This is a travesty

October 30, 2017 • 2:30 pm

America is truly going to hell. First we elect a loon as President, and now this. Our department office keeps a bowl of candy for those who drop in, and the pickings are always pretty good (Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, small 100 Grand candy bars, etc.) But today I found this in the bowl.

It’s a fast day for me, so I just took it and will try it tomorrow. I want to see if there’s any difference between the “good organic stuff” and the usual mixture of wax, sugar, dye, and chemicals that is known to Americans as “candy corn”.

AND THEN. . . . someone put this on my FB page, which led me to Google “candy corn Jesus”, and well. . . let’s just say there’s a lot of stuff.  Just another reason to hate that vile confection:

There’s this:

Can you imagine getting this in your Halloween bag? It’s doubly odious:

I’d add that religion poisons everything, but candy corn is already poison.

97 thoughts on “This is a travesty”

      1. Stale candy corn – no thanks.

        Stale candy canes – oh, yeah, they get gooey on the outside and soft & bendable.

    2. Don’t know how you feel about marmite, but it makes me nauseous. Think of candy corn as the North American equivalent.

      1. Marmite?

        Looks like. Smells like. Tastes like. Probably is.

        (And that goes for Vegemite too).

        cr

        1. Yuck. Axle grease. At least its reasonably healthy though unlike the agro industrial corn complex that pervades much of the food chain in the US.

          1. That is as eloquent in not specifying what I am, as my comment was in not specifying what Marmite is. 😉

            cr

        3. If there were a Hell, they’d be wallpapering the Marmite room especially for you.
          Room 101?

          1. Just as well you’re not in charge Down Below. You’re way too inventive. 🙁

            cr

  3. “America is truly going to hell.”

    Best opening sentence I’ve ever read. If it was followed only by the pictures, I would have understood just as well.

  4. If candy corn had 1/4 the amount of sugar it had now, it might be marginally OK.

    It also goes stale wayyy faster than a lot of other candy.

  9. I know I’ll be doxxed, harassed, and receive death threats for saying this, but…

    I love candy corn.

    COME AT ME, BRO

    1. (apologies to my family and friends for putting them in danger, but I must speak up about the continuing injustice I see regarding this vital issue)

    2. I agree! Harvest mix too – you know, when the stuff is shaped like pumpkins, bats (vaguely chocolate) moons & such.

    4. I’m not ashamed to declare my affection for candy corn. But once again religion ruins everything.

    6. I like candy corn too, and there are grades of candy corn quality. In my humble opinion Brach’s is the best. I have, in the past, tried other off-brands and I will admit they come close to Jerry’s description of the confection.

    7. BJ, here is the harassment you deserve:

      You probably like those big orange circus-peanut candies, too!

      1. Ok, you people have just declared yourself part of the Candy Corn problem. We’ll never be rid of this evil so long as it still has some form of support.

        Please, report for de-programming.

    8. I think we have something going here. A real candy corn revival. I like the stuff but I really like the candy pumpkins. You can really sink your teeth into those things.

  11. Reblogged this on Scotties Toy Box and commented:
    This makes me angry. IF I had children going Trick or Treat and they were given this I would want to know why the person handing them out thought it was OK to evangelize to minors without the parent’s permission. I would tell that person that if I wanted my child to be religious I would teach them my own religion which may not be the same as theirs. I would point out all the secular things they may not want their child exposed to and ask them if they thought strangers should have the right to talk to their children about them without the parents permission or against the parents wishes. This again is religious people pushing their beliefs on those who do not share them. Hugs

  12. When we lived in TN many of the most religiously deranged avoided Halloween and the possibility of interacting with satanic rituals….. I assume it was just one more way to make their children miserable….the rest of us just drank brandy slushies while the kids circulated

    So if you get those in a halloween bag suspect the churchy bona fides of the giver!

    1. There are some killjoys in our neighborhood who give out little tubes of toothpaste. Now that’s mean. I think they are Catholics.

        1. I can’t imagine it’s anything but trolling. Nobody can possibly think that’s a good idea. Either they want to make children unhappy, or they’re the type of parents who, upon hearing that someone is taking kids trick-or-treating, say “are you sure you want to do that? You know, all that candy really isn’t good for your kids. And most candy has gluten. I’m just saying, if they were MY kids…”

        2. Too funny!! Our dentist gave out toothpaste and toothbrushes that were decorated with a halloween motif. I loved it.

    2. Brandy slushies? That sounds wonderful! Do you have a recipe you’d like to share? I live in Wisconsin, which, according to some statistics, consumes more brandy than the other 49 states combined – and not that fruit-flavored stuff, either.

    1. I think it would be an even more effective witness for the Lord if they’d worked in a picture of an aborted fetus somehow.

  15. Wikipedia article on Candy Corn under subheading of Cultural Myths has : A misconception in the American south, started by comedian Lewis Black in a standup sketch, is that a single batch of candy corn was made at the product’s inception and those stocks are the candy corn that remain in circulation today since there are such few consumers of the candy.

    Lewis Black today tweeted repeating this joke, putting the original manufacture date at 1911 but Wikipedia history says Candy corn has been known since 1880

        1. Forgot about ,the one i always remember is ,”We Have Recycled The Water So Many Times It Is Starting To Taste Like Dutch Lager “.

          1. London has the purest water of any British city. Every single drop has been through at least 6 sets of kidneys.

      1. I just now found the Lewis Black – Candy Corn sketch for the first time- on Youtube Jeff Adams channel. The way he tells it makes me laugh out loud. It is from “The Carnegie Hall performance”. Duma Jones Youtube channel has a very similar performance.

