This is from reader Guy, who sent this about a religious billboard that went wrong in several ways:
I took this a while back on U.S. Interstate 55 near Marion, Arkansas. Let it be a reminder to think through your choice of url thoroughly.
A salacious Jesus billboard
July 24, 2015 • 11:30 am
“Surely I come quickly, Amen!”
“Even so,COME, Lord Jesus!”
Revelations 22:20
That is quite revelatory.
“Surely, I come quickly.”
Perhaps the reason he died single? Just so selfish…
When staying in hotels/motels, I cannot resist bookmarking the Gideon bibles to the last page, writing in something like: “I love it when you talk dirty to me… just stop calling me Shirley.”
Wow, he really does love everyone.
He certainly tries to, anyway.
Jesus is a player.
It is nice that it’s not gender specific. Go Jebus!
Jesus is pansexual. That idea ought to make xian heads explode.
And cross-generational/incestuous: the Father , Son and Cornholy Ghost.
I think this diagram may be of help….
b&
Only if they come from Tennessee… 😉
cr
Shouldn’t that be, “omnisexual”? To match up with his omniimpotence?
b&
lol ad infintium
You don’t have to be some sort of religious weirdo to be omnisexual, just some sort of other weirdo. I had a friend who said once she wanted to fuck the universe. I suppose that’s “all taken collectively”, not each individual thing. (Cf. the two meanings of pantheism.)
This reminds me of a church sign I saw in high school: “On December 25th God gave us a present wrapped in flesh.” So I guess that isn’t the only time god gives people a present wrapped in flesh.
ew. that’s why they don’t hire serial killers to do the gift wrapping at the mall
And this is flesh wrapped as a present.
(probably nsfw)
If there were some offal in the deal (I’m thinking of offal because I’ve got haggis cooking!), or “lights” as we sometimes call them on this side of the pond, then I’d have to try to make up some disturbing imagery involving fleshlights.
The fabled oral skills of ‘that guy’. (Which seems to be referred to as the “oratorical skills”.)
So, this is what it means to have a ‘personal relationship with Jesus Christ’? Personal indeed.
Reminds me of a billboard that I saw in Georgia earlier this year. There was a billboard with a message that jesus was the only way to salvation. Attached beneath was another billboard advertising a strip club, truckers welcome! Yee! Haw!
I’m not even remotely into that sort of thing…but I’d think that, even for those who are, it’d be a devastating experience.
b&
The “church of the perpetual erection”. It’s a catchy name.
Yes, but be sure to contact your doctor right away if your eternal reward lasts more than four hours.
b&
Sounds like a permanent building site to me.
I’ll have to remember that. There is potentially a horrible joke hiding in there.
And, I’m sure some probing would reveal the deep cavity the horrible joke is hiding in — such is always the thrust of the issue.
b&
I wondered how long it would take before someone got round to that one…
cr
And notice his complexion
It’s also worth noting that highly eroticized imagery of Jesus is the norm within Christianity. Nuns are brides of Christ. There’s no end of passionate love songs addressed to Jesus sung by Men, and “I’m not afraid to say I love Jesus” is a common theme amongst evangelical men.
Not just Jesus, too, of course. Mary is often painted as a giant vagina. It can be quite entertaining to walk into a Catholic cathedral and see a twenty-foot-tall nearly-naked Jesus nailed to a phallic symbol at one end of the chapel, staring straight at a fifty-foot tall glowing stained glass vagina representing his virginal mother-concubine at the other end.
b&
And that exaggeration of equipment started long before the Internet made it popular.
The homo-erotic element is especially evident in Catholicism.
I read ‘Trinity’ by Leon Uris. A long time ago.
It was an amazing insight into the Irish situation.
I mention it because I remember one part where he describes perfectly the mingling of religious fantasy and intense sexual fantasy.
And now that I think about it was a comment (broadly speaking) very similar to Sam Harris misuse of ecstasy notion.
This is interesting, I am having a cascade of thought on the matter.
Reblogged this on dyke writer and commented:
“Jesus was a capricorn, he ate organic foods
he believed in peace and love n never wore no shoes”
Kris Kristofferson – but really, Republic Jesus would not approve of that hippie Jesus….. Goys Facepalm
Jesus loves me, this I know,
one fresh condom for each go.
Startled the hell out of my proctologist…
Google Street View
Would it be wrong to inform everyone that they do take prayer requests?
The quote they post on that page is Do not be anxious about anything
Srsly, they have to be doing this on purpose.
I can guarantee that they are serious, and that all humor is unintentional.
If I had time and ambition, I’d go around making a book of such images; they really aren’t that uncommon.
It puts ‘Jesus come into my heart” into quite a new light….
Then there’s the fact that U-Turn is slang for going down in bed.
Love the Nordic Jesus. Wonder if he was Swedish, Norwegian or Danish.
