atheism, the universe and everything and BANG! Weeping, though I’ve never met Grania. Bugger! Bugger! Bugger! How damned sad and unfair!
    So very sorry for your loss, Jerry, and to Grania’s family. Words now fail me…

    2. I am usually a few days or even weeks behind reading WEIT, so I am only seeing the news today. I am so sorry to hear of Grania’s death. Like others here I only knew her through her contributions to the discussions and especially the Daily Hili dialogues. She will be missed.

      My condolences to her family and friends, and to you, Jerry, for this loss.

      Tony

  20. I had always enjoyed her contributions on this website. I feel that I also knew her and I am saddened that she will no longer be around.

    She and I were Facebook friends.

  22. This website is the first place I turn to when wake up and start my day.

    What a shock to see that news just now.

    What a shock to have such a regular and much appreciated part of my life gone, just like that.

    My condolences to all and especially Jerry.

    So sad.

  23. A horrible shock, and very sad. There is something terribly unjust in seeing a good person die at such a young age. I always enjoyed and appreciated Grania’s contributions and it will be hard to accept she’s gone. Part of this website has passed with her.

  24. Shockingly brutal and sad news. My deepest sympathy to Jerry, to Grania’s family, and to all WEIT followers. Like most of us, I expected a Grania’s Hili dialogue today…

  26. I thought perhaps something unusual had happened because no new articles were put up this morning, but this news is the last I would have guessed. This is tragic. I am so sorry for those closest to her, Jerry, other friends and her family. I’ll miss Grania.

    1. I am five time zones earlier than Hawaii, so my posts will be late here, and, as you might imagine, posting will be very light for the next couple of days. I don’t have the heart for it.

      1. I am so sorry Jerry. Don’t for a moment worry about WEIT. This evening I’ll be raising a very sad toast to Grania.

        1. Yes, seconded. We can look after ourselves and we’ll be here whenever you decide to return.

          1. And so terrible for her family. It is, as Jerry mentions, perhaps a blessing her mum doesn’t comprehend. So hard that her dad died tragically so recently as well.

  27. So sorry for your loss, Professor. You were a very good friend to nag her to see a doctor. Sigh – we will all miss Grania.
    Warning to all to get medical help for any, but ANY, issue that lasts more than two (2) days. They say this about simple fevers that last more than two days; how much more so for a stomach pain. I’m reminded that Audrey Hepburn had a stomach pain for a week before calling her doctor (at the insistence of her son and boyfriend).

    1. Thank you, Nay. I want to second what you told us.

      My grandmother was very sick, but she didn’t go to the doctor because she couldn’t really afford a doctor’s bill. This was before Medicare and Medicaid (for which I’m stupendously grateful now that I’m old), and she was the independent type and didn’t ask my mother to help her with some money.

      Instead she grannie-doctored herself with chicken soup and mustard plasters. But she just got sicker and sicker and finally realized that she really needed to get help.

      She called for a taxi to take her to the hospital – it was late in the day and doctor’s offices were closing – but she never made it. She died in the back seat of the taxi.

      Our dear Grania is gone now, and this is a dreadful loss. I join Nay in hoping that someone will remember this tragedy and go to the doctor in time.

      1. That’s heartbreaking. My mum’s of that kind of mindset, that you don’t bother the doctor about anything unless you’re sure it’s serious, and it terrifies me. She got an infection in her finger in the garden one day and it niggled away at her for the rest of the week; despite insistence from the rest of us she refused to go see anyone and eventually she almost lost her arm after it went black up to the shoulder. I think it scared her, but not enough for my liking because she’s still frighteningly blase about illnesses.

        I’m sorry about your gran. How many lives have been cut short because of a fear of ‘wasting the doctor’s time’?

  28. Bloody hell. What a world.

    I wish we could reach through time and space and give people love, just place some of our own into their frame and vice versa, but in lieu of that I send you best wishes. Keep your chin up, I know everybody hopes you make it through this.

