This sad obituary for Manan, an eleven-year-old boy, was in this morning’s Hindustan Times:
A very good question: “God needs you more than we need you. But you must ask Him that when He has already many Manans here why has he taken you—only one Manan of Mahajan family?”
My son in law passed away 2 weeks ago from cancer leaving my daughter and his nearly 3 year old child behind. If I have to listen to one more person (Muslims in this case) tell me that God has a plan and Rashid dying at 28 leaving a wife who adored him and a child who will never know him behind is part of it, I will literally scream.
What purpose do these impossible to prove statements serve to the recently bereaved?
Yes. What you ask: yes.
What purpose, indeed ?
I am so sorry for your loss, Coolred38, and cannot myself, as well, abide any such of those types of statements coming back at me at times in my own life … … like this so painfully awful one of yours.
Blue
Sorry for your loss and having to hear such awful platitudes. If God exists, he is a sociopath.
My deepest sympathies to the Mahajan family and Coolred38. God has been very busy lately throughout the world, as usual, mean busterd that he is. My husband (not young, but dearly loved and missed)died of cancer in January. One of my two daughters almost died in the latter part of February due to a ruptured appendix with abdominal sepsis and some necrosis. My last surviving Aunt (almost 99, and like a second mother to me) died early in March. Since traumas like these supposedly come in threes (not for you, I hope),that should be all the “interesting times” I live through for now.
I’m sure that god-believers have no clue as to how much pain they cause when they tell us that our loved one has gone to a better place.
Not always threes. 1995 was a doozy at our house. That year I had two uncles and an aunt die (sibs of my dad), my sister, and my father-in-law all die. If there’s a “in threes” rule, I attribute this to the Almighty’s inability to do basic math.
My sister died in 1997. Aged 35. Losing a sibling is really bad (at least when they are under the age of 60).
But your 1995 tops anything else I’ve ever heard. Wow.
My friend lost his younger brother to the same cancer my dad had. It was really hard on my friend to lose his brother so when he found out I had cancer he freaked right out! I told him way later after I had been treated knowing he would freak out.
I’m so sorry for your loss Coolred38, and also for that of the Mahajan family.
The “God works in mysterious ways” answer, whatever version is takes, is a judgmental and disgustingly cruel one in my opinion. It implies that you are not allowed to grieve for the loss of the one you love.
It’s supposed to be comforting because it would be depressing to suggest someone had died for no good reason.
cr
Thank you, everyone. My condolences to others who have recently felt the loss of loved ones.
So sorry for your loss.
That’s sad and just a bit weird.
Perhaps they’d be more comfortable with a more primitive “tribal” religion.
Daniel Dennett:
http://www.faithstreet.com/onfaith/2010/01/19/problem-of-evil-and-religions-double-standard/2100
One of the striking differences between modern, “organized” religion and tribal or folk religions–religions without seminaries and theologians and official books–is that in tribal religions they have no double standard! They thank their gods for the good stuff that happens and blame them for the bad…
As did monotheistic religion early on, for example: “I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things” (Isaiah 45.7). Not too surprising, given that monotheism most certainly evolved out of earlier polytheism (the biblical stories about Israel’s mythical history in effect state that more or less explicitly).
You should just hear fundamentalists gyrate, writhe, twitch, and dance around trying to explain (away) those verses!
For me, I’m with Randy Schenck at #5 below, “Really just one more reason not to believe. Saves a lot of questions with no answers.”
Or, as I read somewhere recently (SMBC, maybe?): “God, answer my prayers in a way that is indistinguishable from random chance.”
Sounds pagan too. Apollo was both healer and plague-bringer.
Oh and glad to see you here, Mark. I was just wondering where you were and poof, you appeared. Must’ve been Jesus.
Hi Diana:
I’m here, and read the web site, but just don’t have time to post. One more murderous year of work, and then I retire!! And now I’m proofreading my non-native-English-speaking friend’s Ph. D. thesis on space physics. Ugh.
Isn’t the usual line, “speak of the devil…”? Or, were making some subtle theological equivocation? 😉
Oh the devil would be more welcome. He reminds me of how I get in trouble by speaking up. 🙂
Blaming gods is quite common in most branches of Hinduism.
Very sad. And amazing, coming from India.
Really just one more reason not to believe. Saves a lot of questions with no answers.
After I lost my parents in close succession (not tragic to the outside world, they were old and I am not a child, it was tragic to me), the platitudes made me want to scream. Shortly after that, the theist cloud lifted from me and the platitudes now seem even more hollow. I now have pretty well nothing of comfort to say when someone suffers a loss. The loss is always there and in some ways time just makes you feel it all more keenly.
I feel the pain for these people, I just don’t know what to say.
sub
I share your dilemma. I usually end up just expressing sympathy for them (the bereaved) and saying “If there’s anything I can do…” (answer is usually no).
cr
Pretty much the same, here. I was annoyed when receiving prayers, etc., when my kid sister died and again when my parents did. There is little that can be said that is helpful beyond letting the bereaved know that they aren’t alone. Platitudes seem cheap substitutes for compassion.
Often platitudes are just a way for the platitude giver to feel good about themselves and look good public ally because they involve essentially doing nothing substantial for the person suffering.
I was ready to throttle relatives who claimed to pray for me when I had cancer but really didn’t give a crap and did nothing about it.
If I am unfortunate enough to get cancer, I *will* be throttling such idiots. And getting some interesting tattoos when I shave my head.
We are working on our “end of life stuff” right now (wills, power of attorney, advance directive).
One of the form questions on end of life (advanced directive) is some things you can check mark as specifically unwanted.
One of them was “I do not want procedures or medicine that are administered to make my family or the doctors and nurses feel better.”
I checked that box! Don’t give me care that’s for others’ benefit instead of mine!
well, if this is the Christian god, that one is a greedy SOB considering what it demands in the bibbly.