Over at his website Evolving Perspectives, reader and cartoonist Pliny the In Between shows one of the pitfalls of theologians’ propensity for finding God in quantum mechanics:
The dangers of quantum theology
April 22, 2014 • 8:06 am
Why Evolution is True is a blog written by Jerry Coyne, centered on evolution and biology but also dealing with diverse topics like politics, culture, and cats.
And just imagine Many Worlds and theology. WHICH JESUS? If preachers have to learn and use the Schrodinger equation, I think we’ll really be able to call their theology “sophisticated.”
Schrödinger’s Jesus! Did he die on the cross or didn’t he? Is he in the tomb or isn’t he?
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The only way to know is by collapsing the wave function.
…which, of course, is done by grabbing his guts through the gaping gash in his side.
If you really want to know the answer, feel free to perform the experiment yourself. No way in Hell am I going near that thing….
b&
Ah, but Jesus is the super-quantum who laughs in the face of Heisenberg. His omniscient secret decoder ring lets him know both the velocity and the location at all times!
Checkmate, godless scientismists! Ha! Bet y’all didn’t see that one coming!
b&
If Jesus laughs in the face of Heisenberg, then maybe his best course would be to tread lightly. 🙂
Jesus invented the first Heisenberg Compensator.
Jesus is the Heisenberg Compensator. The Heart of Gold had its really hot pot of tea; the Enterprise has its wine and crackers!
b&
And Earl Grey.
Although you have to specify HOT Earl Grey tea. I guess that implies that cold Earl Grey tea is the default, which makes me shudder in horror.
Actually it is Earl Grey tea that makes me shudder. I like scent on my women, not in my hot beverages (niftily side-steps the gin problem…) Darjeeling,if you please 😉
If he laughs in the face of Heisenberg, then he didn’t rise from a tomb, he’s in one. 🙂
But is he died or alive in the tomb? Someone needs to get over to the tomb and collapse that wave function.
We did see that coming actually – that’s the beauty of quantum theology – if we address what the sophisticated theologians are proposing at this minute, we cannot determine the next metaphysical direction they will take, and so on.
Hmpf. You may be right.
…didn’t see that one coming….
b&
Kurt Vonnegut said it best: chronosynclastic infundibulum
I suspect Jerry would be very happy with the collapse of the theological wavefunction, so to speak. 🙂
Thank you! That gave me my lolz for the day.
If quantum theology is true, that must mean there is an anti-universe in which God and Jesus have evil doppelgangers. A universe in which God drowns millions; men, women, children, babies, the elderly, the handicapped, and Jesus supports him. A universe in which God kills the first born of Egypt, to punish their parents, and Jesus supports him. A universe in which God promises to come back in Revelations and incinerate all sinners and send them to hell, and Jesus supports him. Uh-oh…wait a minute…
Jesus as a metaphysical jock strap. It’s all about the support.
Imagine the funk after sittin unwashed for 2000 years
Why do you think the priests are always having choir boys with incense blowers following them everywhere?
b&
Nah, we aren’t the evil universe. You can tell by the general lack of goatees.
By Spock’s Beard, you’re right!
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If Quantum Theology is true, then Revelation is only half right about Jesus winning. When Christ Jesus and the Antichrist both meet on the Battlefield…
Boom.
To be fair, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster suffers from this dilemma, as well. If you ever serve antipasto with your pasta, look out….
b&
Good one!
Does this mean that religious people will have to learn the gospel of quantum mechanics? The holy writ of the Schrodinger equation? Hee hee hee hee.
Na, they just reap the benefits of hard won knowledge applied to their precious smart phones and super-sized flat screen TVs while maintaining it’s all from the Jesus-God.
I always knew it was ‘pixel worship’.
Well, at least we now know what happened to Jesus-in-a-box: he tunneled out.
That’s lolzy!
I assume Quantum Theology™ is based on the magic analogy to Schroedinger’s wavefunction, the Handwave function. The handwave function of the universe is the time independent answer to everything. (Maybe it collapses to “42”.)
It explains so much. For instance, classical Sophisticated Theology™ would be recaptured when the handwave state goes into decoherence.
This is brilliant! And with a Breaking Bad reference built in to boot. Posting to Facebook…
This thread is confusing me. I thought that atheists were dour, humorless people, with no reason for living (except for spreading our genes, but I didn’t notice that any of the posters were engaged in sex), as well as being shrill and strident. Now I’m suffering from cognitive dissonance.
You have us confused with Scottish Presbyterians. Granted, the plumage is very similar, but the habitat, behaviour and method of raising the young are very different.
Goddamn it; I keep making that mistake…
Now that is good! 😉
We need one about string theory too! It would be very fitting.
Reblogged this on Mark Solock Blog.