A Woo Cruise—not a joke!

August 31, 2015 • 9:00 am

At first I thought this Conspira-Sea cruise, whose passengers are subjected to every form of woo and denialism that exists, was a joke, but it’s not. Click on the screenshot to go to the site:

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The topics (have they missed ANY woo?):

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And here are some of the “tentative speakers” (there are more!). Note the NDE survivors, global alchemists, and anti-vaxers.

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Is there any hope for America? My idea of hell would be being on this cruise for eternity.

h/t: Chris Rodley via Matthew Cobb

213 thoughts on “A Woo Cruise—not a joke!

    1. Beat me to it. I was going to add the hopeful note that such a cruise would greatly raise the chances of everyone involved having a near-death experience… in the form of a nasty norovirus outbreak.

      1. Surely the absence of a norovirus vaccine is proof that all vaccines are the work of World government mind-control lizards.

    2. I’m sure they’ll deal with any outbreaks with some good old-fashioned exorcisms, and possibly homeopathic enemas.

        1. Good luck at getting anything INTO the rectum during a bout with this stuff- I had it once, and it was near-projectile vomiting with explosive diarrhea- at the same time! What’s truly amazing about the virus is how few of them have to enter your system in order for you to get sick:


      1. Lol. Same thought here. 😆
        It wouldn’t be a loss for humanity, if some quacks would disappear forever, but a boost for common mental sanity.

          1. Spooky action at a distance means they could still experience the Bermuda Triangle effect. But only if they observe it – like Chopra’s moon.

            1. No offense to anybody relevant, but Chopra’s moon would have to be on my, “Ye gods, I hope I never experience that!” list. Not that I have any objection to those who do want to experience Chopra’s moon doing so, provided all are of legal age and give informed consent…though I can’t for the life of me imagine why anybody should ever wish such an experience….


              1. If you haven’t already, check out the outstanding utterance of “Ye Gods!” several times by the young lady in the 1962 film version of “The Music Man.”

              2. Ben said “Holy fuck — this ship’s real!”
                (Quantum of the Seas)

                I’m prepared to concede that it probably exists, but I absolutely refuse to call it a real ship.

                Just a bloody floating hotel and twice as ugly.

                The old Mauretania / Normandie / QE2 etc were *real* ships. The Quantum of the Seas and the Ruby Princess and all those floating holiday-camps-for-the-rich-and-brainless are, as the heading of this thread suggests, a joke. IMO.

                I don’t know how they handle in a gale but if they’re anything like they look, I’d sooner be on a thousand-ton tramp steamer – at a safe distance from one of those things.

                (The page you linked to says “Wow. This changes everything” – but the name makes a nonsense of that. I would assume the Q of S is the very smallest possible jump ahead of its predecessor.)


              3. No argument from me! As much as anything, I was punning off of, “This shit’s real!” If I wanted an “experience” like what they sell, I’d cut out the middle man and head straight to Vegas for the undiluted stuff. On the other hand, were I to travel to the ports of call visited by these floating skyscrapers, the last thing I’d want is to spend all my time locked up in said skyscraper, only to be led around by the nose to a few kitschy tourist traps with strict instructions to be back on the water in an hour.

                Worst of all worlds, far as I’m concerned.


    1. Perhaps you can take a small hand drill and a rubber dinghy? I don’t want to give anyone bad ideas, but…

  1. If we believed that prayer had any effect at all, we could all pray that the ship sinks and many charlatans would be neutralized.

  2. I have to strongly object to Andrew Wakefield being presented as a “vaccination & autism researcher.”

    Disgraced physician would be a most charitable description of that individual.

      1. Yeah, I overlooked him too. Maybe because they’ve got him down as ‘Andy’ Wakefield.

        What an frickin’ unbelievable concentration of woo.


    1. Add to this another class-A #1 destructive fruitcake, Robert Strecker. (not Robert E. Strecker, Harvard neuroscientist – who I am sure loves sharing a name with a left-coast HIV conspiracy nutjob). This is another flaming asshole who really should be jailed for multiple counts of character defamation (he claims Gallo invented HIV, then claimed discovery, for instance).

