Reader’s beef of the week

December 15, 2014 • 9:54 pm

There’s only one beef this week, as I have a friend moderating the site and I am blissfully left unaware of the beefs (this one is actually a tiny filet)  I woke up this morning to find this nugget of sunshine from a clueless reader who will remain unnamed:

If you move to Patheos, I will stop reading you.

That is the entire message.

I swear, some people have no idea how they come across to another human being. Rather than take the time to write politely, or leave a comment explaining this rather drastic decision, the reader simply makes a threat to flounce if I move.

I explained to this person, which I shouldn’t have had to, that this constitutes neither   polite communication nor civil discourse. Further, I don’t need readers who see fit to send me emails like this, and so I told him that I’d be pleased if he didn’t read my website even now.

What makes some people turn into aggressive jerks when they are behind a keyboard? I urge readers, especially new ones, to read Da Roolz, and write me as if they were talking to me in my living room.

In the meantime, I’ve read every comment about the Patheos issue and see which way the wind is blowing. I will certainly consider those comments seriously when I make my decision, which will be after I return on January 6.

Be aware that when I go to Calcutta tomorrow, and to the university town of Santiniketan thereafter, I may not have Internet connection for a longish while. Therefore I ask readers to have patience, for what photos I take or adventures I have will be recounted when I return to the Web.  And all noms will be photographed!

66 thoughts on “Reader’s beef of the week”

      2. An appeal to Ceiling Cat –

        “Oh great cat in the sky,
        Remember this thy servant Jerry,
        In his hour of need,
        Allow him to communicate thy wishes to us
        Through the power of prayer…
        aaaa-aaaa-men!”

    2. My Internet connection is slow and sometimes fails. Rural area. Sometimes I am not able to view the video links, or can only see the first part. I did not comment yesterday about the possible move to Pantheos, but some of the comments about how that site works made me wonder if my slow connection would make it difficult for me to follow WEIT. I enjoy Jerry’s posts very much, also the living room conversation.

      1. I think putting in an ad block application will speed things up. But running the application in your browser takes memory.

  3. No Internet? Aren’t you supposed to carry something with you that you can make an Internet with in case of emergency? Like, gather some dry sticks, stack them a certain way, and then find a couple Boy Scouts and rub their legs together until you’ve got a nice Web browser going?

    I mean, how’re you even supposed to do something as basic as cook food or remember who Carter’s vice president was without any Internet?

    Not sure I can imagine what life must have been like before the invention of Internet, and I certainly didn’t realize that there were parts of the world that hadn’t yet attained such a basic level of technology that they’re bereft of even Internet! In this day and age!

    …and what about other basics, like wheels and unlimited cellular data plans and indoor plumbing and self-checkout lanes in the grocery store? Do they have any of those?

    b&

    1. That’s funny. I was thinking when I read Jerry’s post that we should’ve pitched for some data plan so he could keep posting. Then I thought that it isn’t Jerry’s second book that is the albatross, it is ALL OF US he keeps pleasing. We are the albatross! Where’s my fainting couch?!

  4. Dear Jerry and Ceiling Cat. I follow your website “religiously” and I am also a follower of both the Patheos Atheist and Buddhist websites. Personally I would prefer that your site and Patheos’ site remain separate but of course I will bow my brow to the will of Professor Ceiling Cat.
    May you always be well and happy and smiling especially after an excellent meal.Sarah

  6. I’m not too sure if this violates the living room scenario established in Da Roolz. If you have a visitor in your living room and you mention to them that you’re moving to Detroit and they respond that if you do, they won’t visit you any longer…I wouldn’t find this rude, just a statement of fact (that so and so person prefers not to visit Detroit for whatever reason). Personally, I like Detroit, but I can see why some people might not like to go there. Meh.

    1. Yeah but in the email scenario, reading posts on the website, plus commenting, is pretty much the whole relationship. So, to scale, it’s more like “if you move to Detroit, you’re dead to me.”

      In the big picture, probably not someone you need to waste time on; all the same, not a comment that feels very good.

      1. It was certainly an unwarranted comment and a little weird…to email someone just to say that. That part I get. Maybe the person has a real thing about Patheos or a warped sense of humor.

    2. Well, I’d find the Detroit remark to be the end of our friendship. My answer would be, as it would if I’d received that email, “OK”. And that would be my last word to my former friend and/or email correspondent.

      If it was said “Oh, I’m so sorry, I won’t be able to visit you there! But I’d always love to see you elsewhere, and will still always be keeping in touch”, it emphasizes that you do value the person’s friendship and not just that they’re geographically available. So, I’d find that much better. It’s all in the phrasing.

      Unfortunately, so many people don’t need to sit down to a keyboard to become aggressively rude. Personal questions and remarks, personal criticism of how your lead your life, endless demands that you tailor your life in the way they find convenient. Such people are all around us, and I avoid them assiduously.

