Yesterday, after second lunch for the ducks, I was chatting with a grad student in medical research when I was—as I often am—besieged by squirrels begging for nuts. After several months of getting them habituated to me and to the way I look and smell, I have made them fairly friendly (I want to avoid bites at all cost!)
At this point several of them will climb up my leg and onto my shoulder for a nut. When they do that, only a quick turn of the head is necessary to allow me to kiss them on their furry flanks.
See below for the short video showing this. The smack of the kiss is audible.
I can now credibly claim that I am the only person at the University of.Chicago who has kissed a squirrel. I may be the only person in the history of the University of Chicago who’s done this.
If any readers have osculated a squirrel, let me know below. (h/t to the woman who took the video).
And here’s another squirrel begging for a nut, unaware that his face is decorated with a leaf. With his eyes on the sides, perhaps he can’t see it.
Recently, I have touched a squirrel’s tail on three different occasions. I snuck up on them, They never saw me coming.
My sister once found a baby squirrel that had fallen out of a tree. She raised it until it was an adult, then turned it loose, It lived on her patio for several days, then it went to live in the trees. His name was Hercules.
I’ll ask her if she ever kissed him, and let y’all know.
Just heard from my sister. Yes, she used to kiss Hercules the Squirrel .
I knew it! It’s impossible to have a cute furry animal and not kiss it at least once.
This!
From Steve Stewart-Williams on the evolution of cuteness
https://www.stevestewartwilliams.com/p/the-evolution-of-cuteness
and the new paper he writes about
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/behavioral-and-brain-sciences/article/theory-of-cuteness-as-developmental-investment/B16B092ECEF221913BFF17B0C5B8219F
“[W]e propose a developmental investment theory of cuteness [as] a motivational system that evolved to support prosocial investment in the development of inexperienced individuals. [C]uteness identifies motivated but inexperienced individuals, and elicits not rescue, but teaching, guidance, and social play. This theory provides a better account of which traits elicit cuteness, what responses they provoke, and how cuteness is strategically deployed. It explains why cuteness can be attractive in romantic interactions, why modern, learning-rich environments foster an explosion of cuteness and why women disproportionately perform cuteness in patriarchal societies. Finally, we suggest that, over evolutionary time, this system may have contributed to the domestication of other species…”
…such as cats. No word yet on domestication of squirrels?
First Katy Perry allusion in a WEIT title?
Gotta be! It’s a cool song.
A song immediately came to my mind when I read the title too. But the song I was thinking of was I Kissed the Teacher by ABBA.
OK, next thing ya know, the Woke Folx will be demanding acorn dispensers in the classrooms, next to the kitty litter boxes and 1-hour sex-change surgical machines which are already there (or so people are sayin’).
Cute story! 🐿️🐿️🐿️
Watch out, you could get a disease. You don’t know where that squirrel has been.
I asked AI and AI said:
“…it’s uncommon, but squirrels can transmit a few things, mostly through bites/scratches, droppings, or the parasites they carry:
Tularemia — bacterial, from handling, bites, or inhaling contaminated dust. Fever, swollen lymph nodes.
Leptospirosis — from water/soil contaminated with urine. Flu-like, can affect kidneys.
Salmonellosis — from droppings, especially if you touch droppings or nesting material and then touch food.
Ringworm — fungal skin infection, not a worm, from direct contact.
Plague and Typhus — not from the squirrel itself, but from fleas and mites it can carry. Very rare in the US, but possible in some western states.
Rabies — theoretically possible in any mammal, but squirrels and other small rodents are almost never found to be rabid and are not considered a rabies risk in the US.
The more common issue is what they bring with them: ticks that can transmit Lyme disease, fleas, and mites.
To stay safe:
– Don’t handle wild squirrels, dead or alive, with bare hands
– Don’t feed them by hand
– If you clean up droppings or a nest in an attic/garage, wear gloves and a mask, wet the area first so you don’t stir dust, and wash hands well after
– If you get bitten or scratched, wash the wound with soap and water right away and check in with your primary care clinician or urgent care”
It’s The Science.
The only thing that would have slowed me down in that list is rabies, because of its catastrophic nature. But if the risk as low as ai says, I’d probably take it anyway. I’ve only seen one squirrel up close, in Yellowstone. We had a good chat. It was absolutely beautiful.
If moar hoomins kissed skwrlz, our world would be a much better place.
Wonderful little God’s angels
My puppy “David” who rules my life these days, is VERY kissy. He’s not allowed to kiss my mouth but he’s constantly licking my (bald) head and “mouthing” my hands. We live alone basically (my wife lives in CT a lot of the time) so he and I are a “pack”.
I had a cat some years ago, when I worked in offices, but now I’m home I need the closer emotional attachment of a 2nd in command, hence puppy. He’d take a bullet for me. PLUS, his cuteness downstairs in public allows me to socially take over the neighborhood!
D.A.
NYC
more of him here: https://x.com/DavidandersonJd