The worst songs ever: 1. “Muskrat Love”

October 17, 2013 • 1:54 pm

I know I’m going to insult some people’s taste over the next few days, but I’d like to post a few of what I consider the worst songs in the history of rock/pop. Believe me, I’ve compiled a huge list over the years, but I won’t subject you to too many.

Near the top of any such list must be this song, recorded by the Captain and Tennille in 1976. It’s not that the tune is bad, for it isn’t, but the words are absolutely dreadful. Toni Tennille was a decent singer and a radiant beauty, but even she couldn’t save this one.

I always crack up when I hear these lyrics:

Nibblin’ on bacon,
Chewin’ on cheese,
Sam says to Suzie,
“Honey, would you please be my Mrs.?”
Suzie says,”yes” with her kisses.
Now he’s ticklin’ her fancy,
Rubbin’ her toes,
Muzzle to muzzle—
Now anything goes.
As they wriggle
Sue starts to giggle

Sadly, I doubt that bacon and cheese are on the list of muskrat (Ondatra zibethicus) comestibles; the species lives almost completely on aquatic vegetation. And where would a muskrat get bacon, anyway?

muskratmating
A little wine, a little bacon, a little cheese. . .

Some notes from Wikipedia, which also crack me up.

Despite Captain & Tennille’s stated uninterest in highlighting “Muskrat Love” as an item in their repertoire, it was the song they chose to sing at a July 1976 White House dinner honoring Queen Elizabeth II: the press subsequently ran a statement from a dinner guest who opined it was “in very poor taste” to sing of mating muskrats before the Queen. Toni Tennille responded to this charge saying: “only a person with a dirty mind would see something wrong. It’s a gentle Disneyesque kind of song.”

I probably have forgotten some of the most dire songs, so weigh in below with the ones you hate the most, and I may post a reader’s choice.

And I haven’t forgotten the Beatles.

Another person micturates on my rug

October 17, 2013 • 11:54 am

Note to newbies: do not do this (it’s an attempted comment):

Mcbart commented on Was Jesus made up by the Romans?  

Dr. Coyne, Perhaps you could like separate your anti-religion rants from the rest of your content. Maybe move them over to an ‘atheist angst’ section or something. I love your blog, but when I visit I gotta scroll thru all the shit to get to the good meat. I don’t know what the above post is about but it’s probably a good candidate for my proposed new section of your blog. You should consider my awesome suggestion. Anyway, I love the non-idealogical stuff. Keep on rockin’, professor! Take care.

Two roolz are being violated here.  First, “Mcbart” is impolite (“anti-religion rants” and “all the shit”).  Second, Professor Ceiling Cat does not take kindly to suggestions about how to run his website, which, by the way, he proffers for free. He doesn’t even get noms in return.

If you feel like Mcbart, either keep it to yourself or, better yet, by all means go to another site that has more “meat”. I don’t need the tsouris.

Not listening copy

New comic about evolution and natural selection

October 17, 2013 • 9:54 am

Matthew Cobb, who manages to find interesting stuff despite researching, teaching, and being at Dean at Manchester, sent me a link to a new comic that explains evolution and natural selection to young folks.  It might just be the ticket for the many people who ask me about resources for teaching evolution to kids.

On his website, Daryl Cunningham Investigates, he’s put the entire chapter on evolution and selection online; it will be part of his upcoming comic Science Stories. I’ve read it and it’s quite good. I didn’t spot any errors, although he does claim that criticism of the peppered moth story, in which I participated, was made by people who claimed it was a hoax.  Some creationists did, as did Judith Hooper in her execrable book on the subject, but several of us simply thought the original moth-predation experiments were poorly designed and not truly convincing. Those have now been redone, and I’m satisfied that the moth-color selection story is a good one.

Beyond that quibble, it’s a good comic, though perhaps a bit advanced for those below, say, ten years old.  You might want to read it with your kids.  It gives the evidence for evolution based on all the stuff I talk about in my book (embryology, fossil record, imperfect design, etc), although, sadly, it leaves out biogeography.  And there’s a good explanation of natural selection.

Here are three panels, but there’s a lot more.  If you have kids who want to learn about evolution, this might be a good place to start.