    I was reading a bunch of Larkin poems yesterday with a friend, and all I can think to write is

    – what will survive of us is love –

      2. With tears streaming down my face, I can hardly see to type what exceptionally appropriate names she had. She shared her love with all of us and brought much needed light into this world. Our condolences to Jerry, her family and all of us.

      3. See Post #104 from Bill Morrison:
        Posted June 17, 2019 at 12:29 pm | Permalink
        I corresponded with Grania a couple of years ago about her family name’s origin. Spingies is a surname secondarily German but originally Lithuanian in the form “Spingys”. A related word is spindejimas, a noun meaning shine, radiance and brilliance. Another is spingseti, to glimmer or to twinkle as would a star. The news about her was so shocking.

        Love Shines.

    2. So believers accuse atheists of regarding existence and life, human and otherwise, as meaningless. Your poignant and eloquent words, and your fervent wish, expressed because of Grania’s sad death, truly give lie to that base canard.

      Hey, canard means duck. I think Grania would have appreciated that.

  29. Shocked and saddened – I am so very sorry for this loss. I will greatly miss Grania’s contributions to your site. Condolences to you and her other friends and family.

  31. This catches all of us off guard. So sad, condolences to all who have known her. Grania will be sorely missed.

  34. I am shocked and desperately saddened by your news.  Grania was an integral, and wonderful, part of WEIT and I am stunned by what I have just read.

    Pass all my condolences to her family please.

  36. I’m sad for PCC and the community, and I’m struck how I take for granted that what’s here today will be here tomorrow. She can’t have known how much she was appreciated and how many her presence touched and how deeply. I certainly didn’t, until it was too late.

  37. Jerry, my heartfelt condolences. You have suffered a significant loss.

    I’m glad you put that last email correspondence with her in your post. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of witnessing the sudden and tragic death of someone way too young to die, and know all to well how the brain can replay “what if?” scenarios to torment itself.

    “What if I’d had magical abilities to foresee something nobody would ever expected?” “What if I’d threatened to never speak to her again if she didn’t live-stream herself walking into the clinic in the next fifteen minutes?” And on and on it can go, maddeningly.

    I’d encourage you to just take one clear-headed last look at the simple, concerned, and appropriately insistent correspondence you had with her, acknowledge that you did all that anyone could have been expected to do, and then gently allow yourself to walk away from that whole (imaginary) part of this tragic story. Of course, you may have already done that, being more well-adjusted than I was.

    Take care, Jerry. You’re a good man, and Grania had herself a valuable friend. I hope we have you around for several decades yet.

  38. I’m so sorry to hear this news, and for your loss, Jerry. I’ll miss Grania’s posts on WEIT.

  39. …Although I didn’t know her very well she always seemed deeply, deeply cool. Properly cool – in the genuine, rebellious, free-thinking way, not the commodified, hipster-clone kind of way.

    I know it’s not often you hear the following words used in an obituary but she really was kick-ass cool.

  40. Shocking and so sad. Sympathies to those who knew her personally. I’m sure had thousands of friends and admirers who knew her through this site.

  42. Deepest condolences to you, Jerry. You had a great friend in Grania and I’m very grateful for all of her input on this site. Try to reflect on all of the inspiring interactions you had with her over the years. Only 49, that’s just way too young. To her family, my sympathies and please know that she touched thousands of us on this website. I will toast her this evening.

  43. This is dreadfully sad news. So sorry for Jerry and Grania’s family. She had become such a familiar voice on this website and her contributions will be sorely missed.

  45. Jerry, I’m shocked, choked up and very sorry to hear that. Sending love and my deepest condolences to you and her family. Though I never communicated with Grania, I loved her contributions to this site–at least those of which I was aware! Life is short and precious and this is a reminder to value every day and treasure every positive relationship we have. Peace.

  46. Jerry and Grania’s family – I too am saddened by this sudden turn of events.

    Hugh

  48. Like everyone else who follows WEIT, I am stunned and shocked. I always enjoyed enjoyed Grania’s posts and her different worldview. It was truly educational to know how events appeared to her because she had a unique perspective. I am so sorry to hear this. It’s so sad. My sympathy to her family and, of course, to you.

