Texas produces a reliable crop of loons in state government, but this one is especially bizarre. It’s Republican Dan Patrick, who was elected November 4 and recently took office. If, God forbid, something happens to governor Gregg Abbott (another conservative Republican), Patrick will be in charge of Texas. That’s a scary thought.
Even Texas Monthly calls this guy “The Worst,” characterizing him like this:
There are few types of lawmakers less helpful to the legislative process than bullies and ideologues. Unfortunately, Dan Patrick too often seemed to be both in his first session as the chair of the Senate Education Committee.
But Patrick’s full-on Cunkery is revealed in a piece from last October’s Mother Jones: “The man who believes God speaks to us through ‘Duck Dynasty’ is about to be Texas’s second-in-command.” The piece first notes this: “Texas’ lieutenant governor is sometimes called the “most powerful office in Texas” because of the influence it has on both the legislative and executive branches.”
Then a few lovely notes from Mother Jones (my emphasis):
As a Texas state senator, Dan Patrick has conducted himself in a manner consistent with the shock jock he once was. Patrick—who is now the Republican nominee for lieutenant governor—has railed against everything from separation of church and state to Mexican coyotes who supposedly speak Urdu. He’s even advised his followers that God is speaking to them through Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson.
. . . In 2006, he parlayed his radio fame into a state Senate seat—and kept the talk show going. In office, he proposed paying women $500 to turn over newborn babies to the state (to reduce abortions), led the charge against creeping liberalism in state textbooks, and pushed wave after wave of new abortion restrictions. For his efforts, Texas Monthly named Patrick one of the worst legislators of 2013.
Here’s his stand on a few Important Issues:
On the border: “While ISIS terrorists threaten to cross our border and kill Americans, my opponent falsely attacks me to hide her failed record on illegal immigration,” he says in his first general-election campaign. Patrick’s website, meanwhile, warns that Pakistanis are crossing the border as well, presumably to do bad things to Americans. “This is an Urdu dictionary found by border volunteers that was dropped by a human smuggler,” Patrick writes beneath a photo of an Urdu-English dictionary. “It is concerning that Mexican coyotes are learning Urdu in order to smuggle illegal immigrants?”
On migrants: “They are bringing Third World diseases with them,” he said in 2006, warning that immigrants could bring leprosy and polio to Texas.
On his first book, actually titled The Second Most Important Book You Will Ever Read: “As the author, I am obviously biased,” Patrick wrote in an Amazon review of his own book. But “since God inspired me to write this book,” he added, “He automatically gets 5 stars and the CREDIT!'”
On creationism: “Our students…must really be confused,” Patrick said at a GOP primary debate last spring. “They go to Sunday School on Sunday and then they go into school on Monday and we tell them they can’t talk about God. I’m sick and tired of a minority in our country who want us to turn our back on God.”
On the separation of church and state: “There is no such thing as separation of church and state.”
And this bit makes him sound like Prince Phillip:
On Connie Chung’s TV show, Eye to Eye: Patrick quipped in 1992 that the Asian American journalist’s show should be called “Slanted Eye to Eye.” Although Patrick’s remarks sparked a local media firestorm, he did not change his ways. In 1999, a Houston Press profile noted that “Patrick lapsed into a faux-Chinese accent when he thought he heard a network correspondent call Clinton, in the midst of the Chinese-espionage scandal, ‘President Crinton,'” and later joked that Clinton should get surgery to “make his eyes slanted.”
An amateur painter, Patrick produced this portrait of the Statue of Liberty with the face of Jesus:
Given his stand on women’s issues and immigration, I was astonished to read this on Patrick’s official website (my emphasis):
Dan Patrick was elected Lt Governor of Texas in 2014, winning the general election by almost twenty points, including historic levels of support from Hispanic voters and women.
I apologize on behalf of my country.
I wonder if the separation of church and state should be extended to include elected officials.
Kind of inconsistent the way he’s got Jesus draped in a rainbow flag.
I can’t understand why it doesn’t, since elected officials are supposed to represent all the people, not just the ones who elected them.
I recently heard, though, that at least one powerful Texas republican refused to ever make time to see a voter who didn’t vote for her. The voting office will give anyone a list of those who voted, and if the voters are also on any republican or democratic list, anywhere, it’s pretty much a matter of crossmatching the two.
So, apparently, elected office holders in Texas can treat this like the Wild, Wild West and do whatever the Cunk they want.
Regarding the painting, he forgot to replace the torch by a cross.
My Theo could make a better painting with his tail!
