Here’s a short piece that just appeared in The Onion; click on the headline to go to it, but I’ll reproduce it in its entirety:
THE HEAVENS—Saying that the various belief systems had a “good run” over the last few millennia but that it was probably time for humans to get by on their own, the Lord Our God, He Who Is Seen And Unseen, proclaimed Monday that He would begin slowly weaning humanity off religion. “Religion was definitely helpful for humans when they first started out, but now it seems like it’s pretty much served its purpose—time to take the training wheels off,” said God, who argued that while the transition from religion might be difficult for a large segment of the population, ultimately humankind would be better off without it in the long run. “It’s not like I’m going to get rid of religion all in one go or anything; I’ll wind it down gradually over the next 500 years or so. Really, when you take a good look at it, the negatives are starting to outweigh the positives anyway.” At press time, God was implementing the first stage of His plan by effecting the opposite outcome of every prayer He received.
Need I say more? I’ll just quote 1 Corinthians 13:11:
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
It’s in the Bible!
“I put away childish things.”
My favorite bible quote
It always slightly surprised me that such an excellent foot-shot could have been included in a book written well before the invention of gunpowder and guns.
Ah, but that’s English, and quite likely King James Version, which was written in the first years of the 1600s. So … what do older Greek or Latin versions say? Any comments from the Classical brigade?
How can god wean me from religion? I have finally seen the light and joined the church of Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2015/08/17/john-olivers-our-lady-of-perpetual-exemption-church-exposes-faith-based-fraud/
All Hail the mostest reverend John Oliver!
Sub
John Oliver is high on my Good Guys list at the moment. Our (NZ) TV news actually took notice of him – apparently four times in recent months he’s taken notice of New Zealand politics and poked our politicians with a sharp stick right where they deserved. Most recently the semi-farcical political distraction of New Zealand trying to change its flag to some inevitably half-assed design.
(I think flying any flag is bombastic bullshit but I do promise, if NZ does adopt a new flag, I’ll make a point of flying the old one).
cr
Video not available in the UK.
You can install a VPN like Tunnelbear and say you are watching in the US.
https://www.tunnelbear.com/
I joined the church. I planted my seed!
Hey, I thought we were the first stage of His plan!
I mean come on — getting the opposite of what you pray for has already been interpreted as “God helping us achieve better characters” or what have you. And besides, something beyond chance like this would start to approach a proof of God.
They truly are America’s Finest New Source.
b&
It just has to be the finest. Just think of all the organizations that have taken it seriously.
“Sean Penn Demands To Know What Asshole Took SeanPenn@gmail.com“: In 2006, the Danish television station TV 2 posted a story on the gossip section of its website based on that specific article.
“God, please prevent Donald Trump from winning the Republican presidential nomination. And while you’re at it, please continue with your plan to allow millions of people to starve to death. Amen.”
But God… does it HAVE to take 500 years???
*whine/pout*
Just pray for it to take longer. 🙂 Gotcha, God!
Touche’ 😉
That quote from Corinthians nicely closes the film version (though not the novel) of “Elmer Gantry” (with Burt Lancaster).
According to another of his posts today, when it comes to Sinclair Lewis, the Boss is not that impressed.
Personally, I prefer Lewis’s writing to that of another odd Nobel Prize laureate, Pearl S. Buck — though I suppose for a price that one could be argued either way.
I fear that in the United States it make take the whole 500 years to get off.
Gotta love The Onion.
I suspect this “press release” is already over 500 years old. If anything, it would help explain the scientific enlightenment that began around the times of Copernicus and Galileo.
But the last sentence stuck out for me:
“At press time, God was implementing the first stage of His plan by effecting the opposite outcome of every prayer He received.”
If anything, such consistent prayer outcomes would be really strong evidence for the existence of God!
As far as I can tell, He has already caused the opposite outcome for roughly half the prayers He has ever received. That may seem extremely confusing at first, but I recall what believers believe, that “sometimes God answers a prayer with No” and that “however a situation turns out, it’s always God’s Will” (thus those who pray that “God’s Will be done” are praying for the Sure Outcome). Variable prayer outcomes seen as God’s Will are like pareidolia – when one is repeatedly told to “see God’s Will in everything,” it becomes subconscious and one “magically” sees The Hand of God in every situation, no matter how it has turned out.
Illustration of your point.
Or, as the fundagelicals I know repeat ad nauseam, “sometimes god says ‘yes,’ sometimes he says ‘no,’ and sometimes he says ‘wait’.”
Great cartoon.
I suppose if there were a fourth trial — prayer & aspirin, but pain remains — the “Result” would “necessary precondition for free will.”
Yeah, when people ask what it would take to make a believer out of me, I tell ’em if the prayers of righteous men were always answered and evil men made to suffer — that might not seal the deal, but it would get things moving in the right direction.