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A planthopper and a gynormous snake

October 17, 2013 • 8:01 am

Well, I’m not sure this first species really is new to science; it’s one of 20 species depicted in a Salon gallery called “Rainforst yields new discoveries.” But many of these species were already known, like the margay cat of Central and South America (Leopardus wiedii).

So it’s not clear whether the planthopper shown below—in the order Hemiptera, or “true bugs”—is a previously unknown species, but it’s certainly weird. Some of the most bizarre-looking insects in the world are found among the planthoppers and their close relatives, the treehoppers (see photos here). Salon gives a caption:

Many planthopper species exude waxy secretions from the abdomen, and these sometimes form long strands, such as can be seen in this photo. The long waxy strands may provide protection from predators – it could be that they fool a predator into attacking the wrong part of the insect, and the wax breaks off while the insect jumps to safety.

Note that the front is to the right, where you can see the eye.

planthopper
Photo credit Trond Larsen/Conservation International

And look at this monster snake from Phil Torres’s Twitter feed, forwarded by Matthew Cobb:

Screen shot 2013-10-17 at 5.07.00 AM

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This one is probably the green anaconda, Eunectes murinus, perhaps the heaviest snake or “squamate” (scaled reptile) in the world. Wikipedia notes the following, but also includes a long discussion (not given here) of the difficulties of determining the size of these snakes:

The green anaconda is the world’s heaviest and one of the world’s longest snakes, reaching more than 6.6 m (22 ft) long. More typical mature specimens reportedly can range up 5 m (16 ft), with the females, at around a mean length of 4.6 m (15 ft), being generally much larger in adulthood than the male, which averages around 3 m (9.8 ft). Weights are less well studied, though will reportedly range from 30 to 70 kg (66 to 150 lb) in an average-range adult. It is the largest snake native to the Americas. Although it is not as long as the Reticulated python, Eucentes murinus is probably the heaviest extant species of snake or squamate in the world, perhaps only rivaled by the Komodo dragon.

Can a green anaconda kill a human? There are records of two attacks, but neither was successful. But they’re big enough to kill deer, capybaras (the world’s largest rodents) and caimans. Regardless, I wouldn’t get as close to the snake as the people in the photo above!

h/t: Peter

French court convicts Scientology of fraud

October 17, 2013 • 5:46 am

I just can’t bear to refer to this organization as “The Church of Scientology,” for it doesn’t deserve even that monicker, despite the U.S. government having ruled that this odious organization is indeed a church, entitled to tax exemption and all other privileges of churchiness. But unlike the U.S., France has seen Scientology for what it is: an immense pyramid scheme in which people are lured into the organization, bilked of their money in worthless classes and “auditing sessions,” and sometimes punished in brutal ways—while church officials live high on the hog, touting their connection with celebrities like Tom Cruise and John Travolta.

And, after paying thousands of dollars to finally learn the secrets of church “theology”, you find it’s a bunch of science fiction pablum based on the imagination of L. Ron Hubbard, involving a space dictator Xenu, bodies stored in volcanoes, and escaping spirits (thetans) that cause us trouble by invading our bodies, removable only by paying big bucks to the church.

For some reason it’s easier for Europeans than Americans to see through this scam. Scientology, for instance, has a checkered history in France, beginning with the 1978 fraud conviction of founder L. Ron Hubbard and the head of his French organization.  Several members of the “church” have committed suicide after other fraud convictions or unfavorable results from audits.

Now compare (from Wikipedia) the treatment of this cult in France versus the U.S.:

Since 1995, France has classified the Church of Scientology as a “secte” as seen in the report of the National Assembly of France. On this basis, a hostile stance is generally taken against the organization. A 1999 government inquiry committee reporting on the financial aspect of cults recommended dissolving the Church of Scientology because of swindling, complicity of swindling, abuse of trust, and other nefarious activities. A government report in 2000 categorized the church as an “absolute cult” and recommended that all its activities be prohibited..The keeping of files containing personal information on all its members (and other practices), are seen to qualify the Church as a totalitarian cult, moreover “extremely dangerous”. The report rejected U.S. criticism of the French government’s hostility towards Scientology, saying that Washington’s protection of cults was “exorbitant”. [JAC: indeed!]

In 2005 the municipal government of Paris passed an official resolution so that unlike in Marseille, celebrity Scientologist Tom Cruise would never be made an honorary citizen, specifically because of his affiliation with Scientology.

