Since I don’t listen much to modern rock and pop (but enough to know it’s dire), I can’t really include music after, say, 1985 when considering the worst song in rock history. Here’s one video giving the ten worst modern songs, but I have to go with what I know.
I have two contenders, but I’ve settled on one, and I may have posted this before. The worst song I’ve ever heard in my own day is this one from 1976 (the video is also execrable):
Yup, it’s Charlene singing her only hit, “I’ve never been to me.” The topic is dreadful: it’s about a woman who had an adventurous life but realized too late that her real purpose is to be a faithful wife and a breeder. She’s telling women who have other dreams to be contented with being a wife and mother, for their dreams are hollow—even if they’re of being undressed by kings!
But the words are what put this song on the Red Ball Express to hell. Have a look (bolded comments are mine):
Hey lady, you ladyCursing at your lifeYou’re a discontented motherAnd a regimented wifeI’ve no doubtYou dream about the things you’ll never doBut I wish someone had a talk to me like I wanna talk to youOoh, I’ve been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could runTook the hand of a preacher manAnd we made love in the sun (seriously?)But I ran out of places and friendly facesBecause I had to be freeI’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me…Please lady please ladyDon’t just walk away‘Cause I have this need to tell youWhy I’m all alone todayI can see so much of meStill living in your eyesWon’t you share a partOf a weary heart that has lived a million livesOoh, I’ve been to Nice and the Isle of Greece (Isle of Greece? Greece is not an “isle”!”)When I sipped champagne on a yachtI moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo (a badly forced rhyme)And showed them what I’ve got (the rhymes just get worse, and the next three lines are what make the song indubitably the worst ever)I’ve been undressed by kingsAnd I’ve seen some things that a woman ain’t s’posed to seeI’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me…
Hey, you know what paradise is?It’s a lieA fantasy we created about people and placesAs we like them to beBut you know what truth is?It’s that little baby you’re holdingAnd it’s that man you fought with this morningThe same one you are gonna make love to tonightThat’s truth that’s love (shoot me now)Sometimes I’ve been to crying for unborn childrenThat might have made me completeBut I, I took the sweet lifeI never knew I’d be bitter from the sweetI spent my life exploringThe subtle whoring (what is “subtle” whoring?)That costs too much to be freeHey lady I’ve been to paradiseBut I’ve never been to me…I’ve been to paradise – never been to me(I’ve been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)I’ve been to paradise – never been to me(I’ve been to Nice and the isle of GreeceWhile I sipped champagne on a yacht)I’ve been to paradise – never been to me
Feel free to suggestion your own choices for Worst Song.
I think it is intentionally bad. The bridge is clearly ironic, so I tend not to take it seriously. I view it as a parody ballad. The song works amazingly in the sentimental drag comedy The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert.
It’s not at all a parody, it was a big hit and the fat that the song was used in a drag comedy many years later doesn’t show that it was a parody.
I don’t think the bridge is ironic at all. It’s just a bad song that has a message that apparently resonated with a lot of people: it reassured bored women that their lives were actually okay.
“Clearly ironic”? To you, maybe, but if you lived through those days, I never heard anybody say it was either intentionally bad or ironic.
I’m ashamed to admit that for the last week or so I have been ear-wormed by this song – probably because I was in Nice on the weekend. I sincerely hope it goes away.
“Afternoon Delight” by the Starland Vocal Band. Incredibly, they won the Grammy for Best New Artist. They never had another hit.
Yep, except for that great 10 seconds of harmony at the end.
That’s a great song!1!
Nooo!
Afternoon Delight always comes up on “worst songs” lists, but I must protest!
It’s super melodic, the vocals are superb – the harmonies rich, the vocal blending beautiful. Yeah it’s cheesy…but talented cheese (I actually enjoy the song without irony)
Thanks for pointing this song out.
Dave Barry has written extensively on this topic:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Barry%27s_Book_of_Bad_Songs although in a scientific poll of readers Charlene only came in second in the “most hated per voter” category behind “In the year 2525”. Overall winner for worst song was “MacArthur Park”. I myself have an odd fondness for William Shatner’s version of “Lucy in the sky with diamonds”.
