The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Washington is delighted to offer you an exorcism if you’re a person of their faith who worships in their bailiwick, and also nees some demons expelled. You have to apply forthe service, and you can either have a person or a place exorcised.
This process, of course, explicitly assumes the existence of the Evil One (probably Satan, but perhaps his demons), and his ability to do harm:
The Rite of Exorcism is a sacramental of the Catholic Church whereby “the Church asks publicly and authoritatively in the name of Jesus Christ that a person or object be protected against the power of the Evil One and withdrawn from his dominion” (Catechism of the Catholic Church #1673). It is “directed at the expulsion of demons or to the liberation from demonic possession through the spiritual authority which Jesus entrusted to His Church (ibid.).”
Click below to see the Roolz:
A few tips for applying from the site:
Procedures for Requesting an Exorcism
Persons seeking an exorcism from the Archdiocese should follow the protocol below:
- For Catholics or non-Catholics residing in the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. the first step is to request an appointment with his/her local parish priest (ADW Parish and Mass Finder) or to contact the St. Michael Center for Spiritual Renewal. The person will then be referred to the local parish priest.
- For those residing outside of the Archdiocese of Washington, please contact your local Catholic priest or local Catholic diocesan chancery for assistance.
- During the appointment the priest will listen to the person’s history, provide pastoral guidance, and deliverance prayers.
- After praying over the person, if the priest considers it appropriate, he or she is referred to the exorcism team of the Archdiocese. The person will be asked to fill out requisite forms as part of the screening process.
- The exorcism team will assess the situation and determine appropriate next steps to be followed.
- Confidentiality is assured throughout the process.
- Parents seeking ministry for a son or daughter under the age of eighteen may start by making an appointment for their child with their local parish priest, and the above outline is the same. During all appointments, at least one of the parents must be present.
- While parents may desire ministry for children over 18, at that age, the son or daughter must take the initiative in their care and follow the above outline.
Or, if your house is bedeviled by the Evil One:
Procedure for the Minor Exorcism of a Place
A minor exorcism of place, such as exorcizing a home, may be prayed by any priest with faculties to minister within the Archdiocese.
- Those seeking the blessing or exorcism of their home or business should contact their local parish priest.
This refutes the claim of those who argue that religion is not about factual beliefs. For the whole megillah presumes not only the existence of Satan and demons, but also their ability to possess people or places and make bad things happen. Further, they argue that the rite of exorcism can get rid of these malign forces.
Seriously, this is still maintained by the Catholic Church and used by those who share those beliefs. Here’s a Catholic exorcism in the Philippines:
The efficacy of exorcism could of course be tested, although the placebo effect here is strong. For example, if the Church determines that someone with epilepsy is possessed by The Evil One, they could see if an exorcism would cure the condition. (Of course, you’d need a control group: Catholic but unexorcised.) But I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t approve of an exorcism in this case—or in other cases that could be tested. This renders this ridiculous belief immune to disconfirmation, like Carl Sagan’s fire-breathing dragon. Sagan was, I’m sure, partly motivated by religion (and other unevidenced beliefs) when he wrote this:
. . . Once again, the only sensible approach is tentatively to reject the dragon hypothesis, to be open to future physical data, and to wonder what the cause might be that so many apparently sane and sober people share the same strange delusion.
h/t: Richard
We know this is fake otherwise there would no longer be Republicans in Washington DC
Aw, you beat me to it!
What’s an exorcism going for these days? This stuff ain’t free, ya know.
You can pay on an installment plan, but if you miss a payment you get repossessed.
—sorry, too easy
Lovely! I was just imagining the fee structure. Say $500 per demon, or pay for five and get one free. Not much point in a seniors’ discount, as it seems those pesky demons actually prefer to inhabit acting-out teenagers. Strange, that.
Did not Pelosi have an exorcism to rid her house of any spirits left by the person who attacked her husband?
Catholicism is moronic (well, to be fair, Christianity is moronic). What a world that these dress-wearing men (no offense intended toward drag performers) believe this crap.
Not much difference between exorcism and therapy. Therapy doesn’t seem to have done much for Prince Harry. (All said a bit tongue-in-cheek)
Maybe we should crowdfund an exorcism for him?
I’m assuming the number to call is 555-2368.
Yesterday at breakfast, the demonic plastic packaging around a container of pineapple chunks resisted my attempts to open the [damned] thing for several minutes. In fact, I am convinced that the Evil One is fully in charge of the entire plastic packaging industry. Is there a number (presumably area code 666) I can call for exorcism service on this matter?
Go ahead. Request an exorcism. It’ll be a kick! You know you want to. Apparently you don’t need to be Catholic. I’d go for the Major model, not the Minor one. Live it up!
When I was about 19 I had a friend from high school, Scott, who developed schizophrenia. He would often hold out loud conversations with himself that consisted as much of grunts and growls as of words. He learned of a Christian organization in the town of Eureka, about 80 miles away, that performed exorcisms and wanted to have one. I was a confirmed atheist but thought there might be a placebic value to it so I drove him there.
My first impression when we arrived was that these were young Christian hippies who had little idea what they were doing. They wouldn’t let me sit in on the exorcism so I have no idea what they actually did but I saw no change whatsoever afterwords.
Scott’s schizophrenia led to some wild times. He had been disowned by his adoptive family so one Christmas I invited him to stay with my family over the holidays. We were staying in a small second house my parents owned. The house was unfurnished at the time and one night while I was trying to sleep on a pad on the floor Scott was pacing the house having these growling conversations with himself. At one point he stopped beside me, knelt down, kissed me on the back of my head and said “I love you Mars Feeney” and then went back to his pacing and growling.
His pacing and growling then started to get more and more aggravated. Suddenly he ran to the kitchen, grabbed a kitchen knife and held it to his chest while running around the house screaming and growling. I chased after shouting “Scott, don’t do it” feeling helpless and lame. He ran into the bathroom with me chasing after. Then he just stopped, handed me the knife and said “There, I chased him away”.
Needless to say I hid the knives after that.
Has anyone read the Ts-&-Cs closely enough to determine if you can get it done to someone else’s house? Possibly even, done remotely?
I’m thinking of a latter-day version of the “efficacy of intercessory prayer” experiments, whereby you could distribute exorcism (and non-exorcism) around a population of houses and see if there is a detectable outcome. You’d need to scatter the exorcisms (non-exorcisms) around the various types of house (apartment/ semi-detached/ detached and city/ suburban/ rural), value brackets, gas/ oil/ electric heating. All the usual suspects – the options at a house-hunting website will give you a list. Which needs a larger experiment, but you can manage (to a degree) that with “Latin Square” experimental designs.
Also … if you’re exorcising an apartment, how do you control the “exorcism field” from penetrating into the apartments above or below? For that matter, how does Satan prevent his “possession field” from leaking similarly. I assume there is a significant cost (on a 0 to Satan-normal scale) to setting-up (and running) an exorcism.
If Satan possesses a house, does he also possess it’s resident spiders and death-watch beetles? And can they move while possessed? Possessed rats, if they exist, could be useful tools for probing the physics of a possession (anti-exorcism?) field.
Someone mentioned the compatibility of science and religion earlier, and I’m just trying to get a feel for how that could work.