    1. Depends on context. I got a headache on the second day of a camping/snake-hunting trip in the western Gulf Country (Northern Territory side) just before the Wet, and couldn’t figure out whether it was the result of sleep deprivation (mosquitoes), dehydration (sweat), caffeine withdrawal (primitive camp setup) or envenomation (just a little nip from a whipsnake).

      1. A snake hunt without coffee is much more unacceptable to me than sleep deprivation or dehydration, although the whipsnake “nip” might be a confounding issue. I can’t imagine a day in the field snaking that doesn’t start with a cup (or three) of coffee!! I get bothersome headaches that detract from the field effort…

      2. Coffee is all-powerful. If you’d drunk enough, it probably would have cured the envenomation.

        Or rather, you’d have been too wired to care.

      3. From that site:

        “Danger rating Venomous.
        Note: even a bite from a ‘virtually harmless’ or non-venomous reptile can result in serious complications. Play it safe and don’t get bitten by anything.”

        Also from that site:

        “This species was described by Scanlon in 2007.”

        Interesting life you lead. 🙂

        1. Yeah, Stewart M is a wimpy lizard-lover. 🙂
          The 2007 paper grew from a project I did at high school back in ’81. Long story.

  8. “If you move to Patheos, I will stop reading you.”

    That terse post is not one I agree with, nor something I’d write. The format is consistent with a “threat” format, but it is also consistent with being a simple conditional statement of fact from the poster. He/she is stating what he/she would do, and is following the Roolz by *not* telling you what to do or what to write about on your website. I’m not sure it is necessarily “aggressive”. I think it can be read both ways. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  9. I’ve probably posted this before here…Remarks like the one Jerry posted above always remind me of a William F. Buckley anecdote. When he was editor of the National Review, he got a letter from an upset reader that ended in the typical, “cancel my subscription!” “Cancel your own damn subscription,” he replied.

    1. HaHa. My favorite anecdote about Buckley involved the first time I became aware of Hitchens. Hitchens was on Buckley’s show and waxing on about some point, when Buckley interrupted and said, “I didn’t understand a thing you just said”. Without missing a beat, Hitch replied, “I’m hardly surprised”. My first exposure to the Hitchslap. Hitch was very young (the show was in B&W), it was great to see Buckley put in his place.

      2. Oh, that’s hilarious! 😀

        Thing is, for two people coming from such disparate philosophical stances, they were really quite similar in mien & delivery.

      3. I believe you can still watch that old Firing Line Show with Hitchens many years ago on You Tube. Buckley actually says some pretty dumb things but maybe the young Hitchens was too much for him.

      4. Was that the episode (from 1984, found online and in color) where there was a third guy (publisher of the conservative “The Spectator?), and Hitchens was having to joust with both?

        On that show, early on at one point Buckley thought that he had gotten the better of Hitchens, who riposted, “Mr. Buckley, my withers are unwrung.”

        2. I spent several hours online last night watching the Firing Line episodes, so I could post it here, to no avail. My memory (but come on, it’s been 30 or 40 years) was that it was B&W, but I’m probably not correct about that. I’m sure I got the HitchSlap right though. From the episodes that I watched last night, it appears as if Buckley and Hitch developed a mutual respect of each other’s abilities that wasn’t there during their first encounter…and I think it was their first encounter.

          Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of Hitch’s death, so going through old videos was bittersweet.

      5. W.F. Buckley: I almost always disagreed with his politics; but I couldn’t help but like the man:

        1. The bizarre posture he often held in his chair on Firing Line.

        2. Quite a good writer

        3. Competent harpsichord player

        4. Agile, interesting mind

        5. Was wise enough to publicly advocate for legalizing (and controlling/taxing) recreational drugs

        Some other things I’m not remembering now …

        And Hitch,. of course. That must be a fun Firing Line to watch. I will have to find it on YouTube.

  10. This post reminds me of the Keel and Peele “Text Message Confusion”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naleynXS7yo

    The original comment could have been offered as a threat. It could have also been a simple hyperbolic comment meant to be humorous. You could argue he should have put a smiley or wink in there, but does the ambiguity really require the assumption of the worst-case scenario?

    All I’m suggesting is, maybe we should save the 10 pound sledge for more blatant comments. Most offensive people aren’t hiding it.

    1. All the same, when one is commenting in any other way than face to face, it never hurts to think about how the message comes across to the person it is addressed to. Certain forms of shorthand are easily understood between friends, but implied humor or meaning just doesn’t convey that well to someone who is a relative stranger.

      And that goes double for recipients who are on the receiving end of hundreds, even thousands of emails a day.

