Kittens’ hearts, at birth, are filled with what theologians call “original mischief.” Mischief, if left to grow on its own, can sprout into evil. That’s why you must fill their hearts with Jesus instead. If you wait, your cats might find seductive role models among the back-alley strays and rough felines from the wrong side of town. You could also end up with an unwanted pregnancy.
That’s why it’s so very, very important to tell your cats about the life, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus as early as possible. The Nicene Creed is a good place to start: Recite it to them when they are about 10 weeks old.
Remember: If you give a cat a fish, it eats for a day. If you teach a cat to fish, it eats for a lifetime. Perhaps that’s not such a good proverb to use in this case, since fishing is actually instinctual in cats. But Jesus is not. Your kitties need to know early on that there is a fisher of men and cats alike who can save their souls.
. . . And don’t get your cats vaccinated, either. The Lord will provide protection from feline leukemia.
If you have a spare hour this lazy Saturday, you might watch this lovely BBC Horizon documentary, “The secret life of the cat,” brought to my attention by alert reader Jesper. Here are the BBC notes:
First broadcast: 13 June 2013.
Horizon discovers what your cat really gets up to when it leaves the cat flap.
In a groundbreaking experiment, 50 cats from a village in Surrey are tagged with GPS collars and their every movement is recorded, day and night, as they hunt in our backyards and patrol the garden fences and hedgerows. Cats are fitted with specially developed cat-cams which reveal their unique view of our world. You may think you understand your pet, but their secret life is more surprising than we thought.
Warning: Matthew thinks this is too long and has only about 15 minutes of solid information.
Hilarious…! The Lord will provide protection from feline leukemia!!
I think the first video is sadly reversed in the last 10 seconds… No d*g in this kitteh I suspect.
Whoops! Because it’s not real video, I’ve eliminated it. Thanks.
Hi Jerry
When I click the link to The Onion, I get a U of Chicago Xmail login page.
Please to fix? 🙂
Same here. 🙂
It should be fixed now. Thanks for the heads-up.
“Warning: Matthew thinks this is too long and has only about 15 minutes of solid information.”
I agree. But that’s more than the average science show on TV.
Well, yes, but it’s also mainstream entertainment, not primarily a hardcore science-fest/the Open University! If one thinks that the program has only 15 minutes of content then they’re missing the point somewhat.
And it’s cats.