      While many of my close colleagues advocate tightening up blood safety in Africa and elsewhere (including the rural SE USA), this malignant piece of shit undermines any rational course of action while he fans the flames of conspiracy misinformation, among populations highly susceptible to that kind of hogwash.

    2. I was expecting to see the Alexander guy who has made a fortune reporting on his visit to heaven. Maybe he’s on the “might see” list.

  3. They’re a bit short on topics, one wonders how they are going to spend an entire cruise on a mere elebenty gazillion disparate issues.

    I’m particularly intrigued by “Fukashima”. I wonder what that is all about.

    1. Fukashima is the town where they serve fuga fish. If cooked in too much water it will become homeopathic poisonous.

      (It is, appropriately, a fish with a weird fleeing motion, a great escape reflex.)

    2. FukUshima is of course the nuclear power station that had a major accident following the big earthquake / tsunami. Of *course* there’s a conspiracy theory about it. Probably several.


  4. In all seriousness, are we witnessing the creation of a new religion? The central tenet would be that virtually all scientifically-derived knowledge is false, mainstream views are lies and only those on the fringes — of science, politics, medicine, spirituality etc. — know the truth. The faith would draw the gullible, frightened, angry, and those desperate for control, or at least the illusion of control, in a chaotic and uncontrollable world.

    If someone could organize all this into a single, cohesive movement, they could make a lot of money, of course, so I’d be interested in knowing who’s sponsoring this cruise. True believers, or innovative business people?

    1. ” so I’d be interested in knowing who’s sponsoring this cruise. True believers, or innovative business people?”

      Whoever appears to sponsor it, that’s just what THEY want you to think. In reality it’s the Illuminati. Or even more insidiously – not the Illuminati.

      1. Funny, but there’s truth here. The tenets of this new sliver faith are whatever is most obscure, unlikely, unpopular, unprovable. Is the Illuminati behind this? Definitely, until someone posts something somewhere, preferably in one of the Internet’s darkest corners, that the Illuminati is not involved.

            1. In these sorts of matters, it’s important to distinguish between the Illuminati, and the Illuminati. All three are entirely different organizations despite confusingly-similar names.


    2. I was going to link to a video of the ‘New Age Creed’ sketch from the (first?) Secret Policeman’s Ball (Mel Smith, iirc), but it has apparently been wiped from the internets. I smell a conspiracy!

    1. “Learn to See Plasma and Recognize ET Technology Embedded in Some Crop Circles”

      That one sounds even better.

      Notice also that the nightly “UFO Watch Under the Stars” sessions don’t have a time limit on them.

      1. Seeing plasma is trivial. Put a grape in the microwave, watch lightning during a thunderstorm.

        “ET Technology”…is that some alternative to Viagra, and “embedding in crop circles” one of those new slang terms I always seem to be the last to learn about?


        1. I’ll bet their explanation of crop circles isn’t ‘a couple of students with a plank’.

          But crop circles, like the best of street art, can be witty, elegant and quite beautiful. In fact they are an art form.

          Try Google Images for ‘crop circles’ for example, or http://www.misterx.ca/CROP_CIRCLES.html

          (My favourite is the Firefox one, not because it’s particularly beautiful (it isn’t) but because it’s a good joke on the ‘aliens-make-them’ school)

          I must admit, looking at some of those, I do marvel at the complexity and wonder how they were done. But ‘aliens’ is not a credible explanation.


          1. There are some wonderful cereal artists out there. I think I draw particular inspiration from the fact that so many choose to both remain anonymous and uncompensated…we as a society need to pay our artists enough to live comfortably on, same as any other professional, but altruism is always nice to see as well.


  5. I am actually wondering if this, while not a joke, is some kind of incredible prank, about to be pulled on both the invited speakers and the paying attendees. If during the opening ceremonies, the organizers reveal that everyone invited is a charlatan and everyone else has been duped. Everyone is already stuck on the cruise ship, though, and have no choice but to be exposed to reason for the duration.

  6. List fails without Knights Templar.

    I actually had to google a couple of these. I could have googled more, but I didn’t want to raise any flags….

