Today we have a special feature: a word-and-text account of ecologist Susan Harrison‘s recent mental adventures after (legally) ingesting psilocybin. Her text is indented, and you can click on the pictures to enlarge them.
My Psilocybin Journey
In a recent Reader’s Wildlife post, I mentioned that the photos were taken just after a legal psychedelic trip in Oregon, which had intensified – among many other things — my appreciation for seeing and sharing natural beauty. Some readers were curious enough to want to know more, and so with Jerry’s support I’ve written a longer account.
Photos 2-8 are from the Instagram account of Satya Therapeutics, the psilocybin provider with whom I worked, and are used here with permission.
The history
For me it all began with reading the book below, in which Michael Pollan recounts how the two leading psychedelic substances – LSD (a synthetic product) and psilocybin (found in Psilocybe cubensis mushrooms)– were researched extensively in the 1950s and early 1960s. Both showed great promise in the treatment of PTSD, addiction, depression, and anxiety, but as the hippie era took hold, they were abruptly banned as menaces to the social order. Pollan also describes what is now known about the science of psychedelics, the cautious modern resurgence of psychedelic-assisted therapy, and his own experiences. My reaction to his well-written book was “Why would anyone NOT want to do this?”
The book:
The science
The current working view is that psilocybin and LSD bind to serotonin receptors in a brain structure called the default mode network (or just default network) and interrupt its regular pulsating messages to the rest of the brain. The default network is associated with the ego, i.e., the sense of one’s unique identity and history. It’s also associated with the excessive rumination that leads to unhappiness. When the default network is quieted, the rest of the mind comes out to play – emotions, memory, sensory processing, and imagination operate more freely, as different brain areas talk to one another. These new neuronal connections may persist and may enable people to make positive life changes. Psychedelics research is quite active; as an example, here is a cancer-related study in which a relative of mine was just invited to participate.
The theory, per an industry seminar:
The business
Where it’s legal, psilocybin can be used only on the premises and under the supervision of a licensed provider. In Oregon, a few dozen such providers have been operating since June 2023, and in Colorado the industry is still emerging. Thousands of clients with serious issues such as drug abuse have come to Oregon for psilocybin-assisted therapy. Still, this new industry is not doing extremely well, because it’s expensive and there is a competing ‘gray market’ in illegal but decriminalized mushrooms. (Also, some communities in Oregon are scared of it.) A licensed provider must offer each client many hours of pre-trip preparation, during-trip supervision, and post-trip ‘integration’, all of which help to make the legal therapy safe and effective, but also make it costly — typically $1,000 to $1,500 for one journey.
Clients begin by contacting a provider and then choosing a facilitator. I was very fortunate to find Satya Therapeutics and work with its co-owner Andreas Met as my facilitator. He’s extremely smart, empathetic, and more secular in worldview than many in this business — as he put it, his approach is “cognitive, not neoshamanistic.” He’s also a leader in the industry and an expert at mushroom cultivation and processing.
Andreas with his wife Jennifer and their product, which they sell to other providers:
Mushroom processing and quality control:
My experience
Over my several-week preparation period, Andreas got me meditating and journaling, which help develop one’s ‘intentions for the journey,’ in the parlance. My intention was to get to know my subconscious better, and I found myself examining some lifelong recurring dreams, for example. We talked about these personal issues and also about how the journey might go, including what to do if it became scary. We decided on a dosing strategy of 15 mg followed by another 15 mg after an hour, which is in the typical range. For music, we chose the seven-hour “Psychedelic Playlist – Overtone-based Music” created by Johns Hopkins psychedelics researchers. (It is a wonderful playlist, and why didn’t I know about Henryk Gorecki’s ‘Symphony of Sorrowful Songs’ before??)
On the day, I showed up at 9 am with my stuffed cat, signed a large pile of legal paperwork, and was ushered to a converted office with a futon and chair and many pillows. The psilocybin arrived as a powder in a vial accompanied by a cup of tea with lemon and honey. A half-hour after mixing and drinking my tea, I noticed that the cat (formerly Stuffed Boris, but now known as Spirit Cat) was breathing and his eyes and fur were glowing, and so we were off on our adventure. Andreas sat quietly present for the next 7 hours, waiting to help if needed.
