39 thoughts on “The dangers of quantum theology

  1. And just imagine Many Worlds and theology. WHICH JESUS? If preachers have to learn and use the Schrodinger equation, I think we’ll really be able to call their theology “sophisticated.”

      1. The only way to know is by collapsing the wave function.

        …which, of course, is done by grabbing his guts through the gaping gash in his side.

        If you really want to know the answer, feel free to perform the experiment yourself. No way in Hell am I going near that thing….


  2. Ah, but Jesus is the super-quantum who laughs in the face of Heisenberg. His omniscient secret decoder ring lets him know both the velocity and the location at all times!

    Checkmate, godless scientismists! Ha! Bet y’all didn’t see that one coming!


            1. Although you have to specify HOT Earl Grey tea. I guess that implies that cold Earl Grey tea is the default, which makes me shudder in horror.

              1. Actually it is Earl Grey tea that makes me shudder. I like scent on my women, not in my hot beverages (niftily side-steps the gin problem…) Darjeeling,if you please 😉

    1. We did see that coming actually – that’s the beauty of quantum theology – if we address what the sophisticated theologians are proposing at this minute, we cannot determine the next metaphysical direction they will take, and so on.

  3. If quantum theology is true, that must mean there is an anti-universe in which God and Jesus have evil doppelgangers. A universe in which God drowns millions; men, women, children, babies, the elderly, the handicapped, and Jesus supports him. A universe in which God kills the first born of Egypt, to punish their parents, and Jesus supports him. A universe in which God promises to come back in Revelations and incinerate all sinners and send them to hell, and Jesus supports him. Uh-oh…wait a minute…

  4. If Quantum Theology is true, then Revelation is only half right about Jesus winning. When Christ Jesus and the Antichrist both meet on the Battlefield…


    1. To be fair, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster suffers from this dilemma, as well. If you ever serve antipasto with your pasta, look out….


    1. Na, they just reap the benefits of hard won knowledge applied to their precious smart phones and super-sized flat screen TVs while maintaining it’s all from the Jesus-God.

  5. That’s lolzy!

    I assume Quantum Theology™ is based on the magic analogy to Schroedinger’s wavefunction, the Handwave function. The handwave function of the universe is the time independent answer to everything. (Maybe it collapses to “42”.)

    It explains so much. For instance, classical Sophisticated Theology™ would be recaptured when the handwave state goes into decoherence.

  6. This thread is confusing me. I thought that atheists were dour, humorless people, with no reason for living (except for spreading our genes, but I didn’t notice that any of the posters were engaged in sex), as well as being shrill and strident. Now I’m suffering from cognitive dissonance.

Leave a Reply