44 thoughts on “The argument for Not God from the Empty Roll

  1. They now make toilet paper rolls that have no cardboard tube.

    “Scott Naturals® Tube-Free Bath Tissue delivers premium softness without the wasteful tube.”

    1. It’s a type that been in stores here for a while. Here it’s the cheapest crap paper, as they can compress the hell [pun intended] out of them with a plastic wrap.

      Cheap to transport, but awkward to use (not really round again).

  2. Evidently you heathens have all forgotten about the hymn “When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder (I’ll Be There).” Just more proof that this life doesn’t matter. Insert appropriate emoticon to designate facetiousness.

  3. I would use this as an excuse to put up a new role properly. Such was my response when my mother chastised me for always switching around her toilet paper when I visit. Of course, the role wasn’t always empty when I re-oriented it but she didn’t point this out (as I was expecting).

    1. You should really ask a Sophisticated Theologian™, their subject is crap.

      But I suspect it is some form of deism, as the magic was inserted before the [world] sheet unrolled. I think that means you have found the Round Of Being.

        1. The writing is sort of like a fossil: God put it there like he put the fossils under the sediment, just to test our faith. He often tests our faith in moments of crisis.

  4. Nah, any sophisticated theologian™ worth his salt should hold up his pants a while longer, and start to compose his counterargument from the following list of ingredients:

    1.Everything that is exhausted or is about to be exhausted has a cause
    2.The roll cannot last eternally
    3.The roll must be exhausted
    4.The cause of the empty roll is God

  5. It kind of does have directionality in that you might need to turn it to read the whole thing.
    The direction of the turn is…..under. Yay.

    1. And I instantly concluded it was in the Over position because if the writing was copied onto every square of paper on the roll, in the same orientation, it would have to be Over for the words to be the right way up.

      1. Ah, but if it was printed on every sheet then the sentence would be meaningless.
        Except for me who needs a lot more than 1 sheet so you could write it on the last ten sheets say.

        1. If it was printed on every sheet, the theist’s answer would be, of course, that god is omnipresent:
          Now he’s in front of you;
          Now he’s behind you.

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