This is why people dislike Gwyneth Paltrow

Have you ever seen a more off-putting Christmas ad than this one from goop, featuring their consciously uncoupled (but now remarried) Gwyneth Paltrow? The funniest part is what she gives herself for Christmas.

On Saturday I’ll show a much better Christmas ad: the one from Sainsbury’s a few years ago that featured Mog the cat.

Anyway, watch and weep. And realize that there are a lot of people who like this stuff. . . .

69 Comments

  1. Muffy Ferro
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 1:43 pm | Permalink

    Yes, that video collage is ridiculous and the idea that it depicts real life for anyone — even Gwyneth — is laughable! And yet, I really did like those burgundy velvet pants she was wearing, and I might have to go on her site and see if they come in my size …

    She’s just selling stuff. And (sigh) it’s working.

    • Saul Sorrell-Till
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:07 pm | Permalink

      To be honest, with a name like Muffy Ferro you sound like you should shop there all the time. Either that or you’re a Bond girl. 🙂

      • Posted December 11, 2019 at 4:00 pm | Permalink

        THE Muffy {Mead} Ferro?? 🙂

        • Posted December 11, 2019 at 5:10 pm | Permalink

          Yep, THE Muffy Mead Ferro!

          • Posted December 11, 2019 at 5:54 pm | Permalink

            Most excellent!!

            • Muffy Ferro
              Posted December 11, 2019 at 7:49 pm | Permalink

              Well thanks Douglas 🙂

              • Saul Sorrell-Till
                Posted December 12, 2019 at 6:28 am | Permalink

                I’m English, so please don’t mind me not knowing who you were.

      • Posted December 12, 2019 at 7:12 am | Permalink

        It’s probably good that you didn’t Saul – your Bond girl observation was priceless!!

    • Posted December 12, 2019 at 8:13 am | Permalink

      Just bought one or your books on AMZ. Its Head Fell Off by Accident

      Looks like good fun!

  2. Mike Anderson
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 1:44 pm | Permalink

    I love Gwyneth Paltrow. Vacuous, but so what? No one ever died from a vagina egg (that I know of).

    • Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:00 pm | Permalink

      And if they got infected from one? And so what? She promotes ineffective healing methods, like crystals and the like. See here: https://www.minnpost.com/second-opinion/2018/11/vaginal-jade-eggs-not-only-useless-but-potentially-harmful/

      Do you know that nobody has ever been harmed by her products, perhaps by ignoring conventional medical help. You’re like saying, “So what if Jenny McCarthy is an anti-vaxer? We don’t know that anybody ever died from following her advice.”

      In other words Paltrow lies, and those lies could be harmful. Not vacuous, potentially harmful. You love a con artist and a mushbrain, but I guess that’s your choice.

      • george
        Posted December 12, 2019 at 10:26 am | Permalink

        I don’t know that she lies so much as that she is near infinitely credulous. She lives in an impenetrable edifice of nonsense. And that’s true of most people.

        I still blame her for it, though. Someone with her resources and obvious latent intellect (she’s not naturally stupid)should be better.

        • Posted December 12, 2019 at 10:55 am | Permalink

          I love it! I can’t wait to use this put-down!

          “You live in an impenetrable edifice of nonsense.”

    • gravelinspector-Aidan
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:28 pm | Permalink

      That depends on how hard you hit them with it. I’d be quite unsurprised to find that one has been used as a murder weapon.

      Who? Me? Promoting the potentials of a sock in a rock?

    • Saul Sorrell-Till
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

      “No one ever died from a vagina egg”

      Depends how good it is I suppose.

      By the way, what hatches out of a vagina egg? A vagina chicken? Not a vagina cock I hope. That would be confusing.

      And between the vagina chicken and the vagina egg…which came first?

      • Mike Anderson
        Posted December 11, 2019 at 8:33 pm | Permalink

        Granted, organsm boosting is not without risks.

    • Chewy
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 10:27 pm | Permalink

      Horrified to find a “goop” — no CAPS — store here on my street in San Francisco. What effing idiots would support this hole? I was almost moved to ask to see the egg collection. But I am not as besotted as Mike, and the poor deluded/greedy Gwyn did not seem to be in the store.

      We’re doomed.

  3. BobTerrace
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 1:48 pm | Permalink

    Goop is right!

    • Heather Hastie
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 4:45 pm | Permalink

      This ad is just crying out for a parody! I can see it now!

      • prinzler
        Posted December 12, 2019 at 11:18 am | Permalink

        That ad IS a parody – of itself.

  4. Ken Kukec
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 1:49 pm | Permalink

    Are we sure this isn’t some sort of self-parody?

    Hard to believe anyone could be so un-self-consciously clueless.

    • Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:01 pm | Permalink

      Why don’t you look at the original video. It was put out by goop.

