Guitar-string company gives discount for using “Jesus Christ” coupon

August 8, 2014 • 12:41 pm

Reader John Danley, a guitarist, informed me that a company called “Strings and Beyond,” which specializes in selling guitar strings, will give you a 5% discount on your order if you use a coupon labeled “Jesus Christ.”  It’s just another case of promulgating Christianity, though, to be sure, the company says that the discount (offered through a company called “Retail Me Not” will work for nonbelievers:

Screen Shot 2014-08-07 at 9.01.48 AM

Here’s the coupon itself:

Strings and Beyond Jesus Christ coupon

Now I suppose you could pin this on the “Retail Me Not” site, but surely the code was specified by Strings and Beyond. But I’m  informed by those who know that this is not a First Amendment violation, because it’s not discriminatory, and thus doesn’t violate the Civil Rights Act.  It’s also unclear whether this firm is a “place of public accommodation” (places to get food, a rest, or amusement), which are the only places covered by the Act.  But the lack of discrimination rules this out as being any kind of legal violation. It’s simply the annoying promulgation of Christianity.

One more thing: guess which part of the U.S. harbors this company? If you know the country, you have a 100% chance of being right.

I am saddened to say that John (he was fine with me giving his name) actually USED this discount, selling his soul to save $2.13. When I mock-yelled at him because of this, his response was “I used a version of the Woody Allen defense to avoid cognitive dissonance: ‘But I needed the strings.'” (You’ll recognize the joke if you’re a Woody Allen fan.)

After further communication, John added this: “Believe me, it’s the most Jesus ever did for me. I’m waiting for the ISIS group discount on sheet music: ‘Abu Bakr.'”

49 thoughts on “Guitar-string company gives discount for using “Jesus Christ” coupon

  1. Jesus and guitars just don’t seem to go together. I imagine Satan can play like Eddie Van Halen on speed, but I bet Jesus played like a drunken Elvis.

    1. Agreed. Surely the advent of all great musicians can be traced to the other guy, not Jesus. Where are the Lucifer coupons?

  2. Did you really expect that they, of all companies, would sell you something with no strings attached?

    Har. Har.

      1. The “H” stands for “Howard” – which is Jesus’s father’s name. This is clearly indicated in the Lord’s Prayer: “Our Father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name…”

        😉

    1. As far as I know the Bibble is mute on the subject of whether Big J ever… err, got his end away. I’ve always wondered about that. Considering the Bibble’s usual obsession with sex it seems a curious omission. I can only assume he was Jesus never-had-it, poor sod, he-must-have-been-awfully-frustrated Christ.

        1. For “never-had-it-he-must-have-been-awfully-frustrated” of course.

          You just have to say it really really fast 🙂

  3. What if one crosses out/redacts “Jesus Christ”? And writes in “Mithras” or “Wotan”?

    Economists, self-fancying avatars of rationality, constantly yammer about “rational” behavior. Seems that they would say that one ought to take the discount, regardless of ones religious or philosophical principles, eh? 😉

  4. Damn it! Their website has really great deals on strings. They have my Martin Extra Light 10’s for less than half of what I pay at the local music store, but I shall not give them my business.
    An “All Hail Satan” coupon would work better with most of the guitarists I know anyway. It’s like bill Hicks said, “I don’t wanna have Christian parents, I wanna live with the Satanic family down the street, ya know, the one with the good albums.”

    1. Plenty of other websites to try, but I like stringsbymail.com I’ve been using them for a while. And they’re free of this kind of silliness.

  5. Well, I guess if typing “Jesus Christ” actually gets you a discount it isn’t taking the Lord’s name in vane…

    Close one, though. Whew.

    1. My High School gym teacher used to tell us, “Don’t say Jesus’s name when you get mad. He doesn’t say your name when he gets mad.”

  6. All lower case? Huh. I’m routinely told that I’m strident and a fundamentalist atheist when I don’t capitalize those words.

    1. Well, it may have worked for Robert Johnson. In the days when I tried to play guitar, I’d have sold my soul to anyone who could make me play like that.

  7. Thin end of the wedge!!
    First you ‘go along with’ religion to get cheap guitar strings, then you go along with it so that they won’t thumbscrew you for apostasy.
    We’re all doomed

    1. P.S. Jesus strings never go out of tune, but you can only use them to play Gregorian Chant, none of that modern rock’n’roll stuff, and definitely no tritones: the Devil’s interval.

  8. I’m not a musician but here’s one of my brushes with the Christian drive for empire:

    A few years ago I ordered a (purportedly) humanely-raised homemade feather pillow online.

    The expensive pillow arrived – and the makers had written a Christian religious message in ballpoint pen next to the pillow seam. In case I needed saving, y’know.

    What arrogance.

  9. Well, this is a bummer, because I consume a lot of guitar strings and Strings and Beyond has been my supplier for years. They are an excellent store. Bummer. And very friendly and polite. They always have a hand-written thank-you note on my receipts (never any religious overtones).

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