Schrödinger’s Jesus and other Easter fun

March 27, 2016 • 2:00 pm

by Grania

Here are some Easter-related bits and pieces from Twitter

A little physics lesson from the tomb showing that religions and science are indeed compatible.

https://twitter.com/TVMirrorDoor/status/714099794977898496

A little quiz to prove the Bible’s inerrancy and consistency.

And one just because of Reasons.

jesus_5825

Hat-tip: Jerry, Matthew

53 thoughts on “Schrödinger’s Jesus and other Easter fun”

  2. That bottom cartoon made me snort coffee on my screen.

    Didn’t see that one coming.

  3. I like to post this as a reply when a Yahoo commenter claims that there are no inconsistencies in the Wholly Babble (this just from the Gospels):

    When did the leper become not a leper?
    (Matthew 8:13 & 8:14) Jesus healed the leper before visiting the house.

    (Mark 1:29-30 & 1:40-42) Jesus healed the leper after visiting Simon Peter’s house.

    Who approached Jesus?
    (Matthew 8:5-7) The Centurion approached Jesus, beseeching help for a sick servant.
    (Luke 7:3 & 7:6-7)  The Centurion did not approach Jesus. He sent friends and elders of the Jews.

    Was she dead or just dying?
    (Matthew 9:18) He asked for help, saying his daughter was already dead.
    (Luke 8:41-42) Jairus approached Jesus for help, because his daughter was dying.

    Just what did Jesus instruct them to take?
    (Matthew 10:10) Jesus instructed them not to take a staff, not to wear sandals.
    (Mark 6:8-9) Jesus instructed his disciples to wear sandals and take a staff on their journey.

    When did John find out Jesus was the Messiah?
    (Matthew 11:2-3) While imprisoned. John the Baptist sent followers to Jesus to inquire if Jesus was the messiah.
    (Luke 7:18-22) While imprisoned. John the Baptist sent followers to Jesus to inquire if Jesus was the Messiah.
    (John 1 :29-34,36) John already knew Jesus was the Messiah.

    Who made the request?
    (Matthew 20:20-21) Their mother requested that James and John, Zebedee’s children, should sit beside Jesus in his Kingdom.
    (Mark 10:35-37) James and John, Zebedee’s children, requested that they should sit beside Jesus in his Kingdom.

    What animals were brought to Jesus?
    (Matthew 21:2-7) two of the disciples brought Jesus an ass and a colt from the village of Bethphage.
    (Mark 11:2-7) They brought him only a colt.

    When did the fig tree hear of its doom?
    (Matthew 21:17-19) Jesus cursed the fig tree after purging the temple.
    (Mark 11:14-15 & 20) He cursed it before the purging.

    When did the fig tree keel?
    (Matthew 21:9) The fig tree withered immediately. and the disciples registered surprise then and there.
    (Mark 11:12-14 & 20) The morning after Jesus cursed the fig tree, the disciples noticed it had withered and expressed astonishment.

    Who was the father of Joseph?
    (Matthew 1:16) The father of Joseph was Jacob.
    (Luke 3 :23) The father of Joseph was Heli. Christians shall try to LIE and tell you that one is the heritage of Mary and the other Joseph. This is utter bullshit, the Hebrew and Greek cultures NEVER regarded the bloodline of the mother. They were patriarchal societies which only concerned themselves with paternal lineage.

    Was he, or wasn’t he?
    (Matthew 2:15, 19 & 21-23) The infant Christ was taken into Egypt.
    (Luke 2:22 & 39) The infant Christ was NOT taken to Egypt.

    When was the first sermon?
    (Matthew 5:1-2) Christ preached his first sermon on the mount.
    (Luke 6:17 & 20) Christ preached his first sermon in the plain.

    Was he in prison?
    (Mark 1:14) John was in prison when Jesus went into Galilee.
    (John 1:43 & 3:22-24)) John was not in prison when Jesus went into Galilee.

    What was the nationality of the woman who besought Jesus?
    (Matthew 15:22) “And behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, Have mercy on me, 0 Lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil.”
    (Mark 7:26) “The woman was a Greek, a Syrophenician by nation, and she besought him that he would cast forth the devil out of her daughter.”

    How many blind men besought Jesus?
    (Matthew 20:30) Two blind men.
    (Luke 18:35-38) Only one blind man.