Shatner’s recordings can’t really count. I’m certain his songs were done tongue-in-check. His version of Rocketman is “astounding “.
Nimoy’s music on the other hand appears to be absolutely sincere.
Shatner also does a great cover of Common People, with Joe Jackson accompanying on vocals, and produced by Ben Folds.
Agreed! The Shatner version of Common People rocks! It also has the great Joe Jackson on it. Definitely worth a listen. https://youtu.be/cMXhWf0vE7c
Nimoy has gotten grief for his (actual, as opposed to Shatner’s dramatic reading) singing. I’ve never heard anyone with a decent vocabulary justify their animosity toward it. (Had Nimoy instead given dramatic readings, would they nevertheless inescapably be construed as singing?) I perceive that the vast majority merely repeat what they’ve heard and indulge in piling on. Anyone who gives him grief should sit back (tied to a chair) and repeatedly listen to, e.g., Steppenwolf’s “The Pusher” and Megan the Stallion’s (or whoever caterwauls it) “Wap” and contemplate what constitutes quality singing and lyrics.
I like MacArthur Park, perhaps because of my fondness for Richard Harris as an actor and bon vivant.
GCM
As with the sacred and the profane, sometimes a thin line separates the abominable and the sublime.
Well said!
On his album, “The Transformed Man,” Shatner is giving dramatic, interpretive readings of song lyrics with (what I consider high-quality) instrumental background accompaniment, as well as works that are not songs (Romeo’s soliloquy from “Romeo and Juliet,” soliloquy from “Hamlet,” “King Henry the Fifth”). (I “confess” and “admit” that I have memorized the first two on account of repeatedly listening to what I consider Shatner’s outstanding delivery.)
Exactly where does he sing or otherwise vocalize musical tones in any of this? (Easily accessible on free Spotify.) In a world where Rap is considered musical, I can see this. (At least rappers work hard at making their poetry rhyme, which I gather has been decreed from Mount Olympus by the academic literati for the last few decades as not “cool.”) But, let’s say what Shatner does is singing. If so, what would a dramatic reading by him have to sound like to distinguish it from his “singing”?
Me old mucker Helpless Huw, a lovely bloke, sang with a 19 year-old’s visceral intensity in his timeless punk classic, ‘Sid Vicious was innocent’, “…the only one who cried was probably his mom/Sid Vicious died a very lonely man”. What a sentiment, what poetry. Keatsian.
I’ve got a soft spot for S. Vicious’s cover of Sinatra’s “My Way” (originally a French melody with English lyrics by Paul Anka).
Mr. Scorsese certainly got good use of Sid’s cover over the epilogue to Goodfellas. Any film that kicks things off with Tony Bennett’s “From Rags to Riches” and closes with Sid Vicious’s “My Way” takes you for a helluva ride.
I remember hearing this in 1985 (I was 14) and thought it to be objectionably stupid. I wondered if it was that “Christian rock” which I’d heard they had in the US but I’d fortunately never experienced. What a load of crap, I thought. hehehe
D.A.
NYC
There are just too many bad songs to list! In addition to Jerry’s favorites for worst, it’s fun reading what other correspondents are adding. “MacArthur Park” is a good candidate for awful, but I must admit that I like “In the Year 2525.” I’m not a fan of “YMCA,” even though it’s played during the 7th inning stretch at T-Mobile Park where the Mariners play. (Maybe that’s why I’m sick of it.)
A certain someone has ruined the camp cachet of “YMCA” for all time.
I’d include (in alphabetical band name order):
America’s CSNYesque “Horse with no Name” for its terrible lyrics
Counting Crows’ awful cover of Joni’s “Big Yellow Taxi”
Led Zepp’s cod-reggae “D’yer Mak’er”
Starship’s “We Built this City”
Not sure if they fit into the rock category, but The Beatles’ “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” and “Octopus’s Garden” are pretty abysmal, too *quickly ducks*
No, those are bad Beatles songs, especially Octopus’s Garden, which I believe was written by Ringo. It sucks big time.
Maxwell’s silver hammer?!
😉
I remember, from when I was fairly young, wondering why they found it so difficult to name their horse.
