Best news headline ever

March 23, 2014 • 12:37 pm

From the Washington Times via reader Barry:

Screen shot 2014-03-23 at 1.29.29 PM

And the story, short and sweet:

German authorities have intercepted a package headed to the Vatican containing condoms filled with cocaine, the finance ministry said Sunday.

Officers at Leipzig airport found 12 ounces of the drug in liquid form that had been poured into 14 condoms and packed inside a shipment of cushions coming from South America, the Agence France-Presse reported. The narcotics were valued at $55,200,

The package was addressed to the main postal center at the Vatican.

“I can confirm the incident as reported,” the spokesman said, German weekly Bild am Sonntag reported Sunday.

According to AFP, authorities handed the parcel to a police officer at the Vatican with the aim of laying a trap for someone trying to claim it.

The box had remained there since January, however, and investigators believe the intended recipient was likely tipped off that the package had been intercepted.

Hmmm. . . . I wonder if the recipient wanted the condoms as much as the drugs.

40 thoughts on “Best news headline ever

  1. 1) I didn’t know cocaine came in liquid form
    2) Wouldn’t it be a sin to use the condoms?

      1. In fact, this is not funny. The prescription against condoms by the Catholic Church has contributed to the spread of Aids in Africa, and is the cause of thousands (possibly ten thousands, or more) of deaths in Africa.

  2. Well, it could have been a hoax, given that no one came to pick it up, but it’s still funny!

      1. Yeah, I always think about how much a joke is worth. When we used to drop coins down from a little “bridge” to people in the cubicles below at a job I once had, we’d never go higher than a nickle. 🙂

          1. Nope. But to be fair, it was dropping change on people’s desks that was amusing. Poor guys that got stuck sitting there!

  3. “Hmmm. . . . I wonder if the recipient wanted the condoms as much as the drugs.”

    Good one!

    1. Yeah, the cocaine was probably just and after thought, like in a drug store, where people think the condoms will be less noticeable if they buy a magazine and some candy at the same time…

  4. That more than just a few yahoos behind those “sacred walls” were gettin’ ready to divvy-up the goodies would be no surprise to me whatsoever.

  5. No, Jerry, the Vatican says condoms spread AIDS. Besides who needs them for choir boys?

  6. Oy, the schadenfreude! Nearly as beautiful as the story about Angela Merkel’s handy being tapped.

    1. That is funny. Very “special” Easter party…a bowl full of coke, a couple of condoms and bunch of blokes. I have nothing against that, though my heart, I am sure, could not take the drugs.

      1. Not only that but, due to the desensitizing effect of coke, there would be a lot less premature “Jesus Mary and Joseph!!”

        if you’re Catholic, you’ll get the joke.

      2. So long as only cheerfully consenting adults are involved and they’re not hypocritically interfering with the rights of others to enjoy similar pleasures, all the more power to ’em — even though that sounds like my own personal idea of Hell. Of course, neither condition is actually met in this case….

        b&

      1. Would depend on the partygoers, I should think. If it’s the Swiss Guard, sure…but somehow I doubt there’d be much rising if it’s just the Cardinals. Willing spirit with weak flesh and all that….

        b&

  7. Me, I’d suspect the ‘police officer at the Vatican’ of tipping off the intended recipient.

    What need do they have for a police officer at the Vatican in the first place? Oh right, those altar boys.

  8. Bill Donohue wants to know if his package got sidetracked and, if so, why. If he doesn’t get a good answer, and soon, he’s gonna have go on some TV show, or something, and scream persecution.

    1. Imported pew cushions from South America are the gold standard in pew cushions. So much better than any knock-offs you can get locally.

      Sheesh, what a philistine.

      1. Yes, Pew cushions from South America have that special extra something for those long boring ceremonies when you can’t slip outside for a little incense.

  9. Atheists engineer Vatican dope buy. Stay tuned to FOX for more on this story.

  10. The vatican outlawed the use of condoms because they don’t want their drug containers to have been used prior to being filled.

  11. Much as I hate saying anything that would appear to let the Vatican off the hook, the Washington Times, owned by Moonies, is one of the worst right-wing political rags in existence. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that this is a smear of the ‘lefty’ Pope by “Reverend” Sun Myung Moon’s henchmen.

  12. Cocaine is regulated under various narcotics acts but it is not actually a narcotic. Narcotic means literally that it will put you to sleep and refer to poppy based drugs and their derivatives. I would expect the Vatican to be as full of drugs as it is of other pastimes for the bored and wealthy.

Comments are closed.