I suspect that the average moggie (or even the average d*g) could make a better painting using something just below their tail.
They make nice modern (small scale) sculptures.
I think that’s supposed to be a burning cross.
I think he did not realize that the Statue of Liberty was a creation by secular France and that the torch is a symbol of the (godless) Enlightenment. So he got it all wrong
I think he did not realize that the Statue of Liberty was a creation by secular France and that the torch is a symbol of the (godless) Enlightenment. So he got it all wrong.
In fact it is a secular Trojan Horse.
That Jesus-of-Liberty portrait is another instance of art brut — art by criminals, imbeciles, and the insane (or criminally-insane imbeciles, as the case may be).
No, that is a cross. It’s on fire.
What the fluff???
His views are very disturbing to say the least. And his bigotry is vile. But the bit about giving God five stars is ridiculously and moronically funny. All kidding aside though; I despair at the thought of a person like this being given power of any kind.
I’m sure the actual Statue of Liberty is a lady. He basically painted a brightly coloured Jesus in drag wearing too much eye make-up. It looks more like Rob Zombie. If he spent more than 20 minutes painting it could look quite nice.
A painting of The Last Supper that portrayed Jesus as a female stripper (‘Wrecked’) caused Catholics to try and have the painting banned under our still existent blasphemy law in 1998. I wonder what they would have made of this?
Actually, I think it’s good piece of social commentary for the US, and should be entitled First Ammendment. Although I don’t think this guy would see the irony.
Good one!
As they might say in Texas, this guy could not get worse if you poured a whole bucket full of stupid on him.
I think Abbott is just about even with this guy.
“If, God forbid, something happens to governor Gregg Abbott (another conservative Republican), Patrick will be in charge of Texas. That’s a scary thought.”
Unfortunately, due to the quirky way Texas law is written the Lite Govnah here already has significant power, and the Guvnah somewhat less than in other states.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lieutenant_Governor_of_Texas#Compared_to_other_lieutenant_governors
We’re trying to turn our state blue as quickly as we can though, I promise.
Just a point of clarification in case anyone doesn’t know the meaning of “coyote” in border terms. A coyote is someone (a human) who smuggles humans across the border.
A “coyote who speaks Urdu” means a border smuggler who is expanding their market of illegal immigrants to Urdu speakers.
I cannot speak on whether this is real, but it’s more real than a talking canid.
Really? What about a cat who speaks Polish?
I’m just assuming Hili and Cyrus are the only exceptions to the “no talking animals” rule… outside of the Bible, that is, where snakes and donkeys regularly converse.
I’ve been teaching my son (who is taking Texas History this year in school) about the weak TX Governor model.
What’s odd to me about Patrick is that he’s not a native Texan, and he’s only very recently a politician.
There are also some rather public stories of his 1986 attempted suicide and admission to a psychiatric hospital.
“1986 attempted suicide”
Couldn’t even do that right, could he?
“and admission to a psychiatric hospital.”
Why did they let him out?
You have to understand that this cretin was elected by the hoards of tea party enthusiasts who know how to mobilize their ranks to get these types into power. They are
extremely efficient in this. Having watched the tv ads that Patrick produced prior to the
election, I can only say that they were the
vilest garbage I have ever seen against an
opponent. This type of person confirms my
belief that the GOP is a putrescent cesspool
of reaction, stupidity, superstition and
racism.
The real fear here is that Patrick is more powerful than the governor in that he controls the legislation that comes up for debate and passage. Abbott, also a lapdog
for the tea partiers, will then just rubber stanp it and make it law.
Who knows when Texas will emerge from this
dark age.
Did he just paint Jesus in drag?
There may be more in Patrick’s closet than he is aware.
How many wetsuits?
Gregg Abbott, Tony Abbott… never trust politicans named Abbott.
I’ll see your Sinophobe Dan Patrick with his epic epicanthic antics and raise you Victoria Ayling from UKIP in the UK, who recently wondered, “What happens when the renewable energy runs out?”
Dumb expands to fill the space available to it. x
Imagine a conversation between her, Dan Patrick, Sarah Palin, James Inhofe and Tony Abbott on climate change.
A conversation in which you would feel more stupid at the end than at the beginning. Proof that the Big Bang does not necessarily lead to intelligent life. Time’s arrow in reverse: the opposite of the multiverse, the a-verse. x
…. and Philomena Cunk!! Would anyone be able to tell who the real Cunkifier is?
She needn’t worry what happens: we’d all be dead long, long before the air stops moving, the water stops running or we get too little sunshine to activate a solar panel. Of course, should these come to pass, decades of fossil fuel use would get five stars and the CREDIT!
