82 thoughts on “Habemus Papam!”

    2. http://www.businessinsider.com/pope-francis-comments-on-gay-marriage-and-gay-adoption-2013-3“>Pope Francis Called Gay Adoption A Form Of Discrimination Against Children
      Michael Kelley
      Mar. 13, 2013, 3:41 PM

      REUTERS
      Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Buenos Aires, Argentina, has been elected the new pope and will now be known as Pope Francis.

      Bergoglio, 76, was “runner-up” last time the College of Cardinals elected a pope because he “appealed to conservatives,” according to John Allen of the National Catholic Reporter.

      Here’s more from Allen:

      Bergoglio is seen an unwaveringly orthodox on matters of sexual morality, staunchly opposing abortion, same-sex marriage, and contraception. In 2010 he asserted that gay adoption is a form of discrimination against children.

      In a letter to the monasteries of Buenos Aires about the bill, Bergoglio wrote: “Let’s not be naive, we’re not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God.”

      He added that the bill called into question “the identity, and the survival of the family: father, mother, and children” and said the country needed “the special assistance of the Holy Spirit, to place the light of truth in the middle of the darkness of error, to defend us against the enchantment of so many sophistries with which they seek to justify this bill.”

      Nevertheless, Allen notes that in 2001 Bergoglio “visited a hospice to kiss and wash the feet of 12 AIDS patients.”

      Part of the draw of Bergoglio was his personal simplicity because he was a Prince of the Church “who chose to live in a simple apartment rather than the archbishop’s palace, who gave up his chauffeured limousine in favor of taking the bus to work, and who cooked his own meals,” Allen notes.

      —-

      And I’m happy to add that last night, New Zealand’s Parliament voted 77-44 to advance a destructive pretension against the plan of God and a machination of the Father of Lies one step further, by opening marriage up to people of any sex/es. It will now undergo a clause-by-clause debate and almost certainly be passed and signed into law by the Queen’s representative, the Governor-General.

  4. I’m not familiar with the contenders but remember hearing about a candidate from Africa. I’ll go with him.

  5. Peter Turkson of Ghana – because it would make some heads explode.

    But Odilo Scherer of Brazil looks pretty severe and authoritarian, so he is probably the jerk I should use as my guess.

    1. Also: good, it’s over. I was getting heartily sick of the news coverage of what ought to be a non-event, of interest only to the adherents the sect in question. Of course next we’ll get painstaking analysis of the guy’s biography, and endless prognostications about which direction he’ll take the Church (and since “the 21st century” doesn’t seem like one of the likely options, I don’t really care).

      2. Anyone else think it’s strange to “modernise” the announcement by putting “chemicals” in with the voting papers to make the smoke less ambiguous (I think they used to do it with dry or wet straw) and pointing a webcam and the chimney and posting it on big screens in front of St Peter’s, but not to simply (and much more safely) replace the stove/s in the Sistine Chapel with a shredder and key-operated red or green lights?

          1. What struck me was that (according to a news story) each vote takes an hour because they have to walk up and put their ballots in one by one. This seems incredibly inefficient. Surely the votes for each round could be collected in five minutes, with no loss of accuracy.

            But then, putting up with mind-numbing ritual is probably a prerequisite of being a cardinal.

    2. Considering how much less Catholic Canada is now I think the Canadian guy loses points for poor performance so I don’t think it will be him.
      So I’ll vote for him anyway.. Andre´Ouellette

      1. Joe Paterno was Catholic (however, being dead disqualifies him from being a modern-day pope–although a dead pope has reigned). Sandusky was Methodist, but he qualifies for so many other reasons. 20+ at last count.

  16. I think Mr. Walsh is correct–a decision this quickly must mean Scola. But I’ll take the American symbol of ignorance, Dolan, just so I have a viable candidate.

  17. Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina.

    Part Italian, Part Argentinian, pretty much everything a group of aging homophobic cardinals that hate change could want.

  20. I’ll go with the major betting houses and guess Peter Turkson for new pope. Though I really hope it’s someone who’s *slightly* less of a raging homophobe.

  22. Mahoney! Because being in charge of a $10 Million Deal Settlement deserves it! An also, his archdiocese settled more than 500 clergy abuse lawsuits in 2007 for a record-breaking $660m!

  24. The new pope doesn’t have to be a Crdinal, so I’m guessing a surprise outsider:

    Clinton Richard Dawkins, to be known as Pope Darwin I.

    1. According to Irish bookie PaddyPower.com, the odds for Richard Dawkins becoming pope are 1:666.
      Figures…

  28. The Canuck one.

    And maybe the hockey gods will smile on the Canucks and they will win the Stanely cup… ah, that would be a miracle.

  37. Georg Gänswein, he’s a good PR face (and he knows much of the job already)
    Just kidding

  43. O’Malley – because he has already got a song – Abraham de Lacy, etc. from the Aristocats…

  44. I don’t care who the pope is, I just want his pope name to be Pope Leo. Because let’s face it, everybody wants a Leo.

  47. Just nipped down to my local Asda, and would you believe it, there was white smoke billowing from the chimnneys. I knew it, you can mix God and Mammon.

    But I still think Anne Widdecombe should have got it.

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