  11. It is peculiar that such a comment is shared. You have to wonder if the intent is to make you think how empty your life would be without that particular reader or if the reader thinks he or she is adding his or her voice to many others that will be carefully counted, weighed and decided upon on the basis of missing their presence.
    It would have been more impactful to include drawings: a sad one to represent the sadness of losing the reader & a happy one to represent the joy of the reader staying. 🙂

    I think I’ve played too much Angry Birds tonight. It has warped my sense of humour.

  12. long time lurker here (first post). i personally don’t want Jerry to go to patheos because, for whatever reason, there’s no way to view comments on my phone… i would be DEVASTATED if i couldn’t read the comments to Jerry’s post on my phone… 🙁

    Jerry… i beg of you… PLEEEZ don’t do it! 8^o

  13. “If you move to Patheos, I will stop reading you.”

    Disgusting. The correct form of course is “If you move to Patheos, I SHALL stop reading you.”

    You’re better off without readers who are this ignorant of the basic rules of grammar.

  14. So, India. Wouldn’t it be nice to visit Taj Mahal?

    I Tawt I Taw it Made by Tiling Tat! [/read in Tweety voice]

  15. I will happily continue to read your content Jerry. I would prefer to do it here, but it’s your show.

  17. “What makes some people turn into aggressive jerks when they are behind a keyboard?”–One of the top, maybe, five important questions to be contemplated in this age of the interwebs…

    1. Everyone behind a keyboard should be aware that emails and web site comments easily come across as being more terse and abrasive than is possibly intended.
      If writing under duress, it is best to stop, cool down, and come back to the task later. That is, unless that is precisely the effect that you want.

      1. “Everyone behind a keyboard should be aware that emails and web site comments easily come across as being more terse and abrasive than is possibly intended”

        True, but that works both ways. It is possible to *interpret* things in a way that isn’t inherent in the text. I think the comedy video posted earlier makes a fair analogy that one should be careful about escalating based on assumptions rather than stuff that is explicit in the text.

  18. That is pretty ignorant of this person. As I said on the other thread regarding Patheos, I wonder if there is a way to maintain both? I’m unfamiliar with Patheos and unaware of how much time it would take to maintain, but as you said, you might very well have help/moderators/etc..

    Many internet celebrities with an even larger audience maintains multiple websites. (i.e. twitter/facebook/tumblr/youtube/etc..) Maybe there is a way to do both?

  19. What am I missing? You asked a question, “Should I join Patheos?” You received an answer, a vote for no, edited for brevity perhaps. Imagine you had asked “Should I donate all my advertising revenue to the Communist Party of the USA?”, or “Should I join Salon?” I think you would have understood that response well enough. Clicks are revenue.

    1. What am I missing?

      Is that just a rhetorical question? or have you thought about what the answer might be?

      Jerry explained the reasons he might consider moving to Patheos. Do you think the person who wrote that email showed any concern for Jerry’s needs? Do you think the email shows any appreciation for the value of WEIT? Or, by extension, for any of the considerable time, thought and effort Jerry puts into maintaining a resource thousands of people find entertaining and informative – which resource by the way is provided to his readers free of charge?

      Do you think it’s appropriate to leave out of a direct communication all consideration of the recipient’s feelings, in light of the above, in the service of “brevity”?

      The question Jerry posed was not “if I move to Patheos, will you still read WEIT?”, which I happen to think is the only question that email answers – and even then, insufficiently. The question was “what do you think?” Do you think a one-sentence threat, which is what that email amounts to, is a fair answer to the question?

      Do you really not know what you are missing? Is there really no validity at all to a person feeling insulted by an email that expresses a threat without any context (we might assume the sending party hates Patheos because it is a religion blog, but that is speculation since s/he doesn’t say), rather than friendly, thoughtful advice on making a fairly important decision?

      I can give you a better hypothetical than the ones you suggest: suppose you had been inviting hosting the gang to watch a particular TV show, providing all the refreshments for free, and asked everyone’s thoughts on whether to watch on the TV in the family room rather than in the den as you’d been doing for years. If you got an email from a neighbor you don’t know all that well saying “If you move the party into the family room, I’m not coming any more,” do you think that would feel good or not-good? There are lots of ways to respond, of course, but don’t you think “you don’t have to come at all” is a perfectly reasonable thing to say?

  22. The anonymous nature of the Internet allows for the idiosyncrasies and bad tendencies to come out of those who have weak restraint of their inner dictator or troll.

    Have a safe trip.

  23. I’ll say it again, thanks for asking your readership about the move issue. This is amazing to me. Thank you for the opportunity to comment!

    This guy was quite rude. I agree. Comes across as a threat.

    As I said on the other thread, I prefer that you not move because I love your living room as it is.

    That said, I WILL follow you to Patheos if you go there. 🙂

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