Proof of Ceiling Cat/Arguments not for Ceiling Cat

July 8, 2011 • 12:59 pm

One of the best parts of the LOLcat Bible Project (which I srsly regard as one of the best weapons against religion) is its ancillary page of “Proofs of Ceiling Cat” and “Awgooments not for Ceiling Cat”.  If you crave sophisticatted theology, this is a place to find some hilarious spoofs of traditional pro- and anti-God arguments. I’ll give just two of each, but there are many more:

Arguments for Ceiling Cat:

  • Felinopik Prinsipul.  Teh howse is jus riet for us kittehs. Is not too cowd or too hot. Is jus niec an warm an cuddlee. Teh hoomins gif us fud wen we ask an scrach us wen we mew qyoot. We gets to slepe anywhar an teh hoomins even gif us warm piels of cleen close to lay on. How awesoem!If Ceiling Cat dint ecksist how cud all of dis happun? If teh howse wus too cowd we wud be ded kittehs wif ice! If teh howse wus too hot we wud be ded kittehs wif crispees! If hoomins not der to feed us we wud be reely skinneh and ded kittehs. If Ceiling Cat dint maek hoomins for us sleepin anywhar wud not be fun! An no cleen close to slepe on!Evewythin in howse is riet for kitteh and dat is how we kno Ceiling Cat is reel, srsly.
  • Paffschal’s Wayjjor.  Paffshcal wus clever kitteh hu wus laik: “I am not knoin if teh Ceiling Cat is reel.” Oh noes! But Paffshcal was thinkin an thinkin, an he wus laik “If I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be gettin cheezburger. But if I has no beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be getting pwned. If there no Ceiling Cat, no matter anywai. I think I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat.”

Arguments not for Ceiling Cat

  • Infinit Wegeshun.  Look around an see niec stuff liek kitteh an hooman an cheezburger an iz so niec mus be maded by reeeel smarty catz. But hoo can has maded smarty catz? Mus be reeeeel reeeeeel smarty catz. Srsly. But who can has maded reeeeel reeeeeel smarty catz? Dis jus give smarty catz maded smarty catz for eva an iz, liek, stoopid. Insted, can has evolution. Evolution is, liek, oh hai? u wants cheezburger u wait. Srsly. Iz gotta start simpul an bild an bild an bild til I can has reeel complex stuff. Even cheezburger. Evolution no can has kitteh littrboxz so need moar luck, but anthropic prinshipul say can has stuff even reeel smarty catz not imagin. Srsly. So no need Ceiling Cat. kthxbai
  • Awgooment from No Has Cheezburger. If Ceiling Cat wuz reel, He iz gud kitteh nd haz teh powerz to pwn evrywun. But if Ceiling Cat wuz gud kitteh, then He wants all teh kittehs to haz cheezburger. Nd if Ceiling Cat has powerz to pwn evrywun, He haz powerz tu gives all teh kittehs cheezburger. But sum kittehs no has cheezburger. :'( So Ceiling Cat iz not reel.(Sum n00bs say this iz becoz Ceiling Cat gived us Free Will, and teh reel reason some kittehs no has cheezburger is becoz other kittehs yuze Free Willz tu steel cheezburger and eated it—not Ceiling Cat’s fawlt! But this splaination not plausibling: everycat knowz that cheezburger iz better than Free Will. Sum saiz dat Free Will maeks sum kittehs not wantz Ceiling Cat, an dey livz in teh toylut bowl cuz dey refwse beelevin in Ceiling Cat. Not Ceiling Cat’s fawlt! kthxbye)

37 thoughts on “Proof of Ceiling Cat/Arguments not for Ceiling Cat

  1. And I didn’t think that theology could get any more annoying ….

    Srsly. I can take the captioned photos. I can even like the captioned photos. But reading more than 2 sentences of this stuff sends me back to my memories of trying to plow through “Uncle Remus.” A little bit of dialect goes a long way. Sho’ nuff.

  2. Not being fluent in LOLcat I had to read parts of it out loud. As I improved I found myself reading with a squeaky voice. Then I started giggling to myself at how stupid I sounded. And then the significant other walked in and fixed me with gimlet stare.

  3. Thanks for the laugh! I needed a break from all that free will stuff. Srsly. (Oh, wait…)

    I have had that site bookmarked since forever.

  4. Ceiling cat made the national news last night … as the debt ceiling cat. Same picture, but it seemed like a cheap knock off that missed the point. I think I was watching Chris Matthews or Rachel Maddow.

  5. Teh, teh, teh! Ceiling Cat Almighty!
    Early in the morning we shall rise to thee.
    Teh, teh, teh! Merciful and mighty,
    Felid in three kittehs, blessed Triniteh!

