The caption for the new Jesus and Mo strip, “fig”, is this:
When Jesus got hangry.
And that links to the famous “fig tree parable” in Matthew (21:18-22), in the King James version:
18 Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered.
19 And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.
20 And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!
21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.
22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
I guess they still use dynamite to move mountains because nobody has faith any more. But if Jesus was really all powerful, he could have simply made the tree bear fruit. I wrote this before I saw the strip below and, amazingly, Mo echoes my own sentiment!
9 thoughts on “Jesus ‘n’ Mo ‘n’ da figz”
Ah, nothing like some “scripture” to start the day. You have to admire the prose – it really owned a space in … prosespace.
Let’s turn the Bible over to ChatGPT and see what it produces…
I think this piece of genius from ChatGPT appeared in one of the Hilis a while ago (or perhaps in a comment below the line):
King James’ versions may or may not sway far off the intended meanings of original scriptures. We need to hear more scholarly interpretations of how certain “events” are handed down through the centuries. Perhaps Jimmy Swaggert, Jimmy Bae Fakker or Jimmy John’s Sandwich shoppes could help. (Maybe I shouldn’t post comments whilst feeling “hangry” for lunch.)
Jimmy Bae Fakker 😂
It was the anniversary of the birth of Tammy Faye Bakker yesterday (I didn’t bother including in the list below yesterday’s Hili).
The fig tree parable should be the sort of answer that Creationists might as well give to the mysteries of evolution. Rather than spin bad biology and bad statistics to attempt explanations of how random mutations alone (without selection) can produce adaptations, just proclaim: “and lo, the ATCCGA bases became TTCGGA bases, whereupon the next time the gene was expressed, two different amino acids were bid to assemble into thy protein! And it came to pass that this change in the protein made the fish caste off its fins for legs and to walketh on land! Hallelujah, and praise be!
I bet those beady eye’s of Jesus match his sphincter, bearing fruit out of season is to lame better to kill something.
“It has been given you for the present, not inseparably nor for ever, but like a fig, or a cluster of grapes, at a fixed season of the year, and that if you hanker for it in the winter, you are a fool.”
—Epictetus, the Discourses, Book 3 / Chapter 24
When some squishy Christian starts going on about how the “Old Testament” (i.e. Hebrew Bible) is sorta mean, but Jesus is way cool and neato and rilly kinda progressive, the first story I point to in the Greek New Testament is this one. Jesus’ tantrum over the fig tree is a great entree to the wealth of erratic, narcissistic, divisive, nutty behavior by the “savior.”
Most Christians, from conservatives to progressives, have little idea what’s actually in their tedious, insane holy book.