The attack of the killer sqrlz!

August 20, 2013 • 12:12 pm

How can they do this to cute little squirrels—four of which I’m feeding and nurturing at this moment? Well, the venality of Hollywood knows no bounds—without a moment’s pause they’ll turn these adorable little rodents into rapacious killers.

From Bleeding Cool, we have a notice that director Timur Bekmambetov, who produced such classics as “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter,” has a movie in the works called “Squirrels,” with a screenplay written by Daniel Antoniazzi and Ben Shiffrin based on an idea by Bekmambetov. The movie doesn’t seem to have been actually made yet, but there’s a trailer, and I can’t see obvious clues that it’s a joke.

Here’s the officlal blurb:

When a young man’s estranged father is killed under suspicious circumstances, he returns home for the first time in years to get to the bottom of the mystery. Hoping to uncover some logical explanation, he instead finds his mom’s sleazy new boyfriend, a natural gas company buying up the town, an angry female sheriff who happens to be his ex-girlfriend, and an army of flesh-eating squirrels hellbent on destroying everything in their path due to an erosion of their food chain as a result of environmental destruction by the gas company.

Flesh-eating squirrels!!!!!!  Well, see for yourself.

WARNING: the video is a tad gory, although it’s likely to disturb squirrel lovers more than the gore-averse.

And here is the trailer for the Lincoln/Vampire movie by the same director, as well as an advertisement.

Picture 2

I’m flabbergasted!

46 thoughts on “The attack of the killer sqrlz!”

    1. Actually, it was good. Depends what you expect out of a movie, I guess. I expect about the same as I’d get from a comic book – a hero’s journey, good battling evil, villains who are villainous for the sake of giving the hero something to do.

      I guess if you expect something akin to great literature when you go to the movies, then you’re bound to be disappointed; but then, why on Earth did you walk into Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?

      1. but then, why on Earth did you walk into Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?

        My wife wanted to see it and I’m a cooperative husband. Life is better that way.

        I had low expectations, so I wasn’t disappointed.

        1. My wife wanted…

          I’ve been to church just a few times in last four decades and it was for the same reason. 😃

  3. Ha ha I knew someone when I was in university who, unfamiliar with squirrels, saw one on a trail and whispered, “are they carnivorous?” I wasn’t there at the time (our mutual friend relayed the story) but I wish I were because I would’ve had fun and told her to RUUUUUUUNNNN!

  4. It’s all true of course. Squirrels enjoy a bit of meat as much as the next omnivore. And once that Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog had achieved a certain amount of fame for his bloody carnage, this was bound to happen.

      1. Perhaps you’re thinking of wasps? I used to have wasps eat the insect roadkill off my grill when I lived in Fresno.

        AFAIK, bees are not omnivores. On this site, I’m sure I’ll bee corrected if I’m wrong.

        1. Yes I thought bees were sugar eaters while wasps eat all kinds of things probably depending on the wasp. If we’re lucky someone will buzz in and we’ll bee corrected or supported beecause then we’ll bee sure to know.

          😀

          3. Yes yellow jackets are likely – they look like bees at first since they have the same colouring.

          4. Yeah, you’re probably right. Come to think of it, I have seen yellow jackets, like those in your video, eating flesh off a dead vole.
            Thanks very much.

      2. Thanks, everyone. Sorry, I didn’t have the time to go fetch my specs and take a close look. 🙂

        Could be yellow jackets, or as one site suggested, maybe syrphid flies:
        http://www.flickr.com/photos/28480852@N04/3645031792/

        All I know is that the stray cat avoided the dish of food when they were about (in fact, he looked right pissed off!). I was wondering too if even bees might venture to get some of the liquid off the plate on these hot, dry days. If I see them again, I’ll take a photo.

    2. Ahhh. I used to have a proof that all rabbits were 100% efficient killers, which went thus: “Have you ever heard of anyone who was attacked by a rabbit and survived to tell about it? No? There you are then. QED.”

      Obviously Monty Python stole my idea…

  5. Gory?? Gory is what our cat does to red squirrels. She leaves nothing but the head, tail, an occasional limb and *always* the liver. At least I think its the liver (bean-shaped, about the size of a fingerprint).

    It has actually been quite a while since her last feast: we’ve managed to curtail her hunting by switching to a yummier food and increased playtime.

  7. Let me suggest a film in which directors, producers and actors build movie theaters in which audiences are ground into d-g food.

  9. Some years ago, I watched a movie on TV about giant killer rabbits. It had a single word title, beginning with L which referred to rabblits, but I cannot recall it.

        1. That French title sounds much more ominous because it suggests all the rodents have teamed up.

  10. I used my Google memory, It was Lepus, filmed in 1974.

    A friend does an absolutely hillarious imitation of a squirrel trying to cross a road in traffic. He does the squirrel moves perfectly, and gives a running commentary on what and why the squirrel is thinking.

  14. Of course some squirrels are flesh-eating! It is well known that the “cute” Red Squirrel of North America is a voracious predator of birds’ nests, eating both eggs and chicks.

  15. Fav Review of the Lincoln … Vampire Hunter:

    “worst thing to happen to Abe Lincoln in a theater”

  16. Vampire fiction took a really bad turn for the worse with the coming of the “Twilight” series. Vampires can be terrific metaphors for parasitic relationships (Dracula), alienated outsiders (Anne Rice), or teenage anxieties (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), but can also be vehicles for ridiculous shlock.

    There were real possibilities in the idea of the Lincoln movie, none of which came to fruition.

  17. There’s a sub-genre of the natural horror sub-genre (yes, it’s a sub-sub-genre) known as “revenge of nature”, in which humans are punished for their transgressions (atomic testing, ecological destruction, just ‘cuz, etc.). This movie sounds like it nicely fits into this category.

  18. Squirrels are evil. Varmints good for feeding higher life forms (e.g., snakes, cats) and naught else. You may defend them now, but sooner or later… they will come for you, too.

    Only cute predators can save you.

  19. That isn’t just nuts. (Sqrlz being omnivorous and all.)

    But it sure is chasing its concept up a tree.

  20. A couple of years ago I was foolishly feeding squirrels in a London cemetry when one bit my finger & boy – it was painful! For some reason though I continued to do it, & later THE SAME WEEK was bitten again! Drew blood!

  22. Squirrels do resort to eating flesh if their usual food sources are disrupted. Aside from the usual birds, I’ve even read a stories about groups of squirrels occasionally descending upon, killing, and eating dogs. (Here’s an example: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4489792.stm)

    But I bet they don’t try that with cats. 😉

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