      Paltrow has NEVER put out an ad that parodies herself, and look at the commentary on the YouTube site.

      • Jenny Haniver
        Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:45 pm | Permalink

        “Paltrow has NEVER [intentionally] put out an ad that parodies herself…” She’s a walking parody of herself.

        She turns my stomach.

        • Posted December 12, 2019 at 8:15 am | Permalink

          I like her in her movies. Outside of them, gakk.

    • Saul Sorrell-Till
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

      That was my immediate thought. It’s the voice-over that’s ridiculous after all – “double-fistinjg”? …really? – and that could be added on by anyone.

      But she really is this ridiculous apparently.

      • Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

        I believe the voice actor is the same as in this ad: https://youtu.be/YbYWhdLO43Q

        • Saul Sorrell-Till
          Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

          Stop, just stop. My brain can’t take all this at once.

          • Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:08 pm | Permalink

            I can attest to the utility of the product in the ad though.

            • Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:10 pm | Permalink

              The vibrator?

              • Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:13 pm | Permalink

                ಠ‿ಠ wouldn’t you like to know.

              • Saul Sorrell-Till
                Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:21 pm | Permalink

                Click on painedumonde’s link. The product being advertised seems to be nothing that a couple of books stacked on each other wouldn’t do, but apparently the interchangeable arseholes of Dragon’s Den/Shark Tank decided to fund it.

                The actual advert is either genius or horrible. I suppose it’s about the only way you can show human poo on TV so in that sense it’s…clever? Maybe? The guy who thought it up probably won some kind of advertising award too. ‘Best Euphemistic Depiction Of Human Feces’.

              • Ken Kukec
                Posted December 11, 2019 at 5:09 pm | Permalink

                @SST

                It’s sure to have the market cornered in the category “Best Non-Euphemistic Depiction of Coprophagia.” 🙂

  5. JezGrove
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    Here’s a much better Christmas advert from here in the UK. It cost just £100 to make and promotes shopping in local stores instead of via internet retailers: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-50658677

    • Simon Hayward
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:44 pm | Permalink

      That’s great, and may well have cost less than GPs vibrator

  6. Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    This is like an snl parody. I mean what would be left for snl to parody really?

    This is tacky by my taste but honestly who cares. She’s selling stuff to a market that wants it. *shrugs*

    • Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:27 pm | Permalink

      I presume you’re telling me that I shouldn’t have posted this because you don’t care.

      Sorry, but I post what I want to post about. If you don’t care, ignore the post.

      Oh, by the way, you keep changing your IP number almost each time you post, which is a no-no.

  7. Bob
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:38 pm | Permalink

    A memorable quote from Gen. Anthony Auliffe is most apropos in this instance: “Nuts.”

    • Matt Young
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:50 pm | Permalink

      Anthony McAuliffe.

    • Ken Kukec
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 5:16 pm | Permalink

      Seems especially apropos, what with how we’re coming up on the 75th anniversary of the Battle of the Bulge.

  8. Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:47 pm | Permalink

    What gets me is the phony way of speaking the guy has. Hay-ah instead of hair. Ridiculous.

  9. Randall Schenck
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 2:54 pm | Permalink

    If you think this is just some kind of joke just go over to goop.com and take a look. I guess this is primarily for women but I’m not sure. It is very strange.

  10. Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:06 pm | Permalink

    I thought it was satire but, after googling, it appears it’s a real ad. It’s good as self-parody if that’s what was intended. If not, it is downright scary.

    • Saul Sorrell-Till
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:13 pm | Permalink

      Some of it’s campy humour. I think she’s probably winking at her own public image at certain points. No-one says the phrase ‘double-fisting’ without knowing what they’re doing.

      The stuff about ‘staring into the abyss’ though, if that’s her taking the piss out of herself then it’s buried beneath multiple layers of catatonically deadpan absurdity.

      • JezGrove
        Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

        It really is the most bizarre thing. It surely can’t be serious, but the humo(u)r is so misjudged that I have absolutely no idea what on earth it is trying to achieve. The only thing it is probably safe to say is that whatever the target was, it has misfired spectacularly.

        • Mark R.
          Posted December 11, 2019 at 7:51 pm | Permalink

          If you don’t know who the target was, how has it misfired? Not disagreeing with GP’s stupid woo, just pointing out the logic fail.

          • JezGrove
            Posted December 12, 2019 at 8:02 am | Permalink

            Oops – guilty as charged!

  11. Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:23 pm | Permalink

    After spending the entire commercial alone, she’s “going out on the town” – with whom?

    Was she the only [non-reading] frustrated has-been who happened to be in a bank vault while the Bomb went off?

    “Hair enough at last!”

  12. dabertini
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

    What did truman capote say about actors? They are dumb. This video is pretty good evidence of that.