I thought that there must be some profound deep meaning that I would understand when I grew up.
We Built This City is astoundingly terrible. Hard to fathom how Starship grew out of Jefferson Airplane, a great band.
I would add my two personal abominations: Two Tickets To Paradise by Eddie Money and Gloria by the late Laura Brannigan.
I misread Starship as Starship Trooper! Also terrible.
Came here to indict We Built This City. Truly awful and an actual rock song. Pretty much everything that is bad about rock and roll in one song. I kinda like D’yer Mak’er, it’s funny. Agree that those Beatles songs are dismal. I’ve read through the comments and haven’t seen mention of the torturous MacArthur Park. The most self indulgent interminable overblown garbage ever committed to vinyl
Oh, Cat, I remember when this song was out. I was rather young, but not too young to realize just how stupidly terrible the song is. Man,w as it annoying.
“I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo…” Yes, it sounds like a rapper was passing through for a brief cameo.
But for the MOST badly forced rhyme of all time, I submit (and as I’m a hardcore Allman Brothers fanatic, this is doubly embarrassing), from Gregg Allman’s “Please Call Home,” THIS clanger:
“And I know, that you’re used to runnin’
Oh you’re lost baby, and I ain’t funnin’…”
Now as to PCC’s SECOND-worst song, absolutely. In ’72 or ’73, I was growing up a rock ‘n’ roller in West “Hotfoot,” CT. The local rock station (I think it may have been WDRC, but I can’t swear to it) supposedly fired this DJ, who then locked himself in the control room, and threatened to play Melanie’s horrifying abortion of a song over and over, looped completely non-stop, until they gave him his job back.
And he did, and after more than 24 hours, they did. It took me years to realize that this was probably all a publicity stunt, and his job was never actually in danger.
And it worked. After one day, there was hardly anyone in the known universe who didn’t know all about that station. So ghastly it was that more than 50 years later, I can’t forget it.
I saw Melanie play at the Glastonbury Festival in ’82 (IIRC) – the only songs I can remember are THAT one and a cover of the Stones’ “Ruby Tuesday”.
Aw. What about Patches (Dickie Lee, 1962)? I just listened to it again to make sure it was as awful as I remembered, and my gorge rose.
You have no pity for the girl from the wrong side of town? Heartless! ;>D
Nooooo!!!! How could you remind me of that?? Patches, I’m dependin’ on you son, to pull the family through. Now I’ll have that stuck in my head all day. In a somewhat similar vein there’s also “Teddy Bear” by Red Sovine.
I understand. But there are far worse songs.
When you cross “hideous” and “dreadful”, this is what you get:
Wildfire
Michael Martin Murphey
She comes down from Yellow Mountain
On a dark, flat land she rides
On a pony she named Wildfire
With a whirlwind by her side
On a cold Nebraska night
Oh, they say she died one winter
When there came a killing frost
And the pony she named Wildfire
Busted down its stall
In a blizzard, he was lost
She ran calling Wildfire
She ran calling Wildfire
She ran calling Wildfire
By the dark of the moon, I planted
But there came an early snow
Been a hoot-owl howling outside my window now
‘Bout six nights in a row
She’s coming for me, I know
And on Wildfire we’re both gonna go
We’ll be ridin’ Wildfire
We’ll be ridin’ Wildfire
We’ll be ridin’ Wildfire
On Wildfire we’re gonna ride
We’re gonna leave sodbustin’ behind
Get these hard times right on out of our minds
Riding Wildfire
I have to say that the words are sort of smarmy, but I do love the tune, especially the Scriabin-influenced intro and outro. This live version is good, even if you ignore the words:
I agree.
I remember my sister and I calling the radio station and asking them to play Wildfire, and the DJ played it twice in a row for us. I was 8 and thought it was the coolest thing ever to hear my name on the radio.
I love this song.
Professor CC, as you know, the internet never forgets–and I completely agree with your “worst songs ever” post of October 17, 2013. Your #1 worst song in that post will ALWAYS be my most hated song: Muskrat Love.
OMG. Awful.
Get’s my vote.
