A humongous Swiss Army knife

60 thoughts on “A humongous Swiss Army knife”

1. Until you said it was $2000, I was thinking it would make a great gag gift. The joke isn’t worth that much money!

   1. It is a gag gift. For the very wealthy.

2. THE ONLY THING TO DO WITH IT, IS TO THROW IT IN THE “RED GIANT”

   1. This knife may be the Red Giant’s nemesis!

      1. WE Can put some wheels on it and get it on the new BATTLEBOTS!

3. Actually the toothpick is right on the end by the split ring.

4. But will it blend?

   1. hahaa we should suggest that! Did you see the magnets?

5. I was going to comment “Wow, everything but the kitchen sink!” But sure enough, item no. 42 – “kitchen sink”.

   1. The brilliant Gavin Harrison demonstrates how to play a kitchen sink, along with a few other kitchen items.

      1. That’s awesome!

6. That first review is hilarious. I don’t know how people find these things on Amazon to make the jokes. I too want to make the jokes!

   1. It’s a whole new art form: Amazon review jokes. I’ve seen some very high expressions of the form.

   2. So that’s what Douglass Adams meant!

7. It’s missing something: A nightjar!

   1. It’s there; you just can’t see it!

      1. You’re right!

8. It is not surprising that nobody ever attacks Switzerland when they have those special knives!

   The only thing missing is a tool for helping little old ladies across the road when they don’t want to go.

9. Oooooh, a reamer. I like that. I could put it to good use almost every day, oftentimes more than once in a day.

   Where are the kitty whisker trimmers and nail clippers?

   1. Nail clippers are no longer allowed on airplanes, they had to remove them.

   2. Kitty whisker trimmers? Next to the chainmail protective armor…

10. Swiss Army knives are a bit like religion, and to be honest, I’m a Victorinox man myself.

    I still use my Swiss Champ on a weekly (if not quite daily) basis.
    It was a 21st birthday present; I’m 50 this year and the knife has lasted a damn sight better than I have

    1. I prefer Victorinox as well.

    2. I also have a Victorinox Champion. I wonder if they still make Elinox versions; I had one of those in my younger days and lost it.

       1. I, too, had a Victorinox Champion. It is now part of the Athabasca glacier.

    3. Me 3. I got my Victorinox Champion at 19 (after reading a Whole Earth Catalog review) and I’m now 55; carried it everywhere in its leather belt-sheath for years and now it’s in the field-pack.

11. It would be neat if all of the tools were modular, so you could order the set of tools you want in a Swiss Army knife using an online tool to create and preview your custom knife.

    1. Rather like a charm bracelet?

12. wow!!

13. I stupidly left my last (small) one in my carryon and got it confiscated on my last (flying) trip. Love(d) the mini scissors.
    Would love one of those monsters, too. Extra feature looking for the nightjar.

    1. It comes with a mineral crystal magnifier!

       But hey, no needle and thread for stitching up the massive hole in my pocket from lugging this thing around.

       1. Forget the hole, this thing would pull your pants clean off!

          1. Good point! It’s 8lbs heavy!
             And those young people who love to wear those saggy, baggy pants can just forget about carrying one of these babies in their cargo pants pockets.

             1. They didn’t include a shoulder-sling attachment?

14. There exists a fine line between practical and impractical. That line is now cut in half 141 different ways.

15. One advantage to that one is I might not forget it was in my pocket and have to surrender it at an airport scanner, as I have done with two Swiss Army knives and a mini Leatherman multi-tool.

    I said I might not forget. On the flight I lost my Leatherman, I forgot I had a full 500 ml bottle of drinking water in my pocket. Absent-mindedness and cargo pants are a dangerous combination. Luckily I do not own any firearms.

    1. You might remember to put it in your hold baggage but then you’d probably end up paying excess baggage fees for a behemoth like that!

16. I think Hammacher-Schlemmer offered this for sale in their catalogue some years ago. I also seem to remember reading that it is possible (for a suitably high price) to custom order a knife with just the implements you want. I don’t recall, however, whether the custom knives can be ordered on an individual basis or if they ahve to be in batches.

    1. Typo apology: “ahve” should have been “have”.

    2. Maybe they’d make us a WEIT batch special?

       1. With a telescope for spotting nightjars standard.

          1. They’ll need to paint an image of a nightjar on the lens:-)

17. Jerry – Amazing, but it doesn’t compare to the French Army Knife. See attached from The New Yorker. Howie

18. I’m suddenly picturing Paul Hogan lugging one of these things around.

19. So many ways to injure oneself. I am reminded
    of an unkind picture of a French Army Knife
    with 20 corkscrews.

20. Designed to fit the contours of the human hand perfectly

    So it’s shaped like a banana?

21. When the prophet Isaiah wrote about “They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks” why didn’t he think about knives into percussion?? (Most of the instuments back then were types of harps and horns, but that had timbrels, the ancestor of the modern tambourine.)
    I guess he was thinking in very practical terms at the time.

22. A co-worker of mine once referred to a particularly difficult piece of software infrastructure as being “like a Swiss-army knife, only every single thing you pull out is like an extremely sharp blade.” Somehow this thing only improves the analogy.

23. These things are intended as show pieces only; that particular item probably shows all the currently available gizmos in various models of the Swiss Army Knife. Even some of the models intended for use are too large and unwieldly, but that one really takes the cake.

24. Does it have a Satnav?

    1. You’d need a satnav just to find the tool you want to use.

25. One may have to e careful carrying something like that around New York.

    1. Is that a Giant in your pocket…?

       1. That reminds me of an old Soviet-era joke.

26. I am fond of the Leatherman® multi-tool which is based on a folding pair of pliers. Very useful.

    Their latest attempt is the Tread™ which incorporates multi-tools into a bracelet. I don’t think I’ll be getting this one. The format looks less useful than the original, I don’t wear jewelry, and the price range is outrageous.

    It is a nifty bit of engineering design though.

    1. Cool design, but it looks awfully heavy.

27. I have a modern style SAK. I’ll see if I can find a link to one like it. It’s the best pocket knife (for practicality; for aesthetics, I much prefer my various Opinel knives). It has the essentials:
    – a 4-inch (10 cm) blade
    – crown cap opener
    – can opener
    – screw drivers (slot, cross)
    – corkscrew!

    Everything you really need, and no excess.
    Even the red plastic bits are hollow and I think made from polypropylene and therefore much lighter than the old (heavy) classic red bakelite (I’m assuming) handle covers.

    1. Found it: The Victrinox Picnicer. The most practical, general-purpose camping/picnic knife I’ve found:

       http://www.victorinox.com/us/product/Swiss-Army-Knives/Category/Everyday-Use/Picnicker/53652

       The current model is slightly different from mine (mine does not have a serrated blade; I’m pretty sure mine has a regular cross-type screw driver blade)

    2. I also have a Gerber folding knife, which is excellent but lacks a cork screw(!). This knife is extremely light weight.

       http://www.amazon.com/Gerber-22-06009-L-S-T-Point-Knife/dp/B00004WA4O/

       And I love my various Opinels:

       http://www.amazon.com/Opinel-Knives-00015-Bubinga-Handles/dp/B004GESJXG/

       http://www.amazon.com/Opinel-Stainless-Steel-Folding-Knife/dp/B000UGYWTO/

       1. Sorry for the embeds! 🙁

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