  13. Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:39 pm | Permalink

    There’s a brilliant TED talk by Eric Bischoff (from pro wrestling fame) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2RCT6Li4UQ about how to get people to *feel* instead of *think* (positively or negatively. It’s an important watch if you’re wondering why people on TV, online, etc. keep ranting and trying to make you react angrily.

    I think Paltrow’s video follows that general rule. It’s not a parody. It’s driving you to react to it.

    The golden moments are at about:
    7:00 (It doesn’t really matter if you love or hate [the wrestler – or anything, for that matter], as long as they feel passionately about them),
    11:20 (It’s easier to get people to react [to opinionated argument] than asking them to think),
    and 16:00 (The minute your energy is focused on what you feel, you stop thinking)

    • XCellKen
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 8:48 pm | Permalink

      Jim Cornette rulz

      Eric Bischoff drulz lol

  14. Liz
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

    The only movie I have seen with her that I recall is Shallow Hal from 2001. Maybe she picked it up from Tony Robbins when they did this movie. That’s a shame that she’s like that. Blythe Danner, though (her mom), in Meet the Parents is amazing. What They Had with Blythe Danner looks like a decent movie also. From 1:05 to 1:16 when Blythe Danner mouths, “I am, too.” Lol. (I am not.)
    https://bit.ly/2PdGEsf
    Meet the Parents Greg and Jinx

    I hope Blythe Danner doesn’t support her daughter’s woo-ey ways.

    • Saul Sorrell-Till
      Posted December 11, 2019 at 4:05 pm | Permalink

      She’s a good actress. But, yes, she’s pretty ridiculous, and if you haven’t got much money and live hand to mouth her shtick becomes outright repulsive. If ever you wanted an argument for eating the rich it’s right there.

    • Posted December 11, 2019 at 7:22 pm | Permalink

      I saw her in Shakespeare in Love way back. It was a pretty good movie with a strong cast. My opinion of Paltrow has declined ever since.

      • Posted December 12, 2019 at 8:23 am | Permalink

        Agreed, I really like that movie. Very clever.

        Joe Feinnes
        GP
        Geoffrey Rush
        Simon Callow
        Tom Wilkinson (he’s so great)
        Judi Dench (my vote for best actress of 20th cent.)
        Colin Firth (as a heel, which is great)
        Rupert Everett as Marlowe
        Imelda Staunton
        Martin Clunes
        Sandra Reinton

        (Ben Affleck thuds for me, the only off-note in the movie)

        • darrelle
          Posted December 12, 2019 at 8:30 am | Permalink

          In a cast like that he simply doesn’t belong!

  15. Ann German
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 4:14 pm | Permalink

    why I live in Montana

  16. Posted December 11, 2019 at 4:42 pm | Permalink

    If you can sell viginal eggs with a straight face anything is possible.

  17. Charles Sawicki
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 4:43 pm | Permalink

    Shallow and gross. Makes it clear that our herd has useless members!

  18. Amyt
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 5:15 pm | Permalink

    Surely the “G” stands for gag. Which I did several times.

  19. dd
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 5:18 pm | Permalink

    And here are the purchasers of the notorious Banana in Miami Basel:

    https://www.artsy.net/news/artsy-editorial-buyers-two-editions-maurizio-cattelans-banana-artwork-revealed

  20. Posted December 11, 2019 at 6:31 pm | Permalink

    I see this as a metamodernist ad. It’s knowing the clichés and what people might think, and showing they know the audience knows. It’s doing the routine, playing it almost straight, yet also making fun of it. It has some decent bathetic moments. Well, I like it. I dislike Paltrow’s snake oil business, but think she’s an okay actress.

  21. Stephen Barnard
    Posted December 11, 2019 at 8:31 pm | Permalink

    I for one would like to know the national accent of the narrator. It’s not American, and doesn’t sound Canadian, British, Australian, South African, or any other English-speaking nationality to my ear. It’s weird. Maybe it’s an alien from outer space.

    • Terry Sheldon
      Posted December 12, 2019 at 8:19 am | Permalink

      Speaking as a part-time voice actor who has studied dialects extensively, it sounds like an American who is trying much too hard to sound sophisticated by adopting certain affectations from British Received Pronunciation (a.k.a. BBC British).

      • Stephen Barnard
        Posted December 12, 2019 at 10:41 am | Permalink

        That makes sense. Paltrow is known for her excellent English accent in films. I’d think they could have found someone better to narrate.

  22. Sarah
    Posted December 12, 2019 at 8:54 am | Permalink

    Is this for real? Is there not one single person in her life who can tell her to stop!

  23. Posted December 13, 2019 at 11:22 am | Permalink

    Well, she *is* “wrong about everything”, as the title goes.


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