The Great Agnostic praises a fine dram

August 1, 2016 • 1:30 pm

For a lighthearted end of the day, here’s a series of letters from and to the Great Agnostic, Robert G. Ingersoll. I’ve read quite a bit of his stuff, and he was the most eloquent and “strident” atheist writer of his time—the Hitchens of the 19th century. By all accounts Ingersoll, despite his nonbelief, was a saintly man, widely beloved and, like Hitchens, a fierce and unbeatable speaker on the platform.

Reader Ginger K. called my attention to a new post at Letters of Note, which reproduces a lovely letter that Ingersoll sent his future son-in-law, Walton Brown, along with a bottle of fine whiskey (Ingersoll was, as befits a heathen, a lover of good food and drink). The letter was apparently widely circulated and reprinted in The Nation; but it angered J. M. Buckley, editor of The Christian Advocate, who printed a response. Both letters are reproduced below:

89 Fifth Avenue
New York

Walston H. Brown, Esq.

April 16, 1887

My dear Friend,

I send you some of the most wonderful whiskey that ever drove the skeleton from a feast or painted landscapes in the brain of man. It is the mingled souls of wheat and corn. In it you will find the sunshine and the shadows that chased each other over the billowy fields; the breath of June; the carol of the lark; the dews of night; the wealth of summer and autumn’s rich content, all golden with imprisoned light.

Drink it—and you will hear the voices of men and maidens singing the “Harvest Home,” mingled with the laughter of children.
Drink it—and you will feel within your blood the star-lit dawns, the dreamy, tawny dusks of many perfect days.

For forty years this liquid joy has been within the happy staves of oak, longing to touch the lips of men.

Yours always,
R. G. Ingersoll
*********

My dear Bob,

I return to you some of the most wonderful whiskey that ever brought a skeleton into the closet or painted scenes of lust and bloodshed in the brain of man. It is the ghost of wheat and corn, crazed by the loss of their natural bodies. In it you will find a transient sunshine chased by a shadow as cold as an Arctic midnight, in which the breath of June grows icy, and the carol of the lark gives place to the foreboding cry of the raven.

Drink it—and you will have woe, sorrow, babbling and wounds without cause. Your eyes shall behold strange women and your heart shall utter perverse things.
Drink it—and you shall hear the voices of demons shrieking, women wailing, children mourning the loss of a father who yet lives.
Drink it—and long serpents will hiss in your ears, coil themselves about your neck and seize you with their fangs. ‘At last it biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder.’

For forty years this liquid death has been confined with staves of oak, harmless there as pure water. I send it to your mouth to steal away your brains, and yet I call myself your friend.

Rev. Dr. J. M. Buckley
robert-ingersoll-loc-photo-01
R. G. Ingersoll

25 thoughts on “The Great Agnostic praises a fine dram”

    1. Here here. Aged spirits make us the paragon of animals but they also make a proud man’s contumely.

  4. Puritanism: “The haunting feeling that someone, somewhere, might be happy”

    Puritan: “A pious gentleman, who believed in letting all people do as he liked”

    Ambrose Bierce

  5. Dear. Rev. Buckley,

    Spoken as if a true alcoholic, maybe reformed, maybe not.

  6. I imagine the Rev Buckley didn’t get many party invitations. Certainly a testament to the saying that mystery loves company.

    1. To be the greatest orator of the 19th century, that is saying the 19th century was the greatest time of the orator.

      Ingersoll quotes are some of the best –

      If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the new Testament he would be insane.

  10. The following is a Wikipedia article on whiskey in America:

    https://www.history.org/Foundation/journal/Summer08/whiskey.cfm

    There was a period of time when it was thought that drinking spirits was healthier than drinking water. There was an element of truth in that notion, as much water was contaminated and caused disease. This (and other factors) led to whole families drinking alcoholic beverages, including the children in some cases. And, some people overindulged with negative consequences to family. Taxation efforts at various times on the part of the government and legislation to prevent the sale of alcohol led to prohibition and all that entailed.

    In these two letters, you see both extremes of the position on alcoholic beverages.

      1. Agreed. I’d love to know which whisk(e)y he is praising so fulsomely. All we know is that it has been aged 40 years, which is exceptional. His reference to corn implies an American version, but I’d like to think perhaps a fine soft Speyside malt.

        1. Touring the Malt Whisky Trail has been high on my list of things to do before the end. Haven’t managed it yet. Perhaps within the next couple of years. I haven’t been to the UK since about 1978.

  13. I think being in the company of Dr Buckley would drive any man to drink. Miserable old cove.

  14. Loved it, thanks!

    I’m so often amazed by the writing of people in the past. Ingersoll is obviously a talent, but even war letters to lovers or to home from men serving in the first world war and before…the use, and grasp, of language seemed so much richer and more evocative.

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