Treatment room:
Tea tray:
Spirit Cat:
The progression of phases in my journey was typical. One early phase was a visit to childhood memories and emotions, some of them sad, ultimately leading to deep feelings of catharsis and understanding. Later came an unpleasant “stuck” phase that I’d been warned about; desiring to feel transcendence, I instead struggled with garish Day of the Dead visual imagery and the conviction that I was having a mere commercialized experience that proved my unworthiness. After realizing the need to let expectations go, there then came the “peak” phase, with a flying feeling and glorious imagery and inexpressibly beautiful realizations coming one after another. What I would say now is that some of what was already in my mind as being meaningful– birdwatching, teaching, laughter, for example – was revealed as being divine, or at least as divine as anything else that exists. Finally, there was a long and enjoyable coming-down phase full of grateful thoughts, and of delightedly watching the (nonexistent) movement in the pictures on the wall. Throughout the seven hours, I didn’t talk much nor require intervention. While I did achieve the liberating feeling of being a mere speck in the universe, I still knew who and where I was, a sign that this trip didn’t go as far as full dissolution of the ego.
One childhood memory was of beloved cat Seymour, who died when I was seven:
The modern avatar of long-ago Seymour, a.k.a. my beloved Boris:
The few weeks after a psychedelic journey are said to be a key time for integrating new insights while neuroplasticity remains heightened. I’ve tried to keep meditating, journaling, taking walks, and cultivating greater openness and not-overthinking. And I’m going to do it again…!
Me post-journey:
Evolutionary Coda
Why does a mushroom make a chemical that alters human minds? Some neoshamanists might say that the fungi offer us their gift to unite humanity and save the Earth. However, a recent genomic study concluded that psilocybin production is considerably older than Homo sapiens — in fact, about as old as primates — and has evolved repeatedly. While its natural function remains untested, the authors of the genomic study propose the Gastropod Hypothesis, speculating based upon its timing that it evolved to deter slugs from eating Psilocybe cubensis.
the authors of the genomic study propose the Gastropod Hypothesis, speculating based upon its timing that it evolved to deter slugs
Nothing evolves TO anything. Nucleotide base changes occur. Very occasionally some confer a change in an enzyme (or structural protein) that offers some advantage via the product of the enzyme or characteristic of the protein, and those are perpetuated.
Yes, I think Susan Knows that as she’s an evolutionary ecologist. I believe she’s just using shorthand, as we all do.
Thanks for the detailed exposition.
Isn’t it like dreaming while awake?
And what is the, I guess, t(1/2) of the active ingredient?
Yes, similar to an extremely long, memorable, and meaningful-feeling dream, I’d say!
And, the half life in the body is around 2 hours, I think.
I was aware of some of the history she recounted.
My two cents? “Far out” and “groovy”.
Wow. Thank you for sharing your adventure!
That is a lot of preparation to maximize the salutary effects of taking a hallucinogen. And to think that college kids just dive right in without any of that. I know I did! 😉
I’d have never guessed. No wonder you like little bugs so much, hee hee
About 20 years ago, a writer known as Dr. Phage recounted
some comparable sessions with Lophophora williamsii that he had experienced in the 1960s. At:
https://www.krabarchive.com/ralphmag/AW/peyote.html
Also, off the top of my head :
The story goes that the Salem Witch panic in the what, 17th c.?.. originated with an ergot fungus that grew on rye – Claviceps purpurea – producing ergot alkaloids, ergotamines … IOW psychedelics.
Yep, and I recently learned via an agricultural program on and NPR station from SW VA that ergot also has deleterious effects on cattle, affecting the circulation in their extremities, leading to some thing called “fescue foot” and gangrene. Just search < ergot effects cattle >.
Huh – intriguing….
Yep, and I recently learned via an agricultural program on and NPR station from SW VA that ergot also has deleterious effects on cattle, affecting the circulation in their extremities, leading to some thing called “fescue foot” and gangrene. Just search < ergot effects cattle >.
Sorry for the dbl post – the platform was balking and I didn’t know that it posted twice.
