Jesus ‘n’ Mo ‘n’ Raisin Cain

16 thoughts on “Jesus ‘n’ Mo ‘n’ Raisin Cain”

1. Personally, I’d take the raisins over the virgins. I mean, about the second virgin into a run of 72, I’d be flat begging Allah for a weekend pass to Vegas, just to go hang out and kibbitz with some showgirls and pros.

   1. Eternity is plenty of time for them to gain some experience.

      1. No, because each time they revert to being virgins again. Really.

         72 also sounds like many, but remember that you are there forever. After 363,543,635,257,244,364,344,488,562,844 years: “Not her again!”

         1. “Not her again!”

            Or him.

            1. +1

      2. I thought the point was that they were “eternally virgin” – or as we’d put it in the context of stopping junction boxes from leaking, “self-amalgamating“.

2. Can anyone cite that one? My favorite example of mistranslation is that apparently it is not all alcohol that is forbidden, but only fermented grape products (wine, port). Fermented potatoes and wheat are kosher… err… halal.

   1. https://www.theguardian.com/books/2002/jan/12/books.guardianreview5

      No links to original sources but a good starting point.

      On second thought, quote deleted for family friendly reasons.

      1. a different quote, book came out in ~2001 so should be later reviews and comments:

         “Christoph Luxenberg’s book, Die Syro-Aramaische Lesart des Koran, available only in German, came out just over a year ago, but has already had an enthusiastic reception, particularly among those scholars with a knowledge of several Semitic languages at Princeton, Yale, Berlin, Potsdam, Erlangen, Aix-en-Provence, and the Oriental Institute in Beirut.

         Luxenberg tries to show that many obscurities of the Koran disappear if we read certain words as being Syriac and not Arabic.”

   2. I can’t find a citation – the English translations describe the houris as “wide-eyed”, “with intensely black eyes set against the whiteness of their irises” etc. so it seems a stretch to me to substitute dried fruit (but then, I’m no expert). One passage refers to “bright-eyed damsels in sheltered in pavilions” – maybe that should be damsons?!

      1. The most difficult thing about making damson wine is getting the damsons – or so my brother-in-law told me as we sipped his version.

3. Well, this certainly puts a new wrinkle in what it means to be a virgin.

4. So all those virgins waiting around in heaven will just be hung out to dry?

5. Naturally, Boris Johnson, the British prime minister, had a tasteful take on this before rising to that office of state: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seventy-Two_Virgins

   And then there’s his tactful poem about the Turkish president…

   1. For those in doubt about the diplomacy of our then London Mayor, later Foreign Secretary, and current prime minister, his prize-winning effort in The Spectator’s “President Erdoğan offensive poetry competition” was:

      There was a young fellow from Ankara,
      Who was a terrific wankerer.
      Till he sowed his wild oats,
      With the help of a goat,
      But he didn’t even stop to thankera.

      No wonder Johnson thinks he’s the “world king”…

6. Is Erdoğan from Ankara? I thought he was a city boy? Yeah, Istanbul – about as close as Newcastle is to London. IN American terms, is that like calling someone from New York a Washingtonian?
   Of course such questions would go straight over the Prime Liar’s head, so remaining at least 1.25m from his thinking organ.

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