In a short piece called “Holy sighting on Scottsdale cheesecake,” AzCentral.com reports one of the loonier miracles I’ve heard of It’s not even the face of Jesus on the cheesecake, either, but simply a cross. There’s a video on the site, whose entire narration is below (I love the “objective journalism” of the last sentence):
“A family makes a cheesecake for the holiday season, and when it was cooling off, it formed a crucifix. Is this a simple crust-cracking, or is this actually Jesus Christ coming back and showing support for this family’s religious beliefs?”
Here’s a screenshot from the video. Are you convinced? If it was Jesus, why did he come back in a cheesecake instead of appearing as a person to the family and saying “I am Jesus Christ, and I approve of your beliefs”? He could then produce many cheesecakes from the single one—enough to feed all of Scottsdale.
The site adds:
“Family members say they won’t be eating the cheesecake. Instead they plan on selling it and donating the money to a local charity or church.”
People on eBay will eat this up.
I’d be ever so slightly more impressed if cheesecakes weren’t prone to cracking at the hands of inexperienced bakers…
god free cheesecake:- Keep oven environment moist during baking, use a proper tin, on a solid base & allow the cake to cool in the turned off oven for a couple of hours. Then eat.
You’ve just taken all the mystery out of life. Next you’ll be telling that us rainbows are not magic, but just light passing through water droplets or some such nonsense. How can you even get out of bed in the morning?
Thanks! I’d love to see that on one of the recipe sites.
It looks like two cracks to me …
/@
Ha! My first thought too (after, mmmmm cheesecake and mistakenly thinking this was going to be a post about really tasty cheesecake).
“it formed a crucifix”
Wrong. That’s just a cross. A crucifix has a dead body on it.
It was there but the d*g ate it.
Yes, but this is the dog after eating said cheesecake, so I’m afraid the point is proven….
b&
Holely Christ!
Wow, that picture gives new meaning to the term, “Holy Crap!”
It looks more like a stylized dagger than a cross; perhaps I’m reading too much crime fiction at the moment.
Strangely, neither of the two non-bake cheesecakes I made yesterday revealed any divine apparitions, unless there is a god with a rather smooth, creamy complexion covered by apricots or boysenberry sauce.
You’ve heard of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
We might need to start the Synagogue of the Cracked Cheesecake. The imperfection of the sweet deity emphasizes its humility, a feature sorely lacking in most other gods.
Cheers,
b&
If there isn’t a god with a smooth, creamy complexion covered by apricots or boysenberry sauce, there really, really ought to be.
That was my first thought, too: “They’re holding it upside down; it’s a dagger.”
Pastry pareidolia works better with scones.
In general pastry pareidolia works well with patsies.
😉
I wonder how many of their cheesecakes had cracks in the form of a half moon in the past AND have been eaten … they’re bound to have a fatwa against them any day now!
I have a similar sign in my concrete driveway .. how come I never had that almost immediate reaction of trying to make some money off of it?
*out taking pictures of driveway for an eBay listing*
Is that the best their god can do? Shit, I could do better than that.
It’s Arizona, what can you expect?
Yesterday, my dog did a number two in the backyard in the shape of an A (atheist, what else could it mean?). But instead of notifying AzCentral.com, I kept it to myself
(the incident, not the doo doo). I had to get rid of that, it was attracting flies, in the shape of a cross!
Who do you think is stupider – Arizona or Florida?
Stupid is a whole other issue.
“nother” It’s a whole nother issue. Sorry, that’s just one of my pet peeves. When people use the word “other” where it clearly should be “nother.” 😉
Not clear at all. In British English “other” is correct and “nother” is not a word. “A whole nother” is a malformed phrase derived by splitting up the word “another”.
Question, is “nother” a word in US English? It seems to be debatable at best.
No, it’s not a word. I was joking (hence the smiley face at the end). But it’s still commonly used in speech (though rarely in writing) and I still love to say it.
Ah, sorry. I totally overlooked the smiley. I though you were being unusually dogmatic about a point which is at best debateable (or informal).
