62 thoughts on “The Satanic British

  1. Did you notice Mike Brown’s handle (@plutokiller)? Looks like he’s got it in for d*gs too.

    (Google “Pluto the Pup”.)

        1. It is, along with a whole bunch of other objects, most of which we aren’t yet aware. Even with the idiotic IAU definition (which is entirely unbinding, as that organization has authority only to name objects, not classify them), Pluto is a dwarf planet.

  2. Cats eye removal is a very common practise in Britain during the summer months. The best place to go to have your cats eyes removed, is the village of Loose Chippings, which is also the commonest place-name in the UK. Dress and punctuation optional.

    Not a lot of people know that.

      1. I would recommend a little place down in the West Country between Crediton and Debiton called Verging-on-the-Absurd.

    1. It’s pretty common in Scotland in the winter too. I spent several years vaguely wondering why there were few cats eyes in the Scottish Highlands, until I was walking back from a cave in Yorkshire (where the winters are relatively clement) and was overtaken by a snow plough scraping the road … and it pinged a cat’s eye out of the road surface. Fortunately away from our direction, since the holder is about 3kg of cast iron.

      1. The second one works. Traffic goes faster (within a certain density range) when there is only one lane – a sort of huge scale Bernoulli effect.


      This message has been sent from my Blackberry!

    3. I apologize for that. I’ve explained the situation to my cat Butter (Anonypuss), and restricted his Blackberry privileges. It won’t happen again.

    1. That ad is INCREDIBLE. Brilliant! That cat moves exactly like a dog. I *think* they’ve somehow grafted a cat over images of a dog in motion, but if so it’s the slickest CGI I’ve ever seen.

  3. I find it a bit odd that this should be counted as a hazard. We have a road sign here, “No road markings” which seems a bit superfluous to me – surely drivers can see for themselves there are no road markings, if they can’t a sign isn’t going to help much…

    1. Yes, I’ve puzzled over that one as well. I suppose the logic is “drive as if there were road markings – don’t think you’ve suddenly got the whole width of the road for yourself”.

    2. In Ireland they have MAJOR ROAD WORKS AHEAD. He’s all over the country, but I’ve never seen him in person, the Major.

          1. One that always baffles me is the ‘bend’ sign with ‘Next 10 km’ under it (usually after you’ve had a dozen bends already). Like, what are we supposed to do about it? (That’s a serious question, by the way – I really can’t imagine what one should do. Other than negotiate them all in the usual way, of course).

    1. I saw this article at another blog. My question is this: Who has ever heard of cats acting cooperatively, i.e., in concert? Does anyone have any other examples?

      1. They don’t have to be cooperating, they just might be six starving cats all having the same idea.
        I picked up a skinny stray once. She was as gentle as could be until I started to open a can of salmon to feed her. As soon as the smell hit her, she jumped up and lacerated my arm as though she was fighting it to get to the fish.

        1. When a “glaring of cats” is spookier than the name!

          I think they were just all rabid and got set off. I feel bad for the poor rabid cats.

  4. It’s not our fault. We get such a demand from American tourists who bring their cats to the UK. We do anything for a buck.

  5. Is that an advertisement for a cat’s eye removal service? I’ll keep a note for the next time I need some cat’s eyes removed.

  6. So does anyone know anyone who lives at the Einbahnstraße in the pittoresque German place of Ausfahrt?

  7. I knew I must be missing a joke when none of the commenters here were horrified by this sign. I admit I had to google the reference. I’d never heard of these devices referred to as “cat’s eyes.” You learn something new everyday.

    1. For the rest of us who’re wondering what the hell the reference is…in the States, we generally use Bott’s Dots instead of cat’s eyes.


      1. Technically there is a difference. I didn’t know this, but I looked it up because the name “cat’s eye” doesn’t make sense for Bott’s Dots, which are round and not reflective.

        Many American highways use both Bott’s Dots and reflectors interspersed between traffic lanes. The dots make a rumbling sound when you drive over them, warning you if you are drifting out of the lane while you nod off, or tune the radio, or reach into the back seat for another beer. Even the most unsafe drivers can keep the car heading in the right direction “by ear”.

        The reflectors are a visual cue, especially at night. And this seems to be what are called “Cat’s Eyes” in the UK. Apparently some of them are solar powered LEDs and don’t depend on reflecting car headlights.

        Totally useless unless you actually have your eyes open and are looking out the windshield at the road ahead. 😉

        1. I could be wrong, but my understanding is that the principle difference between Percy Shaw’s cats’ eyes and Dr Bott’s dots is that Bott’s dots are rigid and remain proud of the road surface when run over, hence the rumbling effect, whereas cat’s eyes are encased in a flexible rubber dome, which tends to collect rainwater. The dome forced down into the metal housing when run over, but in so doing, the reflecting lenses are cleaned by a fixed rubber wiper and the small reservoir of water.

          1. Bott’s Dots aren’t reflective. They were designed for the rumble only. Since this design goal requires they are raised from the roadbed, while some reflectors are sunken, they can’t be used in areas where snow removal is needed.


    2. Me too. I don’t have a sophisticated enough vocabulary because I just refer to them as “those reflector things in the road”.

      1. Well, they could have just wrote that. “those reflector things in the road” is much better. Instead of getting people upset and possibly causing an epidemic of copycats.

      2. I too had to look the term up, but I’m still confused. Why is this a service that needs to be advertised to the general public? Do British pranksters have a habit of gluing road reflectors to private property? Or do property owners commonly glue them to their driveways and later regret it?

        1. When I saw it, I thought it was indicating that the road was under construction to perform this maintenance.

          1. Why remove them? Perhaps temporarily in preperation for resurfacing the road. But one would assume they are going to put them back because they are a safety feature.

            Except, in 1999 a woman was killed because a van dislodged a cat’s eye and it flew through her windshield (windscreen actually ;)) and killed her.

            So maybe there is a safety crusade to remove old cat’s eyes. But the former possibility seems most likely.

          2. I was thinking maybe they were busted or old? I dunno, I’m not versed in the ways of the road maintenance. 🙂

  8. Reminds me of my father’s chestnut:

    Why do they use cats eyes and not cats assholes?

    Because then they’d have to kill twice as many cats.

  9. But seriously, cat’s eyes are a ceiling-cat-send on a dark night. There are useful red and green ones on motorways marking the exits. I suppose those are still called cat’s eyes.

        1. Werewolves! How could the Weekly World News oops the Daily Fail possibly have not thought of that?

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *