One of the best parts of the LOLcat Bible Project (which I srsly regard as one of the best weapons against religion) is its ancillary page of “Proofs of Ceiling Cat” and “Awgooments not for Ceiling Cat”. If you crave sophisticatted theology, this is a place to find some hilarious spoofs of traditional pro- and anti-God arguments. I’ll give just two of each, but there are many more:
Arguments for Ceiling Cat:
- Felinopik Prinsipul. Teh howse is jus riet for us kittehs. Is not too cowd or too hot. Is jus niec an warm an cuddlee. Teh hoomins gif us fud wen we ask an scrach us wen we mew qyoot. We gets to slepe anywhar an teh hoomins even gif us warm piels of cleen close to lay on. How awesoem!If Ceiling Cat dint ecksist how cud all of dis happun? If teh howse wus too cowd we wud be ded kittehs wif ice! If teh howse wus too hot we wud be ded kittehs wif crispees! If hoomins not der to feed us we wud be reely skinneh and ded kittehs. If Ceiling Cat dint maek hoomins for us sleepin anywhar wud not be fun! An no cleen close to slepe on!Evewythin in howse is riet for kitteh and dat is how we kno Ceiling Cat is reel, srsly.
- Paffschal’s Wayjjor. Paffshcal wus clever kitteh hu wus laik: “I am not knoin if teh Ceiling Cat is reel.” Oh noes! But Paffshcal was thinkin an thinkin, an he wus laik “If I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be gettin cheezburger. But if I has no beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be getting pwned. If there no Ceiling Cat, no matter anywai. I think I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat.”
Arguments not for Ceiling Cat
- Infinit Wegeshun. Look around an see niec stuff liek kitteh an hooman an cheezburger an iz so niec mus be maded by reeeel smarty catz. But hoo can has maded smarty catz? Mus be reeeeel reeeeeel smarty catz. Srsly. But who can has maded reeeeel reeeeeel smarty catz? Dis jus give smarty catz maded smarty catz for eva an iz, liek, stoopid. Insted, can has evolution. Evolution is, liek, oh hai? u wants cheezburger u wait. Srsly. Iz gotta start simpul an bild an bild an bild til I can has reeel complex stuff. Even cheezburger. Evolution no can has kitteh littrboxz so need moar luck, but anthropic prinshipul say can has stuff even reeel smarty catz not imagin. Srsly. So no need Ceiling Cat. kthxbai
- Awgooment from No Has Cheezburger. If Ceiling Cat wuz reel, He iz gud kitteh nd haz teh powerz to pwn evrywun. But if Ceiling Cat wuz gud kitteh, then He wants all teh kittehs to haz cheezburger. Nd if Ceiling Cat has powerz to pwn evrywun, He haz powerz tu gives all teh kittehs cheezburger. But sum kittehs no has cheezburger. :'( So Ceiling Cat iz not reel.(Sum n00bs say this iz becoz Ceiling Cat gived us Free Will, and teh reel reason some kittehs no has cheezburger is becoz other kittehs yuze Free Willz tu steel cheezburger and eated it—not Ceiling Cat’s fawlt! But this splaination not plausibling: everycat knowz that cheezburger iz better than Free Will. Sum saiz dat Free Will maeks sum kittehs not wantz Ceiling Cat, an dey livz in teh toylut bowl cuz dey refwse beelevin in Ceiling Cat. Not Ceiling Cat’s fawlt! kthxbye)