I am back in Atlanta after a grueling couple of flights from Stockholm, which wound up with me getting the MIDDLE seat on a two-hour United flight from Newark to Atlanta. I hadn’t realized how small the seats have become, especially in the middle where you can’t stretch out much; and on top of that I was seated next to a Person of Considerable Girth whose excess avoirdupois kept insinuating itself over the armrest, the blubbery exudate pressing up against my side. People need to learn ARMREST etiquette!
Oh, and the TSA security lines from Newark are a vision of Hell.
But I am here at last, and plan to sample some of the southern delicacies of this town. Meanwhile in Dobrzyn, it grows colder, and they’ve even had a few flakes of snow. Now that I’m gone, Hili is using Cyrus as a large hot water bottle.
Cyrus: It gets colder and colder outside.
Hili: Time for winter furs.
Cyrus: Na dworze robi się coraz chłodniej.
Hili: Pora na zimowe futra.
They do indeed need to learn armrest etiquette, but the seats are so small that even not very large people struggle to allocate space equitably.
Two hours is a pretty short flight though, crossing the Pacific in economy is HELL. Go Premium Economy if you possibly can.
Sometimes good people, who don’t deserve a special place in hell, find one anyway in the middle seat of a modern airline.
The middle seat is more hell for people around me than me, I think, because of my need to pee.
I once got stuck next to a guy who was drinking constantly. I felt nauseated and the smell of the booze almost made me hurl.
On the train for JFK I sat next to a person from one of those cultures who consume unconscionable amounts of garlic. I gagged and was forced to move to another seat. It occurred to me that if the situation arose on board the plane, I’d be stuck, with only the hurl bag for comfort.
Too much garlic? That’s an oxymoron!
Keep you distance then. 😎
As someone nearly 2m tall and a large number of kilos in mass, there’s not much I can do about impinging on the next door passengers. I do my best; and I pay attention to what they are trying to do.
Being very tall, usually the other person gets the rear part of the armrest and I get the front edge (if I use it at all). Our arms go over-and-under, usually.
I take a back seat to very few with regard to air travel discomfort. (Once in a while I see a guy who is 6′-7″ or more and I feel their pain.)
I remember once when a friend went on and on (and on) about how terrible is was flying economy. I said, “Oh yes? Please tell me about it!” She is 5′-2″ (157 cm).
Nothing like the feel of blubbery exudate in the morning!
Much better to think of Hili & Cyrus. What a beautiful friendship!
Jerry, I’ve spent the last 40 years in Aviation Security and as such, I’m the author of some of your woes, but tell me; if you compare European AVSEC to American, which is the better experience? T.
European, by far. They don’t make you take your shoes off, they tend to be polite rather than bossy, and they don’t GROPE YOU all the time!
I’ve never had a really bad experience with European security (although Colombia is a different matter!)
I’ve also had better experiences in Europe, but they are just as unable as American ones to explain the reasons for the nonsensical rules, and just as unwilling to admit that they’re nonsensical.
I do remember once seeing a European airport security guy having a laugh at an American’s expense. “Open your bag.” He compiled. “Okay, take off your shoes.” He complied. “Okay, take off your pants.” He started unbuckling his belt. “Haha, I’m just kidding. You Americans’ll do anything…” 😛
“Blubbery exudate” is great!
I remember a decade or two ago there was talk about how airlines were planning to up-size seating due to growing obesity. From the looks of things I think they reconsidered that strategy and decided blubbery exudate would just have to flow. It’s all about the ‘bottom’ line.
Grooooan!
😀
If only you’d had some religious conviction to insist upon being moved to another seat.
😀
“and on top of that I was seated next to a Person of Considerable Girth whose excess avoirdupois kept insinuating itself over the armrest, the blubbery exudate pressing up against my side. People need to learn ARMREST etiquette!”
And this is why we should all make the effort to eat and drink ABSTEMIOUSLY!!
What about avoirdupois?!! Another great term I have never seen before, but can’t wait to use!!
In some South Pacific cultures (e.g. Samoa, Tonga), being a Person Of Considerable Girth is a positive thing, so there are airlines that charge fares based on customer weight. I.e. the more you weigh, the more you pay.
That doesn’t sound like a very positive thing to me…
I think it’s a bit rough myself, but a lot of people see it as a good thing. The reasoning is they know in their heads that heating more healthily is a good thing, but cultural conditioning is preventing it from happening, and a lot of Tongans and Samoans think this might be a way to make it happen. A form of tax, not that much different to a sugar tax.
Fat tax, got it.
But if you eat and drink less you pay less for food and drink which = less airfare!! I think someone is onto something!!
We had to be weighed for inter-island flights in the Caribbean. Fatness was not charged, but if they ran out of capacity on the plane you would have to sit tight for the next one.
I once wanted to ask a rather hefty lady her wait before allowing her a seat on my single engine Cessna. It was a little embarrassing so I opted for asking her significant other to determine how much their combined weight was. Fortunately we were under the limit and the flight proceed. Takeoff was a little sluggish near maximum weight.
That was a diplomatic way of asking! Good thinking. 🙂
I think they already weighed people on some inter-island flights around the Pacific, and they were having to take off with empty seats so often because of the high number of heavy people, they decided to start charging.
In our case they seemed to like full seats, but would keep back enough luggage to meet requirements. The luggage would be delivered on the next flight, if there was room.
We all know what the answer is: Bigger engines.
It has always struck me as anomalous that airlines charge for baggage that exceeds a (fairly low) nominal amount, when the variation in passenger weight is much greater than the nominal baggage allowance. It would be fairer to give lighter passengers a correspondingly larger baggage allowance In other words weigh the passenger and baggage together, and set the total against an overall allowance.
Welcome back!
1) agree on armrest etiquette!
2) sampling southern delicacies sounds like it could be a euphemism
3) Hili’s weight pattern is inverted from mine. I’m now rapidly losing my summer blubber.
Welcome to Atlanta! I would show you my herds of yellow aphids but I fear it is a week or two too late as the last of the butterfly weed has died.
Make sure to stop by Stone Mountain if you can and marvel how in 2015 slave owners are still held in high esteem.
Well, I have to note that Stone Mountain was sold to the government on the condition that it remain in perpetuity a monument to the confederacy, and that condition is written into the law establishing the Stone Mountain site.
That said, they are considering placing a monument to MLK at the crown of Stone Mountain anyway.
And to think that US airlines are planning – or so I read about a year ago – to make the seats even smaller so they can add another seat or two to each row or a couple more rows to the plane. They’re pushing to find the absolute limit of our discomfort!
Anyway, what is armrest etiquette? I’ve always wondered that. Since armrests can’t be shared, and there’s only one armrest between a pair of seats for two arms, what do you do? Does the first person to sit get the armrest? Do you take turns? Do you try to scoot your arm to the very edge of the armrest so they can maybe share it?
It can’t be too cold yet in Poland…the hot water bottles are only touching paws….
b&