Right up there with Afternoon Delight. There was a stretch there in the ’70s where rock/popular music was incredibly bi-polar with the worst and the best.
I’ve always liked Melanie’s “Brand New Key,” a peppy, fun little number that used to play at my local roller rink.
For worst song I nominate the painful “Run Joey Run” by David Geddes. It’s bad on several levels, including the dreaded Dead Teenager one.
“Run Joey run Joey run
Daddy please don’t, it wasn’t his fault, he means so much to me
Daddy please don’t, we’re gonna get married
Just you wait and see.”
Oh, the humanity …
I thought you meant this at first, Sastra, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OiljaInq4g Top bubblegum pop. ‘Quick Joey Small’. Kasenatz-Katz Singing Orchestral Circus.
I also like “Brand New Key”. I never bought any of Melanie’s records but I used to enjoy listening to her songs when they came on the radio all those years ago. She has a distinctive voice with a lot of personality. I like the wry line “Some say I’ve done alright for a girl”.
My go-tos for worst songs of all time (although they hardly qualify as rock songs) are Paul Anka’s “Having My Baby” and Dan Hill’s “Sometimes When We Touch”
Just listened to the Charlene song, with which I was previously unfamiliar. Yup, pretty awful. I was better off being unfamiliar with it.
I’ll just leave this here…
My brother-in-law insists I sing this with him every Thanksgiving to my sister while she’s cooking the turkey. One of these years, I’m gonna stop humoring him.
That one was written as a mashup of two existing novelty songs, and was not really meant to be taken seriously.
Taking a quick look at Wikipedia here –
The composition – the writing for the instruments – has interesting changes.
Ron Miller and Ken Hirsch were the writers. Ron Miller wrote For Once In My Life. Hirsch has good credits. Charlene had Stevie Wonder join her for Used to Be (1982).
… it made the charts – but yeah, the only way the instruments and writing could help this tune if they had a match to put it out of its misery.
(Anyone get that reference?)
The reference for my joke that fell … FLAT :
“You expect me to play this, man?”
“What else would you do with it?” : https://youtu.be/CgfZVNv6w2E
Some say the Shaggs are the worst band of all time, but some say they are among the best. Reportedly Frank Zappa liked them, and Kurt Cobain, perhaps ironically. Youtube comments under music are often a hoot. The top comment here says “This is the ultimate band for people who have heard too much music.” The 2nd rated says “Only band talented enough to play 3 different songs at once 10/10”. I’d say as (hobby) musician myself that outsider art like this is indeed somehow refreshing.
https://youtu.be/hxPsXPCR5MU
If you remove unconventional music from the list, I’d say the worst band of all time, no contest, is Supertramp. I’m convinced, the most-played band in Guantamo. Here is how that played out. They thought about playing Infant Annihilator, Suffocation or classic Cannibal Corpse to soften up the innates, and then some depraved mind suggested the “best of” Supertramp. I think the others upon hearing that plan, sick in their stomach, then leaked to Snowden what goes on there.
There is something about The Shaggs that I like. They kind of remind me of Cibo Matto.
Worst song to me is anything by Kid Rock.
Yes, strangely. There’s an awesome YT channel, Pat Finnerty, which I also patreonise, kind of anti-Beato. He has one episode about Kid Rock, deservedly, so. Kid Rock got my negative attention when he stole/sampled from the great Warren Zevon (“Werewolves of London” is just an okay song, Zevon has others that are great) in that lame song that got quite some airplay even though it’s just a mashup of Zevon/Lynrd.
