Yes, as the world goes on its apocalyptic way, I’m pulling a temporary Andrew Sullivan and concentrating on other stuff. Today we’re back on language with a new edition of “Words and phrases I despise.” Remember, this is a compendium of language that irritates me, so do not bother to tell me that “lanaguge evolves.” And you’re of course welcome to put your own pet language peeves below. Time to air your grievances!
Today we have five, with examples. I can’t guarantee that I haven’t mentioned any of these before.
1). “Merch”, which is simply an “I’m so cool” shortening of the word “merchandise.” Here’s an example from Huffpost (click on screenshot”. (I’m surprised they don’t shorten “purchase” too, so they can urge you to “purch the merch”.)
2. “Sammy” for sandwich. This is really irritating, as it doesn’t even save any syllables. Not only that, but it sounds juvenile—something a two-year-old might say if she isn’t able to pronounce the proper word. Further, I had a mentally disabled relative named “Sammy”, and the use of the s-word dishonors his memory. This is from a HuffPost article on the “9 best sandwiches to pack for lunch.” I can’t imagine someone making one of these to pack for work:
3,) Anything with “-maxing” or “-maxxing” as a suffix. “Looksmaxing” is the most common form of these c0nstructions, and it simply means “trying to make a feature look as good as possible”. Here’s a highly important article—or at least HuffPost thinks so:
Grok gave me several other examples:
A productive slang suffix -maxxing (usually spelled with a double x) has become widespread online. It means “maximizing” or “optimizing” something, often appearance or a lifestyle trait. Common examples include looksmaxxing, sleepmaxxing, softmaxxing, and many nonce formations. This usage grew out of gaming “min-maxing” and later internet culture.
4.) “Advancements”. I know I’ve put this one up before, but I find it particularly irritating. All it means is “advances”, but some people have a desire to gussy up the word by adding four more letters. Here’s an awkwardly title page from the progressive Huffpost—one of my favorite sources for this kind of infelicitous prose:
If you want to learn more about the ice cream, here’s a tweet from B&J:
NEW FLAVOR ALERT! 🍦 Introducing Justice ReMix’d, a new Limited Batch flavor! We’ve partnered with @adv_project to churn up a flavor to support criminal justice reform and an end to structural racism in our broken criminal legal system. Find it near you: https://t.co/HWkZOdRYVt pic.twitter.com/JrybfmeY40
— Ben & Jerry’s (@benandjerrys) September 3, 2019
5.) “I haven’t done this” (or been here) in a minute.” This means exactly the opposite of what it says; the real meaning is “I haven’t done this in a long time.” It’s bizarre, and its only purpose is to show that you’re conversant with the latest stupid jargon.
I’m hearing this more and more, and always discount a person when they use the phrase. Here’s one example from Facebook:
Yes to all of these. I would add to #2, “sando” for sandwich is also irritating. The other annoying food phrase is “veg” for “vegetables” as in “I’m making chicken and veg for dinner.”
“Sando” I could live with. At least it’s keeping the right consonants. “Sammy” irritates me because it’s not a “sammich”.
But yeah, either one is an easier cluster of sounds to pronounce than sandwich, so I do understand the appeal. Also the whole diminutive form we use for nicknames in general.
In Australian English it’s a sanga, which introduces yet another (velar) consonant.
A stereotype of Italian Canadian English is sangwich, again introducing a velar consonant.
I wonder if [m] and [ng] are different paths of assimilation to the [w], which is both labial and velar.
I saw “sando” at a food cart recently. I didn’t realize it was a slang term – I assumed it was a type of sandwich. You live and learn!
“Sando” is the Japanese word for sandwich. [Since every consonant, except n, must be followed by a vowel – “sandwich” would become “san-do-wi-chi”, and gets shortened to “san-do”.]
But, I think because of the popularity of Japanese-style filling-and-mayo-on-white-bread-with-crusts-trimmed-off sandwiches, shops wishing to seem with it describe them as “sandos”, and so does the press.
