47 thoughts on “Happy cruciversary!”

  1. Well, Gary Larson may not be working anymore, but we do have Jesus and Mo to comfort us!

    2. When you work out the bible references to the time Jesus died, it comes out to 3:00, which is when good friday services are traditionally held (at least in the baptist church I used to attend). It’s a standard part of the mythology.

        2. Indeed. That was news to me too. Totally useless knowledge, but it’ll get filed somewhere.
          I’m trying to work out what “TGIF” means. “Thank Ghod It’s Friday”? Which never really made much sense to me, because I’ve always worked in a 24x7x365 industry.

      2. It is also a standard part of The Simpsons, if I am not much mistaken: the clock always shows 3:00 in the chalkboard intro.

      3. So 3:00; apparently christians haven’t figured out what the implications of a spherical planet are yet. Do they seal the cracker boxes precisely at 3:00 so their christ can get some dead air?

    3. I didn’t get it either – I didn’t know about Jesus supposedly dying at 3:00, and I did know that the chalkboard bit of The Simpsons always says 3:00.

  3. I delivered my cruciversary jokes to a few students hanging around after my freshman chemistry lecture yesterday. One asked, “Are you going to be here tomorrow?” (The public university where I work has a “reading day” that coincidentally falls on cruciversary every year.) My reply, “Yeah, I’ll be here. We all have our crosses to bear.” To the groans that ensued, I added, “…too soon?”

  4. Is it sad that I really would like to share the Jesus-Mo cartoon but don’t want to offend any of my Jesus friends?

    1. Too late for me. I shared it and they were offended. Can’t people take a joke???

      2. I see it so often, I think maybe the writing world has decided they are. But it’s no different, to my understanding, than my name — Sam’s second coming. Jesus’s second coming. Not Jesus’. Not Chris’. Chris’s.

        When you don’t need the S after the apostrophe is when it’s a plural — two weeks’ time, for instance.

        1. This is one of those cases where reasonable people may differ.

          The rule I learned (admittedly many years ago) is that if the terminal s is pronounced as z, then you omit the s after the apostrophe (because there’s already a z sound there, and you don’t need another one).

          Thus: Jesus’s or Chris’s
          But: Charles’ or James’

          Your mileage may vary, but that’s how I was taught.

        2. Agree with you, and it’s a common irritant for me, as the daughter of a Niels and the mother of a Niels.

  6. All the trouble, thought, and good intentions Mo put into the cruciversary cake and all Jesus can think of is Itself, now I understand where christians get their grumpy, sad demeanor from. He, as His father self, planned the whole episode for Christ’s sake!

    1. He, as His father self, planned the whole episode for Christ’s sake!

      I may be skating on theologically thin ice here … but didn’t he plan the whole episode for himself, for “all our” sakes, to allow us to recover from the sin that we inflicted on ourselves using his creation and his free will.
      Yeah, no wonder Jesus wants to pull the covers over his head and just forget the day. Or piss off to the Cock’n’Bull for a Cruciversary sesh.

      1. Yes, but I was considering the point before It created us and before It split into three-in-one. As the plans of the christian’s gods are executed the Christ gets the everlasting worship of all the mini-Hims and mini-not-hims (aka Hers, the servants of the mini-hims) for ever and ever. That would surely be worth flopping around on a jesus stick for a fleeting flash of time. If the christian gods had not executed Its sordid plan, not existing couldn’t have left us in a lacking position so it couldn’t be for us that the creating was done. The christian god was just lacking worshipers, like a kid without dolls or toy soldiers to play with.

    1. It is real. It’s a genuine piece of 13th century cloth. That’s not common! It’s been carbon dated and all!

      1. See there! A 13th century cloth used to wrap a 1st century zombie, in the 1st century. Its a miracle. The gods of the jesus christs are really really real.

    2. Fine. I’ll take that it dates to the first century. It is still a fraud because a cloth laid over a three dimensional face would not appear three dimensional when “projected” onto a two dimensional cloth.

      Next time you paint your face for a football game, try laying a piece of white cloth over your face while the paint is still wet. Your cheeks will appear splayed out to the side, your nose will appear completely flat, and your eyes further apart than they actually are.

      Fraud, fraud, fraud, and not the least bit surprising that Huffington Post is indulging it.

      1. Oh, it’s being reported in all the most reliable venues – the NY Daily News, the Daily Mail…

  9. TGIF : most likely “Thank God it’s Friday”. Which sort of begs the question of what the (presumably) observant Jews of his retinue would have done if he’d lived until the Saturday. wouldn’t they have got into some sort of trouble for dealing with the body, but also for not dealing with the body as soon as possible.

  10. (note the time)

    Except in John, the trial before Pontius Pilate doesn’t end until the “sixth hour.”

    This has been your Bible Contradiction Moment for today…

      1. There’s a Baptist church on the road to my Dad’s nursing home…and for the past week, the sign has read:

        “Jesus build a bridge with two boards and three nails”

        To which I go “EWWWW. GROSS!!!” every single time.

        Death cults. Disgusting. Celebrating the torture and senseless killing of a human being. Even though it’s a mythical human being, I can’t imagine anything more revolting.

        1. Indeed. What if the guy had supposedly been killed by lethal injection or electric chair? A crucifix is easier to forget that it was used as an instrument of torture and execution; an electric chair … perhaps not. Certainly not a firing squad rifle.

    2. I can’t conjure up a secular sociobiological reason for someone to nail themselves to a cross. Happy Easter.

      I recall a case that caused some human-rights discussion in the UK … in the mid-1980s. There was a group of not-young (40s, maybe 60s) men whose sexual fetish was nailing each other’s scrotums and testicles to wooden boards. All done in the name of sexual thrills, with nary a hint of religion to it.
      Well, you did ask. Sort of.
      Oh, incidentally, they were convicted jointly and severally of assault causing actual bodily harm, or something down that road, despite the fact that none of them wanted to make a complaint about their own injuries and there was no evidence of coercion at all.

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