However, Finnerty’s episode about “Soul Sister” is funnier, and is actually on topic here. What a bad song! Not as bad as Supertramp, though, which I can’t hear without throwing up. Wikipedia says:
“ Critical reception[edit]
“Hey, Soul Sister” has seen its fair share of criticism. The Village Voice derided the song, quipping “‘Hey Soul Sister’ is an orgy where bad ideas trade STDs, and the most syphilitic brain-fart stumbled in drunk from a Smash Mouth show … From Smash Mouth, Train picked up an earworm that burrowed into society’s asshole, laid 4.7 million iTunes eggs, and gave birth to a grey cloud of banality that covers the Earth.”[11] Similarly, Mother Jones stated “there is less soul in the entirety of Train than in the palest single member of Collective Soul. ‘Hey, Soul Sister’ is soul for people who refer to peanut butter and jelly as ‘soul food.’ It makes the California Raisins look like the second coming of Sly and the Family Stone. It’s so white, Sarah Palin just named it her running mate for 2012.”[12] In a tamer review, Business Insider named “Hey, Soul Sister” the worst song of 2010 describing the song as a “saccharine, falsettoed ear-bleeder.”[13] LA Weekly took aim at Pat Monahan’s lyrical content, awarding “Hey, Soul Sister” places two through ten in its Top 10 worst lyrics of 2010 list.[14]
However, in a positive review, Scott Mervis, writing for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, praised the song as a welcome comeback from the band’s hiatus, calling the track “joyous” and “bouncy”.[15]”
https://youtu.be/8JeAfVoA_iE
Oh god, I hate that Kid Rock song. Not particularly fond of Werewolves of London either, but I don’t remotely hate it.
Supertramp I kind of like.
Thanks for the intro to The Shaggs. Thought-provoking, sad, marvelous in its own way, and fiercely funny comments. 🙂
Disagree on Supertramp. “Give a Little Bit” is a perfectly adequate 1970s song.
I was once forced to endure a Cannibal Corpse concert. I do like hard music, but Cannibal Corpse just doesn’t do it for me.
“… art like this is indeed somehow refreshing.”
I must support The Shaggs. In almost-brief :
The Shaggs have everything that matters in music.
The thoughts might occur :
They sound like kids banging around.
They can’t play anything serious.
They can’t sing or play in time.
They can’t write serious lyrics.
I have to shut it off before too long – can’t stand it.
To which I would argue – so what? It is a _good_ thing to hear kids banging around like that. When are kids as creative? It is wonderful that kids would get up and just play together like this – despite not having technical proficiency, or caring for it. Is only “serious” music important? _Expression_ is what matters. They sound all over the place – but listen – they know exactly what they are doing. I regularly have to shut the most exquisite music off before it is over – it doesn’t mean the music is intrinsically trash.
In summary, what do The Shaggs express?
Utter honesty.
I certain Kurt Cobain perceived this as well. I leave it to The Shaggs to finish this comment :
“Oh, the rich people want what the poor people’s got
And the poor people want what the rich people’s got
And the skinny people want what the fat people’s got
And the fat people want what the skinny people’s got
You can never please anybody in this world”
[ excerpt ]
-Dorothy Wiggin
1969 (<-I was not aware of this)
Philosophy of the World
performed by The Shaggs
Album:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophy_of_the_World
Lyrics:
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/shaggs/philosophyoftheworld.html
Most embarrassing song by a major artist:
“My Ding-a-ling” by Chuck Berry
Worst song when you stop and think about what the storyline is:
“Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes–two lovers decide to cheat on one-another, and laugh it off when they answer each other’s ad. Yeesh.
What about “Every Breath you Take”? It’s actually a good song except that the protagonist is clearly a stalker.
The lyric was referring to the “aisle of grease” at the supermarket – you get through a lot of personal lubricants after you are undressed by kings..
😁
Also, Brimful of asha by Cornershop
Songs I hate, I have a list:
– Don’t Worry Be Happy (was it written in 30 seconds?)
– Mr. Jones (what a horrible singing voice)
– pretty much anything by the Tragically Hip (horrible singing voice)
– pretty much anything sung by Prince (oddly enough I like some of the songs he wrote for other people, but I can’t stand his own stuff)
– pretty much anything sung by Michael Jackson (I don’t understand the appeal)
– anything by AC/DC after Bon Scott died (his replacement sounds like Daffy Duck on helium)
I could go on, but I’ll spare you.
Re: Prince songs. I am not a fan either, though I appreciate his amazing guitar playing. But this is good:
It’s always interesting to me how varied tastes are. In his earliest days I didn’t care for Prince, but as his career progressed I grew to like him a lot, and at this late date I think he was one of the best of the best. But, as they say, there’s no accounting for taste.