I despise the usage outside Japan.
I just figured the -o was an alternate form of diminutive, like Jimbo, hundo, or doggo. And Jimbo goes back to at least the 1800s, so it’s not like this -o form of the diminutive is a brand new trend.
“Purch the merch” would make the use of the term “merch” almost worth it. As for the other stuff, isn’t Sanny or Sammy a British slang term for sandwich? Meanwhile, the first place/time I heard the phrase “in a minute” was in the Palm Beach County “jail”, and it referred to people doing a significant amount of time, e.g., “he hasn’t been out in a minute”. (It’s also where I heard the term “up the road”, which meant having gone to actual prison, not just jail). So, it’s rather amusing that people would use the expression because they think it makes them sound cool.
The British slang is “sarnie”, with an r in there (not sure where the r comes from, since there isn’t one in sandwich).
Sarnie is particularly used in conjunction with bacon, hence “bacon sarnie” as an alternative to “bacon buttie”.
‘Sando’ means sandwich as well. I had no idea until I ordered one in a restaurant. I got a sandwich, and confirmed with them that the order was correct.
Never heard ‘I haven’t done this (or been here) in a minute.’
Yes, “Purch the merch” is way too catchy. I bet we will soon be seeing this phrase in the wild.
Yes to all of Jerry’s. And I add to the list, the word “ever” when used with an ordinal such as first ever, second ever,….sixth ever. Seems superfluous when appended to first and I have no idea what the hell it means when appended to higher ordinals.
Yes to all you listed, especially “merch,” which drives me crazy for some reason. Related to the “minute” one is “in a New York minute,” which I also hate. What the dickens does that even mean?
Your comment reminded me of how when an Italian train pulled into the station it was announced that we would depart again in 7 German minutes. That needed no interpretation! But I have no idea what New York minute might be.
Good ones, all. I’ll add “every,” when someone says “every since.” Also “accessory” pronounced “assessory” and “manufacture” pronounced “mannafacture.” I’m certain it’s been covered already, and its use seems to be waning, but using “drop” intransitively for an item, usually a music album, that is now available for sale.
“Sammy” is high on my list when I read the “Words and phrases I despise” entries. When adults use baby-talk, it irritates me (even when they are talking to actual babies).
Another annoying food-related term is “ooey-gooey.” I hear it all the time on cooking shows. I wondered if I was the lone grouch about this, and found this Reddit topic at the top of my Google search list: “Describing food as “Ooey Gooey” makes you sound like an absolute idiot.” Hear, hear.
Tummy! Ugh!
The problem is, is that… Why is “is” used twice? Listen for the double “is” and you’ll start hearing it everywhere.
I don’t despise the double “is,” but it seems to be a new usage that has exploded to prominence.
That’s mine too! And often the “that” isn’t even needed. “The problem is [state problem].”
Hmm. I’d always heard it as “What the problem is, is…” It’s treating “What the problem is” as a stock phrase, but then you kind of get backed into a corner and have to add that second “is”. I’ve been guilty of that myself a few times. You feel a bit awkward when you arrive at that second “is”, but you’re stuck by then.
I hardly ever see this construction in written communications, because as soon as you find yourself in that awkward situation where you need to add the second “is”, you just go back and rewrite the sentence.
Oh, and those stupid ads on You Tube that start, “Home Depot [or whoever] doesn’t want you to know this, but there’s nothing they can do to stop you.” My finger is poised on the mouse, ready to click “skip ad in 5 sec.”
“Stunning,” and its irritating variant, “stunningly beautiful.”
“It’s been a minute” to mean it’s been a while.
“Artificial Intelligence”; it’s not intelligence.
“Sus”: I don’t even know what it means.
Sus out, or suss out. Or just “suss”, without “out”. It means to figure out. May be more common in UK. Not a neologism.
I don’t know what sus means either but it reminded me of something I haven’t thought of in decades: at secondary school in England we used to say “sussed”. I have know idea what it was supposed to mean and but I vaguely remember that we would point at someone and say it – god only knows why! (Well, possibly my brother knows – I’ll have to ask him.)