  49. Just adding to the condolences to Grania’s family and to Jerry. A tragic loss.

  51. I can barely bear this news.

    Thrice I am just within this
    most recent last two months’ springtime
    — — gutshot.

    Any words of worth are lost on me now.

    Blue

  52. I always enjoyed her posts.

    So sorry for her departure, and for the loss to everyone she touched.

  53. A lovely obituary to a lovely person. Grania becomes pure energy once again, as do we all. R.I.P.

  54. So sorry to hear this. She will be missed by many. My condolences to her great friends and family.

  56. What a terrible and sudden loss. My heart aches for you, Jerry and all of Grania’s family and friends. She always seemed like someone who would be great to know.

  57. I am so sorry you lost your friend, Jerry. She certainly will be missed at this website.

  58. So sorry for your loss! She must have been a beautiful person…
    If you ever wish another Skype pal from a MOT, feel free to hit me up.
    Be well,
    Chatzkaleh

  59. Oh how awful. I just saw this as I’ve been so busy at work. How heart breaking that she died so suddenly and from what seemed like such a mundane illness….I wouldn’t have gone to the doctor either and I can totally relate to not wanting to go because it is such a hassle.

    Very sad and tragic to lose her.

  61. This is terrible news. Shocking – so young. I always enjoyed her posts. Condolences to you, her family and friends. Such a loss.

  62. Oh, Jerry, how terrible. A great friend gone so suddenly, and so young. Her voice and contributions to WEIT were wonderful, and will be greatly missed. Courage and peace to her family, and to you.

  63. I’m very sorry for your loss and that of her family.

    I’m currently out of Ireland but if there is anything I can do on my return this Saturday please feel free to contact me or pass on my details to the family, lifts from Dublin airport etc.

  65. I knew Grania in real life. We set up a small Skeptics club together in Cork back in 2010. Grania arranged our first speaker and we had our first memorable meeting in a cafe in Cork city where the conversation ranged from UFOs to moving statues, atheism, cults and antivaxxers, all to the utter bemusement of a poor man sitting beside us, who had no idea what we were on about. Grania had a wonderfully kind temperament and a razor sharp intellect. She was a genuinely caring and friendly person and I’m terribly shocked this evening on hearing such sad news. She will be deeply missed by all of us who knew her.

  66. Losing an acquaintance is sorrowful. Losing a friend who always covered for you is a tragedy. I considered her a member of your family. I am sorry for your loss. Let the tears flow.

  67. Sixty thousand people lost a friend today.

    History, politics, science, informative tweets you’d otherwise miss, and much more were the staple of Grania Spingies’ contributions to this website. Gone too soon. Condolences to her family and to Jerry.

    Andy Thomson

  68. What a shock! As an inveterate reader of this site I’m hit hard by this and feel so sorry that the wonderful Grania left us so early. Her posts were wonderful and no doubt reflective of her personality. My deepest condolences go out to her family and those who knew her personally, and certainly I feel awful for Jerry!

  69. Condolences Jerry so sorry for your loss. Our loss too – she wrote such wonderful stuff.

  72. I’m sure this is presumptuous, but if you learn what caused her death, I would greatly appreciate if you could share it with us.
    As has been suggested above, it might have been a burst appendix. My eldest daughter almost died of a burst appendix three years ago and, although she lived, she has had four additional surgeries and continuing complications ever since. As to the potential for it being an aortic rupture, my oldest brother almost died of that and if a conference of heart surgeons hadn’t just been held at the hospital he was taken to, he
    surely would have died. So many ways to depart this planet. One tends to imagine so many possible causes of death. The loss of some humans, such as Grania, is almost more than can be tolerated, even though the love remains.

    I hope that some of Grania’s energy can come my way when our molecules are nearby and we can find some way of getting together; “communicating”. (As you can tell, I’m not a scientist.) Due to the internet and this site, she has communicated with and made friends of many, many people who will miss her. I’m just one. Thanks to Jerry. Thanks to Grania.

    1. Although we don’t like to acknowledge it – sometimes there is not much between us and the void. We are actually fragile creatures. Condolences.

  73. This is shocking and very saddening. As so many others have said, I knew Grania only through this site, but I regarded her as a friend, and I mourn her as one. She will be missed by everyone in the WEIT community.

  74. Life can be unfair but the death of a great human being is even more unfair.
    No words can truly express loss so there will be many tears for you and all who knew and loved her from many strangers instead.

  76. I’m so sorry for your loss, Jerry. I always wondered who Grania was; now I know how important she was……

  77. This is so sad. And much too young. My condolences to those who knew her. And for we who did not, she touched our lives and now is gone, and the bell has tolled for one more…

  78. This is devastating news. What can I say? Condolences from early morning Tokyo to Grania’s family and friends.

  79. What a tragic end, I am shocked and saddened to tears. Like everyone here, I felt I knew her, and all of us did know her well enough to realize what a wonderful person she was.

  80. It feels very bad to hear this, despite my connection to her being only reading what she wrote. My deepest sympathies, Jerry.

  81. Very sad to hear this. I hope you are treating yourself well at this time. Yes, her writing was a good indicator of her personality and will be missed by every reader of this site.

  82. Very sad to hear this. I hope you are treating yourself well at this time. Yes, her writing was a good indicator of her personality and will be missed by every reader of this site.

  83. Bjeezus what a shock… Grania what a sad way for you to leave us, your reach beyond Cork with humility and reason will stay with me, what a fine alround person.
    Condolences Prof(E) her family, her friends.
    Haere ra Grania.

  85. Grania’s wit and wisdom will be missed greatly, she will also be fondly remembered.

  86. That is a shock. So sudden, too. I always appreciated her posts. They were an integral part of this site, and they’ll be missed.

    I only knew her from her posts, but I think she would have been a great person to know in real life. I’m truly saddened to hear of her death.

    cr

  87. There is very little more to say… I too am shocked and saddened and will miss Grania’s contributions with her dry sense of humour. Condolences to you, Jerry, her family and to the many WEIT friends as evidenced above.

  89. This is like a stab to the solar plexus.
    We share in your heartbreak, dear Jerry. Grania will be sorely missed. Such a wise owl with a quirky sense of humour.
    Too young a person and way too sudden a depature.
    Life is so damn fleeting.
    Let’s remember to say thank you and I love and appreciate you before it’s too late.

  90. My condolences on the sudden death of Grania, Jerry. To lose a friend like that when you are so far away must be especially distressing. The thoughts of your great community of followers are with you.

  91. An emotional shiver went through me when I read your posting of Grania’s death. The many, many comments here surely demonstrate that you do not walk alone in your grief. Peace.

  92. Shocking news. My condolences. I always appreciated Grania’s contributions.

  93. This is really shocking news. Like many others, I looked for a posting from Grania this morning, and I had a bad feeling when there wasn’t one. But never did I think it would be this bad. Much love to you, Jerry, and to Grania’s family. She will be missed so much on WEIT.

  95. My deepest sympathies to Grania’s family, colleagues and friends and to all who have lost a special touchstone in their lives. I have no words.

    Professor, If their is anything your public can do, ask and I wager it will be done.

    Grania, Thank you.

    Paul Peed

  96. What a terrible loss. So very sorry Jerry. It seems it’s always the very best of us who die so very young to leave the rest so utterly dismayed.

  97. Dear Jerry,
    What a sad task to put this post out.
    Thank you for sharing, I know it must have been dreadful for you to put it together as a tribute to your friend.

    Grania has touched the lives all over the world, memories of her will live on.

    Please stay safe dear Prof.
    (I can hardly see through the tears)

  98. This is so sudden and tragic. Although it is my first time posting, I have been a quiet member of the PCC community for years and I know how important Grania was to this website. My deepest condolences to her family, Professor Coyne and to all here. She will really be missed.

  100. I’m so sorry Dr. Coyne. I feel like I know her through her posts on your site.

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