I played ‘Kiss’ by Prince for my teenage kids, and their response was basically WTF. The cover by Tom Jones & Art of Noise was much easier to listen to.
Well that was really terrible, agreed. I also detest –
“Born to Be Alive” By Patrick Hernandez –
Early in her career, Rosanne Barr sang a song in response to I’ve Never Been To Me, called, I’ve Been To Me (“and believe me it’s no thrill”).
LMAO imoji!
I haven’t read the comments so my question may have been answered, but why is this song considered rock?
Solely because it appeared on the Billboard rock charts, I assume.
And they would know rock, if it hit them in a sock?
(Semi-seriously – why would one collection of keyboard-tappers have some particular reason to know more about rock music than the next infinite monkey cage wold know about Shakespeare? 2^260199 to 1 against and rising.)
A questioned I’ve asked myself about many rock songs.
No mention of rap??? Surely first two or three thousand worst songs of all time are all rap…
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/2chainz/birthdaysong.html
+1
Yet, proto-rap in loose funk black music could be great like Bobby Womack’s ‘Across 110th Street’: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOg_8hCC4u4 That groove loosens the tiresome predictability of the stress patterns in modern hip-hoppy rap.
Bobby Womack is the Zelig, the Forrest Gump, of R&B, soul, jazz, and rock; he shows up everywhere.
I love “Across 110th Street.” Tarantino got great use of it in the opening shot of Jackie Brown.
I accept his voice is just like that when he’s Rod Steward, say, but this guy? I have the urge to give him a glass of water.
I suspect his CeilingCatness tuned his radio away from the music channels before rap really got going.
Does anyone remember this horrid song. It used to be played a lot, for some ungodly reason. D.O.A by Bloodrock.
I remember.
We were flying along. And hit something in the air…
For some reason, the following comes to mind :
Friend’s parent’s basement
Sibling of legal drinking age
Something green that gets wrapped up into a cylindrical shape
Friday night
… not sure why,….
Since this post is now unofficially out of control with tunes (I love it!) :
First, the clickbait titles :
Mozart’s joke symphony – deliberately terrible counterpoint : https://youtu.be/df3dr3cDOfo
Haydn’s fart joke (and more) : https://youtu.be/VF8MmpKA6mk
… The YouTuber Richard Atkinson guides the listener through the pieces in a focused, analytical style with the sheet music to let you know when the fart is coming, for example.
The one that always irked me was ‘Here Comes The Rain Again’ by Eurythmics.
‘Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion’
What?
Then it runs out of ideas and just repeats that wonky non-metaphor for the rest of the song.
Young Annie, as a fine Bucksburn quine, knew a lot about rain.
Heh. I went to the same school as her, a few years later after it changed from girls school to regular comprehensive.
I agree with PCC(E) and would like to add for your consideration: (I’m getting queasy just thinking about it) White Bird by It’s A Beautiful Day. No, it is NOT beautiful if it includes this song.
During Todd Rundgren’s latest “Unpredictable” tour, he actually COVERED Brand New Key. Oh, lord no.
Yikes – Todd has always been pretty eclectic, but that’s ridiculous. I first saw him at Knebworth in ’78 when he came on as a guest with The Tubes to cover “Baba O’Reilly” (Keith Moon’s death had been announced that day IIRC).
Isn’t Charlene giving the same message as Bridget Phetasy?
https://bridgetphetasy.substack.com/p/slut-regret
Upon opening Louise Perry’s new book, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century, I’m moved to tears by the dedication:
“For the women who learned it the hard way”
Unlike many other people who have read and reviewed Perry’s work, reading her book wouldn’t be some academic exercise in contemplating how liberal feminism has let women down. It wouldn’t be evaluating what those poor sluts over there have endured in the wake of the sexual revolution. Reading her book was personal.
I’m one of those sluts.
I’m a case study for her thesis. A cautionary tale. I knew this book was going to be difficult. And it made me realize it’s time to finish this essay –– one I’ve been trying to write for four years.
It’s a tough needle to thread. I’m grateful for the ability to control my reproductive cycle and make my own money. But that freedom has come at a price. The dark side of the sexual revolution is that even though it liberated women—unyoking sex from consequences has primarily benefited men.