Short for “suspect.” Fairly sophisticated, actually.
“This melon is sus [suspect]. its been sitting on the counter for a week.”
Not related to “sus something out,”
I’m especially annoyed when someone doubles the letter x. (I’ve read of people naming their child Jaxxon.) Since x sounds like ks, doubling it makes it sound like ksks, which is difficult to pronounce (“maksksing”).
On another note, how did “dope” come to mean “really cool”? I was in Walmart the other day, and I saw a young woman wearing a shirt that said “God is dope.” I took it to mean that God is a stupid person.
“Nonce formation” and “nonce usage” are long-standing terminology in linguistics. (So they are not themselves nonce usages!)
“I was today years old when I learned such-and-such”
which apparently means “I just learned such-and-such”
Yes! As well as it’s relative “TIL”, meaning “Today I learned”.
Can’t stand sammy, or maxxxing. I like to use the triple-x for its raunchy connotations.
I’m hearing a lot of “juice” which is getting on my nerves. It started when Tom Brady became an NFL announcer a couple years back and he described players as having “a lot of juice” or “he brings the juice” and now it’s ubiquitous in football-speak. (Did it start with OJ Simpson?) I recently heard a meteorologist describe a weather front as “especially juicy”. Oh brother.
“Juice” is an old slang word for electricity. My father would say “Give her the juice” for “Turn it on.” When OJ Simpson was arrested for murder, there was a saying, “Give Juice the juice!”
My peeve is “kiddo” for child. I had always heard the word used to belittle an adult- “Hey kiddo, I wouldn’t try that if I were you”. So it sounds like a combination of juvenile and disparaging.
Agree on most of these. The first time I saw “merch,” my first thought was how dumb it was.
100% agree with these. But the applications of these words are appalling too. You want maxxed “penis-stretching”? What? Skull implants? And we’re going to “end structural racism in our broken criminal legal system” with… ice cream? Yes, buy our cinnamon chocolate ice cream and fix the world! How advancement-y. But I guess it would be accurate to call that “cool” (sorry).
The era of social media is amplifying the human tendency toward idiocy. New slang that comes along is always a hit-and-miss sort of thing (“groovy” didn’t age very well while “cool” is here to stay), but these days it seems almost cynical, which is the opposite of what it should be.
Let me take this opportunity to say how much I hate the word “funnily.” No, that’s not a word, “funny” works just fine.
Funnily enough, it’s the proper adverbial form of the adjective that should be used in this present example.
Totally agree. I was beginning to think I’m the only one left who knows what adverbs are, or how to use them. I reckon in another ten years they will be gone, and it makes me mad!
Adverb or no, I too hate it. Whoever saw or heard anybody use it before Gen X, Z, Alpha, or whatever-the-cat-hair generation dredged it to the surface. It sounds almost like a hyper-correction.
Pet peeve #1: Inflated words, like utilize, functionality, methodology, incentivize/disincentivize… when simpler words like use, function, method, encourage/discourage work perfectly well (and don’t sound pretentious).
“Never use a long word where a short one will do.” – George Orwell (Politics and the English Language)
I share your distaste for these words, especially “utilize” and “incentivize.” I would suggest they are far more illustrative of bureaucratic register than they are signals of vanity. Such words thrive in the places where good ideas go to die and responsibility is largely evaded. They are now the democratized forms of needless jargon that cripples thought and communication in some professions.
A more general observation: Much of what people post on these threads is slang. I wonder whether they are reacting against slang in general or against slang not of their generation. Even when young, I had an aversion to slang in general. These signposts to the in-group perhaps have little appeal to those of us who aren’t disposed toward the in-group game.
“Mom” or “Dad” used not as terms of address, but as synonyms for mother or father. “A group of moms started an organization.” I don’t know why this annoys me, but it does.
It’s especially annoying when used in headlines: “Mom kills kids, self.”