    1. Oh but maybe he will be behind the bar, getting them all hammered with free homeopathic Cuba Libres and Gin Fizzes.

      1. But surely homeopathic Cuba Libres and gin fizzes are harmless, what with the dilution of ethanol to < 1 molecule per glass! No danger of people getting drunk on them and falling overboard, is there?

  7. Is there any hope for America?

    What are you talking about? A bunch of conspiracy theorists are going to be on a boat with a bunch of anti-vaxxers.

    I eagerly anticipate being able to report that the entire ship had to be quarantined after a measles outbreak onboard.

  8. What the hell is the Star Wars agenda? The government better not try to build another Death Star because you know what the terrorists did to the last two!

  9. Woos love cruises. Or rather, woo teachers love cruises.

    I hope this isn’t too off topic, but Chopra and Tanzi have just showed up promoting the Brazilian fake-healer John of God.

    It’s in German, buthere’s Tanzi on a trailer for a “documentary” about him. (Should start at 2.06)

    (He’s saying that somehow JoG manages to mingle his consciousness with that of the patient. Then we see Chopra.)

    Apologies to host(s) if this is too far off topic.

    1. Perhaps they also mean to make a stop in Hawaii. There’s lots to do there… like visit I-QUIM, the International Quantum University of Integrative Medicine.

      You gotta love an organization with some quim in it.

      Or… as I’ve just discovered to my dismay, as it is within a half mile of where I used to live (and for some reason, within a block of a Whole Foods store)… the Hawaii Quantum Institute for Holistic Health. Plenty of jolly ways to expand one’s mind.

        1. I feel a bit cheated that they made me spend all those years learning quantum stuff in a regular University, when I could have done it much faster in a Quantum University…

      1. I asked Tanzi on twitter if it’s true that he’s promoting Joao de Deus, but it turns out he’s already blocked me.

        I’ve found the film in English- It’s called Joao de Deus: Just a Man. Here’s Tanzi saying that “some people have evolved so that they simply live to heal people on the astral plane. (Vid should start at 2.52)

        “I have no reason to disbelieve that some souls have evolved to the point of being, um, just helping people, so they exist as soul-bodies in the astral world and help us…”

        It’s a different clip from the German trailer.

          1. I now recall that I did actually tweet a blog post I’d written about him saying he had admitted to have no evidence for his “Superbrain” nonsense beyond over-extrapolating on a few experiments on lab-rats, and that this sounds more like the very worst of the old paradigm rather than a new one. You’d think a Harvard professor of neuroscience would come up with an answer to such a challenge from a know-nothing pleb like me, but I guess as a holy man, he doesn’t need to.

        1. “some people have evolved so that they simply live to heal people on the astral plane”

          Which leads me to wonder why they are holding this woo-fest on a BOAT (?!?) Some people.

        2. Is the astral soul involved in the entangled state? Doctor, patient and astral soul. No reason at all to disbelieve, absolutely none.

    2. Well, well. Tanzi together with Chopra and a Brazilian psychic surgeon. Meanwhile over at IQUIM I notice a course on Doctor/Patient Entanglement. Accepting what you say that Tanzi is blathering about mingled consciousness, I conclude that he well and truly is a fully paid up member of the totally deluded club. That threat of legal action was what first made me wonder if we might not have a real wrong ‘un…

    3. Yakaru said: “Apologies to host(s) if this is too far off topic.”

      Observations suggest that nothing is too Off Topic for WEIT! 🙂


    1. The Montauk Project is an alleged series of secret United States government projects conducted at Camp Hero or Montauk Air Force Station on Montauk, Long Island for the purpose of developing psychological warfare techniques and exotic research including time travel.

      Courtesy of Wikipedia.

  10. Woo woo woo, goes the bluff bluff train!

    LOL. But as a human rights advocate I feel suddenly sheepish. They can lock up the rest of the “spirituality, meditation, … and inner peace” stuff with their woo.

  11. I’m surprised that some leading anti-vax and anti-GMO figures are associating themselves with this. Misguided and dishonest as they can be, I would have thought that they believe their views to be rational and evidence-based.

