Cellphones in Heaven

April 2, 2016 • 12:03 pm

It’s 10:30 in India, and I’m cooling my heels in the Air India Business Lounge at Delhi’s Indira Gandhi airport, having consumed a large plate of non-veg (but Indian) food and a cold bottle of Kingfisher. Three hours to go, but I must beware of overnomming given the food on the 16-hour flight ahead.

My last post on Prophet Mboro of South Africa, who’s trying to dupe people into paying big bucks to see the cellphone photos he took on his reported Easter journey to Heaven, has inspired reader Pliny the in Between, and without much delay. Here’s the cartoonist’s latest, “Duh,” from Evolving Perspectives (click to enlarge):

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13 thoughts on “Cellphones in Heaven

  1. Smartphones in heaven would have infinite bandwidth and storage. Their batteries would last for eternity, and they’d have unlimited free texting.

    1. And the FBI would never be able to crack it. Or they’d do it instantly if it was FBI heaven. Wait, why do we need security in heaven. Forget it.

  2. That many people can take anyone seriously a man who actually inserts the name “prophet” in his name, is something of a moral crisis for humanity.

    Carl Kruse

  3. …because cellphones OBVIOUSLY wouldn’t work in heaven.

    Well, I don’t know, Jobs has been dead long enough and heaven does like its sheep. He’s probably already sued Newton for the logo (prior art be damned) and it’s a ripe location for cloud storage. I bet the gates of St. Peter is a prime selfie destination.

  4. According to the Bible, all relevant human knowledge was frozen around 1700 years ago, so unless you can divine a relevant passage about smartphones like “and yeah did it come to pass that the faithful did Sprint away to far Verizons”, then no smartphones in heaven.

    FYI if you are in the mood for a cinematic diversion try your hand at identifying the movies acted out using variations on those little “game of Life” peg people.

    http://pictoraltheology.blogspot.com/2016/03/the-return-of-pegman-theater.html

  5. It is certain that this con performance was Bull Shit long before any of us heard of phones, smart or stupid. If you get a call asking you to buy some pictures from heaven, be sure not to buy any.

  6. This would be in contravention of Hitchens’ Eighth Commandment: Thou shalt turn off that fucking cellphone.

    cr

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