  6. But wait — all cats are divine! And why would gods waste their time wondering whether or not there are any gods? Why the special attention to cats in ceilings, too — is there a theory that divinity is positional?

    Sorry, it seems I really am pretty bad at theology. Even this bit doesn’t make any sense to me….



    1. It is the circle of ceiling cat life.

      (In fact I have never heard that song & hope to keep it that way!)

    2. “is there a theory that divinity is positional?”

      Ceiling Cat’s special status arises from the undeniable truth that “Ceiling Cat is watching you masturbate”.

      The particular activity of watching people spank off has for several millennia now been incorrectly ascribed as a property of the supposedly omniscient Judeo-Christian god. Since no such being actually exists, it is left to the more serious modern theologian to conclude that in fact it is Ceiling Cat who is the true supreme being of our universe.

      Exactly why Ceiling Cat is watching us masturbate remains a mystery, though some have speculated it may involve “teh lulz”.

  7. everycat knowz that cheezburger iz better than Free Will


    One small point, every good kitteh knows that is a picture of Happy Cat, only son of Ceiling Cat.

  8. Ben Goren — assuming you are serious and actually want an explanation, the reference to a cat in the ceiling is meant to satirize the divinity that religious folk sometimes claim to be “up there”. Y’know, in heaven. Don’t apologise about being bad at theology. Nobody is any good at it.

    1. Oh, I’m well aware of the Ceiling Cat Intertubes meme.

      It’s just…well, as I wrote. Isn’t it obvious? If all cats are divine (and they most assuredly are), then why even wonder whether or not cats in ceilings are gods? Of course they are!

      Might as well ask if smelly bear shit in the woods is wet or not….


  9. “… can has evolution. … So no need Ceiling Cat. kthxbai”


    “Sum n00bs say”

    (^o^) (^o^) (^o^)

    A mewty kitteh at prrrowl was Ceiling Cat,
    his place where teh owl sashimi sat.
    “Om nom nom”,
    his jowl glom,
    “Teh-ology of fishies de-murr I haz’t.”

  10. Nice post, but what’s the motivation behind the odd spelling? It makes it reading laborious, but for what gain?

      1. “We’re so wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully
        Wonderfully pretty!
        Oh you know that I’d do anything for you…
        We should have each other to tea huh?
        We should have each other with cream
        Then curl up by the fire
        And sleep for awhile
        It’s the grooviest thing
        It’s the perfect dream”.
        (Lovecats – The Cure)

  11. Nice post, but what’s the motivation behind the odd spelling? It makes reading it laborious, but for what gain?

    1. Andrew – re the motivation behind the odd spelling:

      I’ve always understood it to be the thoughts of the cats – their own english slang. Sort of like Ebonics. In this case, Catonicz?

      Messiah Cat – v. funny!

      1. A new employee this year saw the “I Has a Dream” LOLcat poster on my office door around MLK day and nervously asked if there wouldn’t be trouble because of it.

        When asked why he thought it might, he said, “because it’s in Ebonics and is making fun of that language”


    2. Welcome to the internet, Andrew! I think this video explains it best.

      By the way, I’m a Nigerian prince with some money to move — care to help?

      1. Are you sure you are not the president of another country who has cancer/died in a plane crash etc…?

      2. Thank you, everyone, for filling me in. And here I was thinking for the last year or so that Ceiling Cat was one of Jerry’s creations.
        The small amount of research I have just done into lolcat suggests it is an American oddity which hasn’t caught on in the rest of the English-speaking world (where I happen to live). Thank Ceiling Cat for that!

        1. No…lolcats are from 4chan/b/, which is sans frontiers AFAIK. Unless you consider “good taste” to be a border… (srsly, don’t go there. You won’t like it.)

          1. Nichole, thank you for the advice not to argue that lolcat is lacking in taste. My advice to you is not to put petroleum jelly on the soles of your shoes.

  12. Could we please get a recommended reading list for understanding “sophisticated theology” or a full list of the books you are currently reading?


  13. A philosopher and a theologist are sitting in a pub, enjoying their beer while having a discussion.
    The theologist says: “For me a philosopher is a blind person who is sitting in a dark room without light and window at night searching for a cat which is not there.”
    The philosopher grins: “And even in such a situation a theologist would still find the cat.”

  14. “Weapon against religion”? I’m a religious person and I think the LOLCat Bible is great. It certainly takes-the-piss out of religion, so thanks for that. The church has plenty of piss in need of removal.
    If anything for me it pares the text back to a light hearted and more loving guide for decent living.

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