Yep.
I went to the isheinyou.com website. It says Billboard Ministries was led by God to create Billboard Ministries. Unfortunately, God didn’t lead them to learn much about design, typography, or website development.
Or the universe of inferences human primates are capable of making.
Or speling. Its horible their.
Who needs all that stuff when yo’ got Jeebus?
I was creating content for an ecommerce website once and when creating the link for information on returning an item, I accidentally created the URL: returnsexchanges.
Oops, it also got published, but luckily a customer pointed it out and I quickly added an ‘and’ between the two words.
You’re not the only one.
I find it unbelievably hilarious that I’m advised to return my sex change in Hampton Roads.
A good warranty on products can be so hard to find these days! Good to know some people still take pride in their work and offer one. 🙂
If you hang out on web design forums for a bit you’re bound to run across quite a few such examples. Off the top of my head, there was the purveyor of fine writing implements at Pen Island, and the technical discussion forum over at the Experts’ Exchange.
I took a look at their website with the faint notion of posting a rude comment there, but was repulsed by their religious straitjacket. They seem to be confined to Alabama, though.
Funny thing – I attended a performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream at a local Shakespeare in the park program and met some guys from Alabama who were making a tour of the upper midwest doing a rather interesting documentary. They defied southern stereotypes and told me that they were often embarrassed by their fellow statists, but that they also exploited the stereotype when they felt they could take advantage of it. Their stories were as entertaining as the play. Anyone who is interested can look in on their documentary at http://wwwthriftstoresymphony.com/
Oops – forgot the {/i}
And the period after “www”.
Well, if WordPress would allow posters to edit their comments things like that wouldn’t be a problem.
Yeah, the URL works much better if you insert the full stop (‘period’ in USian).
cr
Is there such punctuation as a “partial stop” or perhaps a “rolling stop” in Englishian English? (Facetiously worded, but a genuine question that just occurred to me.)
Not as such. Commas, semicolons, dashes would function as such. Or dots: …
cr
And of course, ‘partial stop’ or ‘rolling stop’ is, strictly speaking, an oxymoron.
cr
They are masters of the double entendre (or perhaps triple entendre, in this case).
There’s an outside chance they’re a Poe ministry, though I doubt it.
That’s a nice looking Jesus.
Why don’t all the good Christians look like that.
They mostly seem to like short hair and suits and ties.
That which one needs to be wary off.
Care in one’s wordfare, as of this example, has inspired me to get going on the redux of the ones of the melodies to be performed at my scavenger – hunting, old haunts’ – visiting memorial service.
I quite like the scores of so, so many songs including a few which are currently being used by some religions as their hymns; and, as well, friends are encouraging me to get on to the task of rewording these paeans so that their lyrics ‘ll finally fully jive with who, when still deep breathing, I actually was.
As an example, I am fond of Mr Alan Jackson’s, strains of “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?” However, a major hook of it is its untrue – for – me refrain, “ … … I know Jesus and I talk to God, and I remember this from when I was young: faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us. And the greatest is love” …
… which I have just this mighty fine afternoon redone in to, “ … … but I know Science and I talk to Coyne and I remember this from when I was young: cats, snakes and boys are some good things I’ve known of. And the greatest is ____ !”
Cats, of course, not ?
Blue
ps “Dr Coyne” did not seem to flow; I tried it out. I apologize, therefore, for not substituting your appropriate, full nomenclature in its rhythm, Dr Coyne. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpZJD6deEGc
There was a young man from Kent
Whose organ was terribly bent
To save himself trouble
He stuffed it in double
And instead of coming he went
Sorry ’bout that, determinism made me do it
cr
Nice one. Coincidentally, I’ve got a strange and very creepy Jesus on an advert at a bus stop near where I live. I thought it was funny, anyway. I ended up looking up this thing and it’s a campaign to try to regain youth attendance at mass. Think it’ll work?
http://www.geckzilla.com/stuff/creepy_jesus_bus_stop.jpg
I can’t see the Jesus. Did you get the link right?
(I can’t understand the point of the one illustrated either…)
cr
Ooops, oh I see, out of focus and stalking in the background. Yup, creepy.
Whoops, didn’t see this comment in the notification log and can’t delete other.
Don’t worry, I’m always doing that, and so is everyone else.
Also, dratted WP sorts posts in its own idiosyncratic order so it’s not always apparent who said what, when, to who. And no, it doesn’t have an Edit function.
cr
Hahaha, that’s why he’s so creepy. Look in the phone.
I noticed that the local Mormons have taken to slipping business cards with their mobile and web-contact addresses into the timetables at the bus stop.
You know, I’m almost tempted to start putting out some more adverts pointing at the same phone number, but more … intimate … offers of services. Well-educated services, of course.
But they might actually enjoy it.