    This deserves greater publicity. I think that there are many non-vaccinating parents whose views of vaccination are based on poor information & peer pressure. Perhaps their views might change if they realized that Wakefield and Tenpenny represent themselves as conspiracy theorists comparable with those who believe that crop cirlces are created by aliens, and that astral possession and psychic vampirism are matters of grave concern.

    1. It may have been that they weren’t given the full list of topics before they signed up. They (i.e. Wakefield et al) may have been led to believe that it was an ‘alternative lifestyle’ type of cruise – vitamins and veganism sort of thing – and not realised that the Area 51 / chemtrails / UFO conspiracy theories would play a major part.

      Or maybe they just thought ‘more suckers to con’.


    1. You didn’t word that right. It’s why couldn’t a shadow government of the United States borrow the artificial one from the Illuminati? You know, the one that sunk the Titanic. It’s just sitting in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle hanging out.

  12. Looking closer at the ship’s activities, I noted the following: ‘This enriching new program lets children explore the connection between science and magic in a fun and participative environment’.

    Princess Pelicans (Ages 3-7)

    Can someone tell me the connection between science and magic?
    Oh I remember. The magic of homeopathy can be explained by ‘quantum memory’.

    1. Because the astrologers, psychic healers and alien abductees refused to be associated with something so implausible?

  13. I love the self-aggrandizing titles they give themselves. Of course we can do that too.
    I hereby declare myself: Spiritual Entomologist.

  14. Assuming the captain of the ship is not of the same persuasion as his/her passengers. I feel sorry for the captain in that proverbial hell.

    1. The staff of these ships are already well used to being treated like dirt, I suspect. And to having all sorts of nutjobs figure out ways to turn a vacation cruise into something tax-deductible. They’ll likely simply smile, nod, and make sure the wait staff knows which ones deserve some extra DNA in the soup.


  15. There is a popular anecdote in Russia, I don’t know if it has an English counterpart. Let me give a rough translation.

    A sinner gets terminally ill and begs God to save her.
    He says “OK, I’ll cure you, but you have to quit sinning, or you’ll drown”
    She gets miraculously cured, but later slips into her old habits. So she thinks “Fine, as long as I don’t get near the water, I’m safe”
    Several years go by, and she wins a lottery prize: a sea cruise. She thinks “well, this is obviously something I should avoid, but I’m sure God will not kill several thousand people for my sin” and goes.
    However, as soon as the ship gets to the middle of the ocean, it breaks in two and sinks.
    The woman cries: “Lord, how can you punish all these people for my fault?!”
    The skies open, and a thunderous voice says: “I spent three years getting you bitches together!” (Я вас, блядей, три года собирал!)

      1. Interesting. (I’m working on a project that has me reading some pretty strong language in Ukrainian and Russian)… Google Translate seems to think it means “slut”. I realize now that I need a really good Russian-English dictionary of filth.

        1. Well, blyat’ (блядь) has two meanings.

          First, it is a derogatory word meaning literally “prostitute”. However, if needed it may be broadened to “slut”, or just used as a generic insult to women (in most cases).

          Second, it may be used just as a linking word, like “like” or “well”, or “fucking”, or…
          So, the sentence “Ты что, блядь, делаешь?” might mean “Hey, slut, what are you doing?”, but most likely it means “What the fuck are you doing?”

          So yeah, a good dictionary is a must.

            1. Oh, and the third, probably most common use: a simple exclamation “Блядь!” means something like “Fuck!” or “Shit!”.

              Also, uses (2) and (3), but not (1), may be shortened to “бля” (“blya”), or censored like “fucking -> freaking” into “блин” (“blin”), which literally means “pancake” or “crêpe”, which in turn could be used by linguistic conspiracy theorists as a probable origin of English word “crap”. We do have a variety of nuts who derive all languages from Russian, you know.

              1. 😀 So the American stereotype (e.g. Star Trek’s Chekov, who punctuates most sentences with a mention of the concept’s Russian inventor) has at least a little basis in reality? The next time I’m in the Ukraine, I’ll have to make sure to pick the breakfast nook, just so I can ask a colleague to pass the fucking pancakes.

  16. The dark side of my brain says, “Well, while we have them all in one place, maybe the ship will go the way of the S.S. Minnow.”