Since 1978 the “church” has been convicted several times for fraud, and of course they cry “persecution.” Yesterday, as The Raw Story and The Local (an English site about France) report, a four year-old conviction of Scientology for fraud was upheld by the country’s highest court. Sadly, the court fined the organization the paltry sum of €600,000 euros—chump change for the “church.”

From The Local:

France’s highest court on Wednesday upheld several convictions for “organized fraud” against the Church of Scientology. A representative from the Church told The Local the ruling was tantamount to “religious persecution” by France.

The Cour de Cassation in Paris, France’s highest appeals court, on Wednesday rejected an appeal by the Church of Scientology against several convictions for “organized fraud”.

The Church had argued in a September 4th hearing that the verdicts constituted a violation of their religious liberty, but the court on Wednesday rejected that claim.

In 2009, convictions and fines of €400,000 and €200,000 ($812,000 in total) were handed down to the Church’s Celebrity Centre and a Scientology bookshop in the French capital.

Scientology leader in Paris, Alain Rosenburg and the Celebrity Centre’s former president Sabine Jacquart were also found guilty of taking financial advantage of elderly members of the Church and sentenced to two-year suspended prison sentences as well as being handed €30,000 fines for organized fraud.

This trial started in 2009, and the high court’s decision marks its end—for now. As The Raw Story reports:

The head of a parliamentary group on religious cults in France, lawmaker Georges Fenech, hailed the ruling.

“Far from being a violation of freedom of religion, as this American organisation contends, this decision lifts the veil on the illegal and highly detrimental practices” of the group, said Fenech.

The court case followed a complaint by two women, one of whom said she was manipulated into handing over 20,000 euros in 1998 for Scientology products including an “electrometer” to measure mental energy.

A second woman claimed she was forced by her Scientologist employer to undergo testing and enrol in courses, also in 1998. When she refused she was fired.

Of course the “church” is crying foul:

French scientologist minister Eric Roux on Wednesday told The Local the ruling was an example of France’s “religious persecution” of the Church.

“France is really the most backwards country in Europe in terms of religious tolerance,” he said. “We’re being judged for our beliefs, not our behaviour. How can the Cours de Cassation decide that our beliefs are untrue or fraudulent, but not say the same thing about Protestants or Catholics?”

No, they’re being judged because they bilk their members.  The “church” has a point that there’s no difference between the falsity of Scientology’s theological claims and those of established churches, but Scientology differs because it demands huge payments for courses and for “therapy” that has no effects.  It’s quackery.  You don’t have to pay thousands of euros to confess in a Catholic church, or join a Protestant one. In fact, I don’t understand how educated people, and all those celebrities, can see the church as anything other than a scam. Do they really believe that palaver about Xenu and thetans?

The “Church” of Scientology is appealing to the European Court of Human Rights.

October boots

October 17, 2013 • 4:34 am

It’s chilly, and so it’s time to deep-six the flip flops—and their annoying propensity to blow out when stepping on pop-tops—for boots.  Here’s a custom pair made for me by the estimable Tex Robin of Abilene, Texas. It was a real trip to go to that West Texas town, have my feet measured (that takes a long time, as they make a proper last for the boot based on the measurements), and meet the irascible but immensely skilled Robin.

These are calf, and I like the slanted box toes and stitching on the vamps (footpiece). These are, of course, made completely by hand.

Tex Robin boots

Here are Tex and I in his shop when I was measured for the boots several years ago. He’s holding one of his prize productions:

JAC. Tex Robin~
Photo by Jim Bull

Thursday: Hili dialogue

October 17, 2013 • 2:44 am
Hili was away from home too long the other day after being chased out of the yard by another cat, and they feared she was lost. Fortunately, Hili returned after sixteen hours of absence.
A: Where have you been all this time?
Hili: There where devil has his young*.
A: And…?
Hili: I didn’t manage to catch any, let’s go home and eat something.

*This is a Polish idiom meaning “At the back of beyond”.

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In Polish:
Ja: Gdzie byłaś tyle czasu?
Hili: Gdzie diabeł ma młode.
Ja: I co?
Hili: Nie udało mi się żadnego złapać, idziemy do domu coś zjeść.