Over the years I’ve posted several of what I call “Coyne’s Rules for Life”, giving advice that I’ve learned can be useful. Here are two I remember (I haven’t written the list down anywhere):
- When taking a shower or running a bath, turn the cold water on first and only then the hot water, adding the hot to the cold until the desirable temperature is reached. This prevents you from burning yourself.
- When buttoning your shirt, start from the bottom up. This makes it much easier to avoid mis-buttoning, which can be time-consuming to rectify.
1.) Most people think that they’re a little bit crazy (in a good way). What I mean is that everybody thinks that they have one or more lovable eccentricities or peccadillos. Nobody wants to think they’re normal and boring, which is why people have this self image. My observation is that the “eccentricities” that people think make them adorable are often either mundane or seriously disturbing. If you want an example of someone who reveals an adorable craziness on a regular basis, I give you Sarah Silverman.
2.) Most people think they have a good sense of humor. Again, humor is a much appreciated characteristic in people—just look at the personals ads, which show you that everyone wants someone like that. People without a sense of humor are seen as mundane, serious, solemn, or even dour—in other words, people who are no fun to be with. However, most people do not have a good sense of humor. They may have a sense of humor in that they try to makes jokes or they laugh at other people’s jokes, but they’re not people who make you laugh regularly. The apogee of a good sense of humor is seen in people like Robin Williams.
3.) Nearly everyone thinks they’re a nice person. In other words, nobody thinks they’re a bad person, a jerk, or an asshole. How often have you heard somebody say, “You know—I’m a real jerk” and mean that. they are a real jerk pretty much all the time? (Larry David plays a real jerk on “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”)
Of course nearly everyone is capable of being nice or a jerk on occasion, but I’m talking about real jerks—the people you avoid being around because they’re constantly annoying. Because almost nobody thinks they’re a jerk but observation shows that the world has plenty of jerks, we are forced to conclude that there’s a lot of self-deception going on. (See Robert Trivers’s book The Folly of Fools for more examples.)
Needless to say, I fancy myself falling in all three categories, but is it true? Who knows? That’s why I’m prone to introspection about my interactions with others and tend to beat myself up if I think I’ve acted badly.
Please add other “rules of life” if you have some.
Congrats! You have invented social psychology!
Reminds me of The Onion headline following the passing of Gloria Steinem: Researcher who Discovered the Existence of Women Dies at 92.
My rule of life: If it doesn’t hurt another person, an animal, or the environment, it’s nobody’s business.
All good rules.
My late friend, the statistician I.J. Good (1916-2009, a.k.a. Jack Good and/or Irving John Good),* once told me that his rule for speaking out on a subject—particularly if for purposes of criticism—is first to step back and ask yourself three things:
Is it true.
It it kind.
Is it wise.
I think of this rule quite often.
*His given name was Isadore Jacob Gudak. His father, Moshe Oved (a pen name), was a famous Yiddish writer and a Jeweler in London.
Don’t take stuff personally that’s not intended personally.
A Stoic principle is that happiness, sadness, anger, gratitude, and even joy and suffering, aren’t external facts, but choices. As a prison volunteer I’ve met people who are grateful for being in prison.
Everyone wants to be liked and respected. If they act in a way that would normally be considered contrary to that principle (the entirety of the Trump administration…), they’re still trying, but their thinking has become disordered. So I try to have a little compassion when people behave like jerks. They’re doing their best but the best isn’t very good.
Anger and violence are rooted in fear, if only fear of losing face. A display of aggression is a display of weakness.