I need a “guide” about as much as I need a priest. There is no better way to ruin a psychedelic experience than to expect that the trip will reveal either the secret of one’s innermost self, or some external “cosmic” consciousness. Unfortunately, those predisposed to insanity often fall into the abyss, but for the rest of us, it is all about having fun while opening one’s mind. Take it from an old hippie, just walk out into the pasture, gobble a few shrooms, then spend the rest of the day enjoying the beauty of nature!
I’m with you, as another old hippy.
But this difference in approach goes back to the early days of LSD use. Leary and Alpert were all about spirituality, formal approaches to guided trips, and (kind of staid) transcendence. Out in California meanwhile Kesey and krew were just letting it rip recreationally, for Fun.
One thing Leary got right, though, were the determinates of any given trip: Dosage, (mind)Set, and Setting. Sounds like the therapeutic approach emphasizes Set preparation and a Setting free of distraction. Which makes sense.
I never ever felt introspective on shrooms. I always just looked at the world feeling captivated by the breathtaking perfection of everything. You can weep over the beauty of a tree. The treeness of the tree is a perfect thing that abides in eternity. The treeness existed long before that particular actual tree came into physical existence to manifest it, before even the stars coalesced and the galaxies formed, and it will persist unabated forevermore long after the tree is gone. And after an eternity contemplating the tree, you notice a rock near your foot. It is a drab uninteresting rock, unimpressive even by rock standards, and you know that at the time. Yet it seems wondrous and quite mysterious that the rock is able to so perfectly be what it is. Then after a while you look at the clouds, and etc. and etc.
I wouldn’t call the experience “religious” exactly. Rather I came to believe in Plato’s realm of perfect forms or archetypes. Perhaps Plato came to formulate that concept after tripping his balls off on the mysterious elixir they served at the Sanctuary at Eleusis.
Great experience. And I have no doubt that the experience can shock one out of a depression and in other ways be beneficial. But introspection is the last thing I want to do while tripping. Back in the day my tripping partner liked to trip in a dimly lit environment so that the colorful visions are more vivid and impressive. But I always preferred to be outside in daylight looking at the world with ecstatic appreciation of the beauty of the world and all in it.
A guy I went to graduate school with did more or less this, but got on his bike instead of wandering in the pasture. He got hit by a truck and ended up disabled (and out of grad school). He would have been better off in a Learyish setting like Susan experienced instead of letting er rip like Kesey. If she is reading the comments, I hope she would tell us what’s known about how psychedelics affect decision-making or other executive functions?
Very interesting post. Thanks very much for sharing this experience in such detail, Susan.
Thanks for all the fun and interesting comments!
A note about dosage. As I understand it, 5-10 mg of active ingredient is a typical ‘recreational’ dose that would be compatible with taking a hike and enjoying the enhanced beauty. A therapeutic dose is more like 25-50 mg, and you’d want to be someplace safe and not have to make any decisions.
Thank you Susan. I just got to reading this late this afternoon. I had no idea about the field since Kesey/Leary times. Scares me, but very happy to read of your thoughtful experiences.
Thank you so much for relating your experience, Susan. It sounds totally fascinating and mind-blowing. But I’m afraid I’d be too scared to try such mind-alteration myself, even with an experienced guide. The mere thought of boundless introspection is quite terrifying to me. And I’m already plagued by routine nightmares that often seem related to (among many other things) years of lecturing to audiences of students and colleagues.
Interesting. Never used psychedelics myself. Thanks for the information.
I appreciate the candor of this post Susan, this is not for everyone but as someone who has “tripped’ I am a full throat advocate of it’s ability to show how a mind can perceive and observe without the noise.
It was my first insight (as a teenager & like many others) that all was not as it seems when it came to the working of a brain. It set me up for a life long interest in neuroscience as a lay person.
I have read Michael Pollan’s book and can’t help thinking it could have saved a few lives I know of had they had access too and the stigma attached to the therapy had not been an obstacle.