    3. Sounds like the “story” that some hapless Italian immigrant to wherever in the US ordered a single tin of anchovies from the old country and the place is still putting them on pizza.

  16. Shouldn’t the first letters of “he” and “his” on the Jesus Corn labels be capitalized?

    I’m holding out for Jesus Peeps at Easter.

  18. The organic makes it super healthy by it’s magically organicness.

    If this did not have a real impact on the natural world and people getting feed I would laugh at how stupid people are for falling for stuff like this.

    1. Organic? Ya mean it contains chemical compounds with chains of carbon atoms? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s correct.

      (Question – is there any inorganic compound which is actually edible? I can’t think of any.)

      cr

          1. Not the only rock (for some definition of rock). Chewable calcium carbonate (chalk) tablets are often used as an antacid.

          2. Beat me to it.
            – Kaolinite (“China Clay”) is a regular viscosity modifier in some processed foods, and of course bowel-stopper for the diarrhoea-afflicted. Harmless bulking agent.
            – If you use the low-sodium version of salt and have ever wondered “how the fsck?”, it’s done by mixing carnallite (KCl, rarely found as a rock, but not unknown) with the halite (NaCl) which does reduce the sodium-per-gramme, but the change in Na:K ratio is probably more important physiologically.
            – The fluoride in your tooth care products is probably industrial waste, not anything closely connected with rocks.
            – Probably many more examples.

          3. Yeah, I know, but they’re not really ‘food’.

            I worded that very badly. To re-phrase it – is there anything that people would regard as ‘food’ that isn’t almost entirely composed of ‘organic’ (carbon-containing) compounds. Excluding the water content, of course.

            cr

      2. Water, various salts: sodium and potassium chloride are common ones in foods, though some sodium or potassium iodide is also eaten (“iodized salt”). Small amounts of silicon dioxide are in some foods like sweeteners as a “dilution”.

          1. Oh yes, and things like sodium bicarb (baking soda) and common salt. And water, obviously. But they’re not really foods in themselves.

            cr

    2. I recently read an article about a manufacturer of a famous brand of refrigerated chocolate chip cookie dough that modified the recipe using “healthy” ingredients. They received letters telling them how awful the new cookies were. Be careful what you ask for.

  19. I will here hang my head in shame and confess: I don’t hate candy corn. I will eat it if there are no other sugary offerings, and I don’t even feel like vomiting.

    I will now retire to my dark corner.

  23. And when he had opened the seventh seal, I beheld a waxy candy of orange and yellow and white. And, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth, and the moon became as blood; and the stars of heaven fell unto the earth.

    The end times are upon us, my friends.

  26. Is this the right place to complain about red-vines as well? I just don’t understand the appeal of bland, waxy, sticky, vaguely sugary non-food treats. Granted, I’m not keen on candy in general, but some are more gross than others. *cough*HersheyKisses*cough*

    2. The hell is wrong with you?

      The only reason to go to the movies is so you can eat Red Vines during the show (and not those crappy Twizzlers knock-offs, either.)

    3. Over here in GB i remember as a kid there were Candy Cigarettes ,white sticks with red on the end ,tasted like soap .

      Just had a look on the interweb Amazon are selling them.

      1. Yes I’ve tasted them.

        I find it hard to imagine the forces of censoriousness permit them to be sold these days. Not only do they contain the dreaded sugar (probably) but teaching innocent little kiddiez that cigarettes are cool….?

        cr

  27. Until I read this bl*g I had never even heard of candy corn. Not *everything* one reads on WEIT is edifying.

    I do like chocolate raisins though.

    cr

    P.S. Do you USanians have Snickers bars? We do in NZ, but I also found them in Vladivostok, Amazar (middle of Siberia), Moscow, Berlin (a delicious ‘snickers’ icecream flavour, actually), France and Portugal.

    cr

    2. It’s entirely possible that what’s sold as Snickers in the US isn’t the same as in the rest of the world – consider Smarties, for instance.

          1. Annual sales $2 billion, introduced in 1930. Obviously a stayer.

            A Mars bar, by the way, is the same but without the peanuts.

            cr

  29. Clearly the candy corn lovers in your department have been waiting for your retirement to stage a coup.

  30. All you need to do to make something that is good bad and boring – or something that is bad even worse – is to put the word “Christian” in front of it. Christian rock, Christian movies, Christian fiction, Christian Hallowe’en candy…

    Substituting “family” for “Christian” is almost as bad.

    1. Reminds me of some of us children at church years ago reading every title in the hymnal adding the words, “between the sheets”. I’m surprised we didn’t laugh out loud, get found out and kicked out (or, at least, prayed over!)

  33. Just like the righteous to hand out candy corn, congratulating themselves on giving a treat. Pikers! But I think it’ll backfire on them. At least thinking back 55 or so years, I think I was pretty unimpressed with anyone handing that stuff out.

  34. To the person who put the Candy Corn and Candy Corn Jesus in the candy bowl I ask – You’ve done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?

  35. I’ve heard about candy corn for years, but I think this is the first time I’ve seen photographs. I think I have a problem with food looking like a traffic cone!

  36. Candy Corn; disappointing trick-or-treating children for over a century.

    We need more and stronger voices like Jerry’s or this thing will never go away.

  38. This is definitely a triggering article for me. Candy corn was the first treat I got from old Mrs. Van Atta who lived across the street from us the first time I ever went trick or treating when I was four years old. I’ve held it in high esteem ever since.

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