To my mind, that is not nearly as revolting as the practice of using terms of familial relation in application to pets. For example, referring to one’s cat as the brother of one’s dog, or, even more revolting, saying that one is the mom or dad of such animals.
I can’t stand “furbaby” or “furparent.”
Men saying “We’re pregnant.” I heard this one on a talk show recently.
Petty of me, but I like to respond to “furbaby” with “skin puppy” (a.k.a., a human son or daughter). More than one person has responded to “skin puppy” with visible revulsion!
“Advancements”: Oh, my God, that one is bloody infuriating. I can actually remember the first time that I heard it. I was in a gym in Chicago in the 1990s and I heard over the radio from which sound was piped into the exercise area an advertisement in which the announcer claimed some product incorporated “the latest scientific advancements.” I imagined at the time that there was just one scriptwriter who was a blithering idiot. Little did I know that I was only observing one little manifestation of a disease that was already rife.
Yes! Another inflated word that grates on the nerves. As if the extra syllable makes a scientific advance even more advanced!
Regarding “merch,” the Esteemed Professor observes, “I’m surprised they don’t shorten ‘purchase’ too, so they can urge you to ‘purch the merch’.”
I fear we may regret his having released this hideous neologism into the environment.
“Vacay” for vacation.
Oh yeah. That one is nauseating.
I love the energy of this place.
I will give it my x%. [where x > 100]
Low-hanging fruit.
It’s my truth.
Statistically significant.
Being one with nature.
Being one with nature. 🤮
“It’s my truth”, meaning: it’s my bloody opinion and may or may not have the slightest thing to do with actual truth, commonly known as something verifiable with evidence. But because it is my “truth”, you will not be heard to dispute or object to it.
Regarding “merch,” the Esteemed Professor observes, “I’m surprised they don’t shorten ‘purchase’ too, so they can urge you to ‘purch the merch’.”
I fear we may regret his having released this hideous neologism into the environment.
“Merch” is a grade of timber that is not up to construction specifications, and therefore cheaper, and I suspect it is short for “merchandisable” or “merchantable”.
Fabricators, such as car customizers, have taken to saying “fitment” instead of “fit.”
And remember the creationists using “evidences” (plural)?
Newscasters telling us that they “will break it down” for us apparent idiots.
National news outlets constantly telling us that they have “breaking news” when the stories are often hours old, especially if you’re not in the eastern time zone.
“Unpack” for “explain” bugs me. So does “deep dive” for “lengthy explanation.”
Totally agree!
There are so very many, but I’ll note just one
It’s the to-me absurd “the proof is in the pudding.” Perhaps if you’ve hidden a murder weapon there, or compromising letters…
The correct and sense-making phrase is “the proof of the pudding is in the eating.,”
I’m going to dissent on merch. It is not a synonym for merchandise. It has a specific meaning, namely, physical items that are for sale in order to capitalize on the fame of a person or a phenomenon. It started with bands, which primarily made money through their music, also selling t-shirts, guitar picks, etc., which were described as their merch. I like to collect Starbucks tumblers, which I would consider merch. But a tumbler you buy at the supermarket is not merch.
P. S. If you Google “purch the merch,” in quotes, you’ll find out that others have beaten Professor Ceiling Cat to this phrase.
Are we, perhaps, simply a bit old for mixing with the slang-forming groups? Slang is largely a ‘let’s confuse our parents’ phenomenon, and it arises amongst those young enough to still need to individuate.
The UK is likely the world’s hotspot for “slang churn.” At my first return to the UK after emigrating to Canada it seemed as if everyone spoke a new language, with strange slang terms and bafflement at some of the old ones.
Anyway, if I had a lawn I would definitely join our host at yelling at the kids on it.
I’m largely a descriptivist, and willing to roll with most slang. I mean, we don’t speak like Shakespeare, anymore, and society still hasn’t collapsed.
Bug damnit, “gif” is an actual invented word created in 1987, and the guy who invented told everyone how it’s supposed to be pronounced. It’s just like gin, but with an f. That’s a hill I will die on.