This is why people dislike Gwyneth Paltrow

December 11, 2019 • 1:30 pm

Have you ever seen a more off-putting Christmas ad than this one from goop, featuring their consciously uncoupled (but now remarried) Gwyneth Paltrow? The funniest part is what she gives herself for Christmas.

On Saturday I’ll show a much better Christmas ad: the one from Sainsbury’s a few years ago that featured Mog the cat.

Anyway, watch and weep. And realize that there are a lot of people who like this stuff. . . .

69 thoughts on “This is why people dislike Gwyneth Paltrow

  1. Yes, that video collage is ridiculous and the idea that it depicts real life for anyone — even Gwyneth — is laughable! And yet, I really did like those burgundy velvet pants she was wearing, and I might have to go on her site and see if they come in my size …

    She’s just selling stuff. And (sigh) it’s working.

    1. To be honest, with a name like Muffy Ferro you sound like you should shop there all the time. Either that or you’re a Bond girl. 🙂

    1. And if they got infected from one? And so what? She promotes ineffective healing methods, like crystals and the like. See here:

      Do you know that nobody has ever been harmed by her products, perhaps by ignoring conventional medical help. You’re like saying, “So what if Jenny McCarthy is an anti-vaxer? We don’t know that anybody ever died from following her advice.”

      In other words Paltrow lies, and those lies could be harmful. Not vacuous, potentially harmful. You love a con artist and a mushbrain, but I guess that’s your choice.

      1. I don’t know that she lies so much as that she is near infinitely credulous. She lives in an impenetrable edifice of nonsense. And that’s true of most people.

        I still blame her for it, though. Someone with her resources and obvious latent intellect (she’s not naturally stupid)should be better.

    2. That depends on how hard you hit them with it. I’d be quite unsurprised to find that one has been used as a murder weapon.

      Who? Me? Promoting the potentials of a sock in a rock?

    3. “No one ever died from a vagina egg”

      Depends how good it is I suppose.

      By the way, what hatches out of a vagina egg? A vagina chicken? Not a vagina cock I hope. That would be confusing.

      And between the vagina chicken and the vagina egg…which came first?

    4. Horrified to find a “goop” — no CAPS — store here on my street in San Francisco. What effing idiots would support this hole? I was almost moved to ask to see the egg collection. But I am not as besotted as Mike, and the poor deluded/greedy Gwyn did not seem to be in the store.

      We’re doomed.

  2. Are we sure this isn’t some sort of self-parody?

    Hard to believe anyone could be so un-self-consciously clueless.

      1. “Paltrow has NEVER [intentionally] put out an ad that parodies herself…” She’s a walking parody of herself.

        She turns my stomach.

    1. That was my immediate thought. It’s the voice-over that’s ridiculous after all – “double-fistinjg”? …really? – and that could be added on by anyone.

      But she really is this ridiculous apparently.

              1. Click on painedumonde’s link. The product being advertised seems to be nothing that a couple of books stacked on each other wouldn’t do, but apparently the interchangeable arseholes of Dragon’s Den/Shark Tank decided to fund it.

                The actual advert is either genius or horrible. I suppose it’s about the only way you can show human poo on TV so in that sense it’s…clever? Maybe? The guy who thought it up probably won some kind of advertising award too. ‘Best Euphemistic Depiction Of Human Feces’.

              2. @SST

                It’s sure to have the market cornered in the category “Best Non-Euphemistic Depiction of Coprophagia.” 🙂

  3. This is like an snl parody. I mean what would be left for snl to parody really?

    This is tacky by my taste but honestly who cares. She’s selling stuff to a market that wants it. *shrugs*

    1. I presume you’re telling me that I shouldn’t have posted this because you don’t care.

      Sorry, but I post what I want to post about. If you don’t care, ignore the post.

      Oh, by the way, you keep changing your IP number almost each time you post, which is a no-no.

  4. If you think this is just some kind of joke just go over to and take a look. I guess this is primarily for women but I’m not sure. It is very strange.

    1. Some of it’s campy humour. I think she’s probably winking at her own public image at certain points. No-one says the phrase ‘double-fisting’ without knowing what they’re doing.

      The stuff about ‘staring into the abyss’ though, if that’s her taking the piss out of herself then it’s buried beneath multiple layers of catatonically deadpan absurdity.

      1. It really is the most bizarre thing. It surely can’t be serious, but the humo(u)r is so misjudged that I have absolutely no idea what on earth it is trying to achieve. The only thing it is probably safe to say is that whatever the target was, it has misfired spectacularly.

        1. If you don’t know who the target was, how has it misfired? Not disagreeing with GP’s stupid woo, just pointing out the logic fail.

  5. After spending the entire commercial alone, she’s “going out on the town” – with whom?

    Was she the only [non-reading] frustrated has-been who happened to be in a bank vault while the Bomb went off?

    “Hair enough at last!”

  6. There’s a brilliant TED talk by Eric Bischoff (from pro wrestling fame)

    about how to get people to *feel* instead of *think* (positively or negatively. It’s an important watch if you’re wondering why people on TV, online, etc. keep ranting and trying to make you react angrily.

    I think Paltrow’s video follows that general rule. It’s not a parody. It’s driving you to react to it.

    The golden moments are at about:
    7:00 (It doesn’t really matter if you love or hate [the wrestler – or anything, for that matter], as long as they feel passionately about them),
    11:20 (It’s easier to get people to react [to opinionated argument] than asking them to think),
    and 16:00 (The minute your energy is focused on what you feel, you stop thinking)

  7. The only movie I have seen with her that I recall is Shallow Hal from 2001. Maybe she picked it up from Tony Robbins when they did this movie. That’s a shame that she’s like that. Blythe Danner, though (her mom), in Meet the Parents is amazing. What They Had with Blythe Danner looks like a decent movie also. From 1:05 to 1:16 when Blythe Danner mouths, “I am, too.” Lol. (I am not.)
    Meet the Parents Greg and Jinx

    I hope Blythe Danner doesn’t support her daughter’s woo-ey ways.

    1. She’s a good actress. But, yes, she’s pretty ridiculous, and if you haven’t got much money and live hand to mouth her shtick becomes outright repulsive. If ever you wanted an argument for eating the rich it’s right there.

      1. Agreed, I really like that movie. Very clever.

        Joe Feinnes
        Geoffrey Rush
        Simon Callow
        Tom Wilkinson (he’s so great)
        Judi Dench (my vote for best actress of 20th cent.)
        Colin Firth (as a heel, which is great)
        Rupert Everett as Marlowe
        Imelda Staunton
        Martin Clunes
        Sandra Reinton

        (Ben Affleck thuds for me, the only off-note in the movie)

  8. I see this as a metamodernist ad. It’s knowing the clichés and what people might think, and showing they know the audience knows. It’s doing the routine, playing it almost straight, yet also making fun of it. It has some decent bathetic moments. Well, I like it. I dislike Paltrow’s snake oil business, but think she’s an okay actress.

  9. I for one would like to know the national accent of the narrator. It’s not American, and doesn’t sound Canadian, British, Australian, South African, or any other English-speaking nationality to my ear. It’s weird. Maybe it’s an alien from outer space.

    1. Speaking as a part-time voice actor who has studied dialects extensively, it sounds like an American who is trying much too hard to sound sophisticated by adopting certain affectations from British Received Pronunciation (a.k.a. BBC British).

      1. That makes sense. Paltrow is known for her excellent English accent in films. I’d think they could have found someone better to narrate.

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