  17. Ecology? I’m showing this to my Ecology class today. They will like to know that they are involved in a conspiracy.

  18. How much does the woo cruise cost? Anyone seriously considering paying for this should just go to the liquor store and stock up on the ingredients for tropical cocktails and just watch a weekends worth of the History Channel while sipping mai tais and pina colados.

  19. I have to use the old standby when I do not quite understand why….

    “Whatever floats your boat.”


    1. And I’ll add excerpt the first of those comments:
      “You can’t make stuff like this up. Well, you could. But you don’t have to.”

    2. My first thought was something along the lines of how nice it would be if they spent the entire time doing lazy circles off the Horn of Africa. It must be a harmonic convergence or something.

  20. I like the honesty in the promotion – “spiritually enriching event…”
    Guess who is enriched by this fiasco?

      1. Homeopathic gin is really cheap – straight out of the tap; and it makes a great martini if you wave the cork of a vermouth bottle somewhere near it.

  21. Pet Peeve: They spelled “fluoridation” incorrectly – a 15 year old 10th grader’s mistake. Not surprising since they have an alchemist as a speaker! (But maybe they mean the conspiracy where they put wheat in everything (gluten phobia?)

  22. They’ll probably be on good behavior during the cruise, but if left to themselves on a boat, I wonder how long they’d take to devolve into a barrel of cats?

    1. There may be more money in Urban Alchemy, wherein aluminum siding is typically converted to crack. But Urban Alchemists don’t typically go on cruises.

  23. There’s something horribly tribalistic about all this. What unites these folks (and causes them to congregate together) is that they believe (correctly) that their world-view is endangered. They (wrongly) believe that there is something oppressive about the majority not holding these world views.
    Carl Sagan observes that when someone has a belief that runs counter to the status quo, it will either be a profound truth that has been overlooked because the culture has been socialized to think differently, or it will be wild nonsense. Naturally, the best arbiter is scientific method, not engaging in confirmation bias.

    One speaker there is a plain vanilla libertarian, Michael Badnarik. The libertarians also get a booth at the annual Freethought Day in Sacramento, which makes it two degrees of separation removed from this. Except that Badnarik is on the extremes of the libertarian party, a 9/11 truther and and advocate of various forms of historical revisionism.

    Another speaker is listed in terms of his day job which is unrelated to his conspiracy theories, Marhall Masters.

    “My idea of hell would be being on this cruise for eternity.”
    My own idea of hell would be a lengthy series of debates between Focus on the Family founder James Dobson and Larry Flynt.
    If this cruise has a good Wifi connection so that I could in real time look up the rebuttals to this stuff, well I might settle for a couple of day, but I would like a way to get off after the fun of that wears thin.
    Another issue is that on THIS cruise I would HAVE to have an ocean view which is an extra $400.

    Science Blogs has also picked up on this one.

    1. PS In spite of the casting of Mel Gibson in the lead, I recommend the movie “Conspiracy Theory”.

      It’s premised on the assumption that 1 out 100 nutty theories might be true, which in principle no one reading here should quarrel with.

  24. The only individual I had previously heard of was Andrew Wakefield. However, any venue where he appears is extremely dubious regardless of who else is there.

  25. There’s a sort of fascinating and telling assumption in this strange all over the map smorgasbord of speakers: That once you are operating a a critical bar so low as to buy into any one of them, “you’ll believe anything.” That is, you believe X, why not believe this other nonsense? “You believe in anti-vax and other conspiracy theories? Don’t stop there! How about a dollop of the paranormal, near death experience and earth alchemy to go along with that?”

  26. A couple of topics they missed – crystal healing, magnetic fuel technology, color therapy.

    They did mention global warming but I have no idea which side of the debate they’ll come down on (not that I’d want them on ‘my’ side of anything).

    And they seem to have overlooked Uri Geller.


  27. Is there any hope for America? My idea of hell would be being on this cruise for eternity.

    The Discovery Institute are starting a KickStarter campaign for your ticket in 3 … 2 … 1 …

  28. Lets hope they finish up on a Desrt Island out of Communication Range of Satellites etc and they could all WOO their way off it. Or try via their Portals and Whatnot .lol

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