Kitteh contest: grand prize winner!

December 11, 2010 • 2:34 pm

In the final stage of the competition, the judges were unanimous on this one, entered by Oriana Varas (who has her own blog, Ori’s Glob).  It had a winning combination of an awesome photo and an endearing, first-kitteh tale, and so nabs the autographed hardback of WEIT.  Here’s Oriana’s (And Lucy’s) entry:

My Siamese Blue Point is interested in participating in your “Bring out your kittehs” contest. As one of her humans, I believe she is more than worthy of being entered, at the very least. Her name is Lucy Varas and she is a desperate housecat.

This is her story:

My Queendom

by Lucy Varas

My name is Lucy (Lucifer) Varas and I am the ruler of my queendom. I enjoy long walks on the roof, sitting on laps watching movies, the fanciest of Fancy Feasts – we’re talking Florentines – but tuna straight from a can is also an acceptable meal, as is raw fish of any kind. I have three humans: comfiest, warmest, least-likely-to-carry-me-too-long Mama; understanding, best-when-in-bed-and-immobile, most-likely-to-receive-food-from Sister; male who I have a soft spot for (I always purr for him), most-likely-to-carry-me-for-too-long Brother. My duty is to protect my humans. Any stranger who comes into my queendom will be put under surveillance and subject to many tests, one of which includes the “I will rub against your leg and make you think I have accepted you but IN FACT I HAVE NOT; you are the equivalent of a chair leg to me, imbecile!” And if the stranger fails this test, the punishment is a scratch-and-hiss. Scratch-and-hisses are the most common form of punishment in my queendom and only when I try to leave my queendom (temporarily) might I inflict this upon one of my humans. I am pleased with my humans’ understanding of my stranger-intolerance, as they tell guests, upon arrival, not to touch me, for they are not worthy. They should be grateful for being in my presence at all. However, many strangers have ignored these warnings and accuse me of being the guilty one, but this is, of course, nonsense. After all, this is my queendom and I meow the rules.

37 thoughts on “Kitteh contest: grand prize winner!

  1. Congrats Lucy and Oriana!

    Lucy looks like the spitting image of my old cat, Smokey, at least from that angle, but he was an outdoors cat and we de-desperatized him early in his life.

  2. Excellent! Very similar to my seal point, Frida. Not quite as brutal to strangers, but she lets them know that they are intruding on her queendom…

    1. Oh, wow. How did you ever pick which picture to use?!

      Congrats–well-deserved! Particularly for “…I meow the rules.”

    2. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of pictures of Lucy, many of which could have been used. This one, however, is one of those most special ones of her. It was taken when we were moving and my huge mattress was propped up against the wall. She proclaimed it as her territory and would not let anyone near it. I had never seen her get so manic about something before. Her tail was three times its regular size. It was quite the sight. To this day whenever I change bed sheets she gets into a tizzy and performs flips and mock attacks. We will attempt to film her; unfortunately she does not like being filmed, and typically stops all activity when the video camera is trained on her.

      She totally rules her queendom. And we adore her.

  3. Long live Queen Lucy!

    Baihu just explained to me (through neural induction from his spine to the back of my neck as he naps while draped across my shoulders) why he wasn’t selected as the contest winner. Clearly, the contest was only open to mortal beings; as an actual incarnation of an ancient and powerful god, he was automatically disqualified.

    He and I are in perfect agreement that Kink, Bertrand Alfred Russell Wallace North Whitehead, Zeno, and Her Royal Highness Queen Lucifer “Lucy” Varas are all most excellently awesome cats and quite deserving of the recognition that Miranda, Russell, Ophelia, and Jerry have so rightly bestowed upon them.

    Congratulations, all!



      1. Well, of course! Every day is Baihu’s day. Neither of us would have it otherwise.

        Oh — and thanks for putting together such a clever excuse to introduce us to each other’s masters. It’s good to know the quality of company one keeps, and even better to know that said quality is so…well…awesome!



      2. Hmmm…if my calculations are correct…should we expect the next contest sometime in the middle of 2012? Say, about the same time all the nutters think Mayan Jesus will run out of appendages to count on?



    1. I have no such need for explanations. In the Keeshucentric view of the universe nothing matters if it is not about her. And Bryxie is past knowing.

      1. Lucy says she’ll think about it. She’s never really gotten along with other cats but she saw the picture in your entry and she is considering it! Something about those ears…

  4. It is gratifying to learn that Lucy is keeping up that fine old cat tradition of treating guests like chair legs! Brava brava brava to Lucy!

  5. Thank you, everyone!
    Congrats to the runners-up as well, for their entries were quite excellent. 🙂 Lucy is very pleased and expects a handsome reward of a variety of treats from me, which I think she deserves (for once). She was so happy about this that last night she slept on me the entire night.

    My mom commented earlier about the mattress. Here are a couple of images to prove it:

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