    Where did the devil take Jesus first?
    (Matthew 4:5-8) The Devil took Jesus first to the parapet of the temple, then to a high place to view all the Kingdoms of the world.
    (Luke 4:5-9) The Devil took Jesus first to a high place to view the kingdoms, then to the parapet of the temple.

    Who did Jesus tell the Lord’s Prayer to?
    (Matthew 5:1, 6:9-13 & 7:28) Jesus delivered the Lord’s Prayer during the Sermon on the Mount before the multitudes.
    (Luke 11:1-4) He delivered it before the disciples alone, and not as part of the Sermon on the Mount.

    When was Christ crucified?
    (Mark 15:25) “And it was the third hour and they crucified him.”
    (John 19:14-15) “And it was the preparation of the Passover, and about the sixth hour; and he saith unto the Jews, Behold your king‚Shall I crucify your king?”

    One, or both?
    (Matthew 27:44 & Mark 15:32) The two thieves reviled Christ.
    (Luke 23:39-40) Only one thief reviled Christ
    .
    When did Satan enter Judas?
    (John 13:27) Satan entered into Judas while at the supper.
    (Luke 23:3-4 & 7) Satan entered Judas before the supper.

    How many women came to the sepulcher?
    (John 20:1) Only one woman went, Mary Magdalene.
    (Matthew 28:1) Mary Magdalene and the “other Mary” (Jesus’ mother) went.

    What time was it?
    (Mark 16:2) It was sunrise when the two women went to the sepulcher.
    (John 20:1) It was still dark (before sunrise) when Mary Magdalene went alone to the sepulcher.

    How many angels at the sepulcher?
    (Luke 24:4) There were two angels seen by the women at the sepulcher and they were standing up.
    (Mark 28:2-5)There was only one angel seen and he was sitting down.

    How many angels were within the sepulcher?
    (John 20:11-12) two
    (Mark 16:5) one.

    here did Jesus first appear to the eleven disciples?
    (Luke 24:32-37) In a room in Jerusalem.
    (Matthew 28:15-17) On a mountain in Galilee.

    The Elijah mystery:
    (Matthew 11:12-14) Jesus said that John the Baptist was Elijah.
    (Matthew 17:12- 13) Jesus insists that Elijah has already come, and everyone understood him to mean John the Baptist.
    (Mark 9:13) Jesus insists that Elijah has already come.
    (John 1:21) John the Baptist maintained that he was not Elijah.

    Was it lawful for the Jews to put Christ to death?
    (John 19:7)”The Jews answered him, we have a law, and by our law he ought to die.”
    (John 18:31)”The Jews therefore said unto him, It is not lawful for us to put any man to death”.

      2. Hmmm, so if I hand in an essay where I’ve done no fact or reference checking other than a superficial Google, then I can claim a super-biblical accuracy?

        1. It’s a joke folks. Good Grief.

          If you were handing in an essay on this crap I would expect no references.

    2. To play the Devil’s Advocate, almost literally, if two eye-witnesses told the exact same story, you’d suspect that they got together and rehearsed it. Real eye-witnesses quite often disagree on major points.

          1. No, and of course they weren’t. But xians frequently claim the bible is a divinely inspired text. If god inspired those authors, whence the inconsistencies?

          3. Inspired and inerrant, to quote the Christians in my family, who are obviously quoting some authority figure, somewhere.

            Wasn’t it Goebbels who said that in order to lie successfully, do it loudly and often?

          4. “The Big Lie” — It was actually Goebbels’ boss that coined the term, in that book he dictate to Rudolph Hess at Landsberg Prison. He accused the you-know-whos of using it to stab the Fatherland in the back during War 1. But as minister of propaganda, Goebbels pretty much made non-stop use of the technique himself.

      2. What you’ve just stated is a reasonable defense of why it would contain inconsistencies yet still be the story about a real person. Its not a defense of the claim that the bible is fully self-consistent or inerrant. Since Jeffrey was really targeting people who make the ‘fully consistent’ claim, the point made by all these examples is still valid.

        1. And Karl Rove was so impressed with their success with it that he made it a central part of his tactical kit for his Republican Strategy.