Since elected he’s done the routine conservative pivot away from culture war issues to pushing for tax breaks to the business owners and wealthy real estate moguls. Following Texas politics is like being forced to watch a terrible movie over & over……
Oh & BTW….it is illegal, according to the Texas Constitution, for an atheist to hold elected office. Good thing that law exists, otherwise we might elect some crazy nutjob who doesn’t properly understand christ’s love….
As frightening as Dan Patrick is the people who elected him are even more frightening.
I think they call it “barking mad”.
What is scary isn’t so much that our country is still producing the likes of Dan Patrick but that we have enough people, via gerrymandering, willing to vote them into office
Lt. Governor is a statewide office, gerrymandering of districts doesn’t change the total vote from all districts in the state. In other words, we’ve got enough morons in the electorate of Texas that no chicanery is necessary to elect a moron for any statewide office.
In addition, nearly two thirds of Texans don’t vote, so it is a turnout issue as well.
this is a man who shouldn’t win even if he vied against hens. I have nothing against fowls
Weak governorships in a number of confederate states are the legacy of the post-Civil War period – southerners wanted to keep Northern carpetbagger governors from having much power, so they often strengthened the office of the Lt. Governor. Ironically, it was a relatively sane old politician named Bob Bullock who did the rest of the US a disservice by serving fairly competently as the Texas Lt. Governor from 1991-1999. Bullock did his job well enough that he kept the rest of the US from seeing what a moron the then-governor George ‘Dubya’ Bush was. “Shrub” ran for president partly on Bob Bullock’s record and, as they say, the rest is history.
“While ISIS terrorists threaten to cross our border and kill Americans”
Ooooh. Scary.
Unhinged fear. Scratch almost any right wing Christian and you will find an unhinged fear lashing out at all the phantoms that terrorize them.
It is ironic, in an acutely painful sort of way, for someone who (supposedly) believes that an Omni-powerful being is on their side and that they will live forever to be such… cowards.
It seems to me there are 2 ways to handle fear. Either learn as much as possible about the object of your fear and try to understand your environment as well as you can. This approach should increase the sense of personal power and instill confidence.
The other way is the look for a protector. You can safely remain in ignorance if you are allied with some father figure who will tell you how to deal with the object of your fear. The problem with the latter approach is, how do you know which leader to trust? Give me a leader…any leader.
Patrick won 40-ish percent of the female and Latino vote in an election with <30% turnout. Winning the vote of <12% of a voting population might be "historic," but historic does not mean impressive. If there is an elected position in all of politics that relies entirely on the coat tails of up-ballot candidates, Lt Governor would be the primary example of such a position. However, his statement is factually correct, so it earns 1/2 a Pinocchio because only Democrats get a Pinocchio for a "merely" true assertion.
Wow. There are no words.
— Molly Ivins, Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?
I was just thinking, “where’s Molly Ivins when we need her?”
Damn, I miss Molly. Betcha she’d have something choice to say about Rick “Oops” Perry and Greg “Where’s Costello?” Abbott…
I srsly think it’s time to take it out, economically, on the districts that elect idiots like this, and I count mine (IL-18) as one of them, though trending toward the nearly normal end.
“I apologize on behalf of my country.”
If it’s any consolation, we have Tony Abbott as Prime Minister in Oz. John Oliver did a nice portrait of him for his show.
Wow that’s disturbing…reminds me of that moment in Religulous where Bill Maher asks Mark Pryor if people should be concerned that he – a man who believes in the rapture and young earth – makes decisions about their livelihood and he responds “You don’t need to pass an IQ test to be in the Senate!”
No need to apologize on behalf of Americans. Texas is a whole other country (or a large part of one). Over the years politics in Texas has become increasingly crazy. This is state where a negative political add consists of calling your GOP primary opponent a “moderate” (and it wins you the primary). And it is a state where any measure restricting the ability to openly wave one’s guns around anywhere anytime is considered unconstitutional (unless of course you’re black or Hispanic). Instead of apologizing, just sign their secession petition.
Maybe he should do more painting and less politicking …
… and to think the quantum universe arranged itself so that it would be this year that I’d move back to Texas from Pittsburgh. Fie on you, Spaghetti Monster! Fie!
I voted for Wendy Davis. I even contributed to her campaign, but I have to admit I knew she was a long shot. About the vote- It’s still so strange to me that ANY Women and Latinos would vote against their own interests, that they can’t see the Republicans for who they are- especially the virulent strain in Texas.