My wife of 20 years left me in September of 23 (on my birthday). I tried counseling and I also tried to kill myself. I eventually tried drugs. Before my divorce I had never even been drunk. But I was willing to try anything. The one drug that helped was MDMA (ecstasy). As with all the other drugs I tried, I was rather reckless, and I took 120 mg, not knowing (or caring) that that was a rather large dose. The experience was transformative. My sorrow did not diminish, but I saw it as something profoundly beautiful. It’s very hard to explain, but it’s as if the universe gave me a justification for what happened. I was satisfied with the explanation, and allowed myself to feel joy along with my sadness (the music that I was listening to was AMAZING!!!) I’ve tried it once again during the spring equinox, and I plan to do it again this winter solstice. The biggest problem is the overwhelming desire to be with someone, and I don’t have anyone to share the experience with. Anyway, I still miss my wife deeply and am still in mourning. But I probably wouldn’t be here now if not for the MDMA.
I’m sad for you and also fascinated by the notion of turning to MDMA for grief. That’s one I’ve never heard of and you’ve got me wondering if I might want to investigate this further (been in extended grief over an incredible number of significant losses that occurred within 1 and 1/2 years. My people fell like dominos and I think I may only just be coming out of shock…) Not to turn this into “all about me”. Appreciate your openness.
Not at all. As I said, this was a rather heavy dose, so I don’t know how typical my experience was. I had a vision of my love for Om. It was a vast bowl of something like honey. In the bowl was a black beetle-like creature that was her infidelity. It didn’t belong there, but it was somehow okay for it to be there. I then saw a vision of my sorrow. It was a vast waterfall of an inky black liquid that glittered with a metallic sheen. It was so * terribly * beautiful, and my heart was filled with love and forgiveness. I forgave Om and I forgave the universe. I was shaking and sobbing from love and forgiveness. If Chris himself had walked into my bedroom, I would have hugged him warmly and thanked him for the beautiful gift of sorrow. And I was so, so grateful to the universe for showing me how beautiful my sorrow is. My sorrow and my love for Om are two sides of the same coin, and they are equally precious. “Thank you! Thank you!” I kept saying, with tears streaming down my cheeks. It was beyond catharsis. It was soul-shattering revelation. I’m crying as I write this. I guess that the Goddess of MDMA was satisfied with me at this point, and told me that it was time to just be happy. And I was. I was more joyous than any other time in my life. I was listening to music and… MY GOD! you wouldn’t believe what music sounds like!!! I have never danced before, absolutely don’t know how to dance, but now I was dancing, and I merged with the music. It was pure joy. I danced until 4:00 am, and then collapsed into bed.
I had another MDMA trip a few months later. It was a very different experience. No visions at all. Not nearly as spiritual. But still indescribably joyous. Once again, I spent the whole night dancing. Both times, I was filled with a powerful desire to be with someone. I strongly recommend that you find a partner to do it with. I guess that this is the experience of ravers. They’ve sapped the spirituality out of the MDMA, reducing it to just a party drug. I plan to have another trip this winter solstice. Hopefully that’s sufficient time between trips, and the Goddess will make a reappearance.
Came back to check this thread Sunday morning. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing that sad story. Good luck!
That is a terribly sad but also beautiful story. Very best wishes for your continued healing.
Thanks for the wildlife photos and thanks for describing your experience with psilocybin. I hope your next experience provides what you are seeking.
During the 60s I experimented with LSD and other drugs. I was in San Francisco for the Summer of Love in 1967 and had been there for short periods in 65 and 66. I can believe LSD and other psychedelics would have therapeutic uses under the right conditions. I haven’t taken anything like that since 1968 and have often wondered if it is possible I could have led a different life if I had taken it in a therapeutic situation. I think I did develop a sense that whatever happened I would be OK. That has stuck with me through a divorce, a couple other breakups, the death of my ex-wife with whom I had managed to maintain a good relationship, developing cancer, and still being in relatively good health at 78. Now a hike into the mountains or desert for three or more days provides a feeling of ease and a quiet mind. It is subtler than drugs but there is no downside.
I think I would try anything that could be promising.
This blog is a gift to its readers. Thank you for sharing it with the world
Thanks for sharing your experience in such detail, Susan. I love the photo of Seymour and the young children asleep on the couch — precious (I’m assuming you are one of those children). When you first referenced your “stuffed cat” I thought you’d actually had a deceased pet stuffed… Hey, people do it! Glad to see it was a plush cuddler.