To quote a conversation overheard at a West African bar between two “ladies of negotiable affection”, “I ain’t a whore! I only accept dollars!”
It was a lie – she knew her prices in € and local currency too. But I doubt she did a * 655.957 conversion between the two in her head.
Tell Laura I love her (Ray Peterson) and Leader of the pack (Shangri-Las). Seems like Jeff Barry had a hand in writing both.
Ricky Valance’s cover of “Tell Laura I Love Her” (released in 1960 like the original) was the first UK No. 1 by a Welsh singer. I remember him talking about it on the radio a few years ago – he came across as a very lovely man.
Life is too short for me to spend attention on ‘the worst song’, ‘the worst book’ etc. Even songs you really like become unbearable if you play them over and over.
And yet lists like ‘the 10 best songs’, ‘the ten things you didn’t know about xxxxx’, are strangely attractive…
The Charlene song is abominable, but Roller Skates is fun and unobjectionable. My candidate for second worst song is Into the Night by Benny Mardones, in which the narrator lusts after a teenage girl and moans that the adults in her life have the audacity to protect her from him. However, the tune is pleasingly haunting, albeit a bit lugubrious. It had pervasive radio presence at the time I was starting high school. It still evokes for me the moment when my life was just a giant lode of potential, unalloyed by disillusionment.
I swear, I could have, might have even, written every sentence of your comment.
I don’t think any such list is complete without a mention of Mr. B.R. Cyrus’s “Achy Breaky Heart,” which reminds me of an old joke:
A condemned man is about to be shot before a firing squad. He’s given a blindfold, a cigarette, and asked if he has a final request.
“Put ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ on the turntable one last time.”
“Okay, anything else?”
“Yeah, shoot me before it starts playing.”
It is not true that modern rock and pop is universally dire, unless you limit your listening to the traditional outlets.
Nowadays I really only listen to music at festivals and other live gigs (is there such a thing as a dead gig?) and I can confirm that there is plenty of good new pop and rock music. It just doesn’t make it to the mainstream anymore.
From a slightly earlier era than most of the songs nominated so far, I submit Hey Mickey by Toni Basil.
Going back to the 60s, let me commit the blasphemy of pointing out that Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf is a really, really bad song.
You know, as a blasphemer, you may be stoned.
Tribal leader: Stay here and get stoned.
Fat Freddy: I’d love to, but I’ve gotta run.
Tribal leader: (sadly) OK, guys you can put away the rocks.
[From The Sacred Sands of Pootweet]
There are many many awful rock songs. But to be truly fair in choosing the worst you must first exclude the entire Nickelback catalogue. Otherwise, it’s Nickelback all the way down.
With that in mind, I humbly submit this entry into the running for worst
non-Nickelback rock song.
The Final Countdown – by Europe. Such an annoying (and annoyingly sung) chorus.
I Think I’m Going Bald – Rush
For popular songs:
I Just Called To Say I Loved You – Stevie Wonder
I’m a SW fan, but my gawd, that song! Insipid melody, mewlingly delivered, the chorus goes on ENDLESS repeat. It feels like the song is never going to end. Keep the razor blades hidden when this one is on.
Completely agree with you that I’ve Never Been To Me is without doubt the worst song ever recorded, and indeed anyone who says otherwise is a fool and a communist.
I can’t believe that nobody so far has mentioned the appalling Don’t Stop Believing by Journey. Like INBTM, its catchy and memorable but in an excruciatingly annoying and embarrassing way.
Agree about Charlene. Quite like ‘Afternoon Delight’!
‘Classic’ by Adrian Gurvitz is pretty horrible. I’ve always assumed the words of the chorus were joke words he forgot to replace. As if McCartney decided to go with ‘Scrambled Eggs’ instead of ‘Yesterday’:
Got to write a classic (you failed)
Got to write it in an attic (ugh)
Baby, I’m an addict now (oh no)
An addict for your love (ugh again)
Agree completely. Also some rubbish by (I think) David Essex, something about the nights being colder and maybe he should close the door.
This looks like something they would show on Schitt’s Creek, as a flashback to Moira Rose’s attempt at cutting an album during the 70s or something.