          1. Oops. That was supposed to be a reply to Ken’s “The Big Lie” comment just above.

        2. True, but the argument that there are no inconsistencies is only relevant if the inconsistencies are a problem. I’m removing the necessity of trying to explain the inconsistencies.

          1. But in doing so, you create an even bigger problem. Who do you believe, if no ‘witness’ can be trusted to have got it right. Inconsistencies in evidence are frequently the reason why cases get thrown out of Court, and rightly so.

          2. “evidence are frequently the reason why cases get thrown out of Court, and rightly so.”

            That’s too simplistic. If the facts in question are critical to the outcome of the case, and the facts point to different conclusions, then perhaps it’s right, but if one witness says the accused shot the victim with a .45 and the other says it was a 9 mm, the inconsistencies are probably immaterial.

          3. So you rest on a simplistic analogy!
            Sure, one specific detail wouldn’t derail the case, but a whole litany of contradictions, as ‘jeffery’ posted above to make his point, and the case falls to pieces.
            It’s called Reasonable Doubt.

            QED.

          4. You can have an infinite number of contradictions, but it doesn’t matter if those items aren’t central to the claims.

            And your use of “QED” is not appropriate here, since you only made claims, not an argument.

  5. “the Hebrew and Greek cultures NEVER regarded the bloodline of the mother”

    The mother was regarded as nothing more than fertile *ground* wherein the “seed” from the man was planted. Thus, only the man’s lineage counted, as it was from the man entirely that the child’s identity came.

    1. Not quite true. Certain Greek city states required that both parents be citizens for the child to be a citizen. The Book of Ezra in the Bible also commanded that non-Jewish wives and their children be sent away (in other words to be fully Jewish and be able to inherit both parents had to be Jewish though inheritance would be from the father [except in the special case where the mother’s father had only daughters]). The Mishnah which was early 3rd century CE (post the period in question but likely reflecting a strand going back a bit) states that to be Jewish only the mother needed to be Jewish (or the person had to be a convert).

      However it seems fairly clear that both Matthew and Luke came up with two different lineages for Joseph.

  6. What’s the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?

    You only need one nail to hang up the picture of Jesus.

  7. Best news of all Easter: The Stones played a free concert in Cuba.

    Icing on the cake: the Poop asked them to postpone it and they didn’t.

    Way to go, Mick!!

    Incidentally, Mick (or Saint Mick as he shall hereinafter be known) occupies a high place in my pantheon of saints. (I know a pantheon is actually for gods but I just redefined it). You need a miracle to confirm his claim to sainthood? – the bugger’s still alive and that’s gotta be a bloody miracle!

    cr

    1. I’m very fond of The Stones, and quite pleased reading about this account. Thanks for pointing it out. I wonder if they sang “Sympathy for the Devil”. I hope they did…heehee.

    2. “Saint Mick,” huh? Let me know when Keith gets canonized. That he’s outlived his lifestyle ought to count as the one miracle required to kickstart the beatification process. Then again, you can’t always get what you want, know what I mean?

      Think the pope has been clued in that “Sister Morphine” ain’t a song about nuns? OTOH, on their very best album, the Stones did beseech “May the good Lord shine a light on you,” so there’s that.

      1. Even more amazing that Keef’s still around. I think he gets his blood changed every year or so. Hope they did Sympathy for the Devil, too.

      2. And Mick’s tribute to the beneficent power of the Lord (from The Girl with the Faraway Eyes):

        And the preacher said, “You know you always have the Lord by your side”
        And I was so pleased to be informed of this that I ran twenty red lights in his honor
        Thank you Jesus, thank you Lord.

        cr

        1. Yeah, well, while Sir Mick was out chattin’ up the Lord, Keith was in his “basement room, with a needle and a spoon, and another girl to take [his] pain away.”

          Quite the pair, those Glimmer Twins, huh?

  9. Nice cartoons, but it is difficult to me to cheer up these days. After the horrible park bombing in Lahore, Pakistan (it targeted Christians celebrating Easter but killed mostly Muslims – maybe the terrorists thought Allah would sort them out), I’ve just read that a British Muslim shopkeeper who dared to congratulate Easter to Christians was slain, allegedly by another Muslim motivated by hate.

    1. If their killing takes away your cheer, they’ve won. They don’t want the different-minded to be happy, so happy we should be, right in their faces.

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