Cheers. 🙂
My in-laws live in Clearwater, Florida, and took me out one day, years ago, to show me the big water stain on the side of a bank building, which they said looked kind of like a blob, or maybe Space Ghost, but which the throngs of people worshipping it in the parking lot thought looked like the Virgin Mary.
My in-laws weren’t sure whether to facepalm, to point and laugh, or just to sigh and move on. They assured my wife and me that people like that get bored after a couple months and leave, and, indeed, that’s what happened.
So I vote for Florida. There are some smart people there, but, in general, the smart people who live there do a LOT of facepalming at their neighbors.
Louisiana.
The emergence of the brain dead zombies in Arizona. 30 years ago, Arizona was a very nice place. It has since become a place of all kinds of right-wing nut bags. I used to love Phoenix, now I’d be afraid to visit.
I hear ya! (While I couldn’t access Jerry’s link at AZCentral, I did find this .. and yeah, that is kinda scary: http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/free/20131226washington-man-kills-betty-goat-sacrifice.html )
Oh wait, that was in Washington ..
Oh well.
It is not all bad. Someday it will be a great place again, and not just the landscape, but all the people.
Perhaps this was really an upside-down cross, and it was a holy message of disapproval 😉
it looks a little burned to me. Do the …. sorry ; wrong question. HOW MANY chapters do the KKK have in Arizona? I’d have thought the prospect of taking semi-legal pot shots at people of a non-pink skin colour would have them swarming like flies to … well that’s been discussed up-thread.
Hmm.. am I the only one getting this “Cookies must be enabled to view articles on azcentral.com” message when trying to access Jerry’s link?
*cookies ARE enabled!*
I get “login or subscribe “$9.99
For $9.99 I can make my own ‘crossed’ cheesecake!
Hmm … since I couldn’t access that link I went to eBay to see if it was already for sale ..
I did a quick search on ‘cheesecake’ No crosses there (yet), but all the stuff that DID show up made me realize that the word ‘cheesecake’ may have different meanings that I wasn’t aware of until now.
am I the only one getting this “Cookies must be enabled to view articles on azcentral.com” message
I’m getting the same.
Dammit! Am I never going to allowed to watch online cheesecake?
oops: “be allowed” of course.
The true test of the miraculous will be if whoever eats the cheesecake fails to gain 3 kilos.
My metric system skill are lacking – why can’t you use normal units of measurement god intended? Which is to say, how many stone are there in a kilo?
There seems to be some confusion in the Bible as to whether igneous or metamorphic rocks are used for the standard – though one would assume that literalists would reject the very nature of metamorphic rocks 😉
For optimal biblically endorsed getting stoned, you’d want about two stone to the kilo. Much heavier and it’s hard to aim straight so you might unintentionally knock the victim unconscious, instead of causing severe pain as is JHWH/ Jeebus/ Allah’s intention.
I think most people could get stoned from one kilo. It does make it hard to aim straight, though.
“Which is to say, how many stone are there in a kilo?”
aboot 1/6
Why doesn’t jesus come down and cure cancer instead of cracking cheesecakes or showing up on potato chips or stains in your underwear?
Will you please stop confusing the faithful with such profound observations!
Same reason why he never dials 911, or heals amputees, or drives out enemies with iron chariots.
I think this looks more like a satellite dish.
I think that is the most wonderful idea, and I hope that they get lots of money for their charity from some rube who can spare it.
“People on eBay will eat this up.”
I see what you did there.
Cheesecake?
Fruitcakes!
☮ If the cheesecake had cracked to yield a peace sign, would these fruitloops have given up their personal arms cache? ☮
Not today! It’s Box of Ammo Day in Arizona! Grab your new gun and blast away!
Perpendicular lines? It’s a miracle!
And it proves that angles walk among us.
An acute observation. You’re right, of course. Those believers are so obtuse.
Le win de thread!
A free cheesecake for you!
The link just gives me an error message about cookies. I had to remove the nclick_check=1 from the URL for it to work right.
Odd .. even doing that didn’t get rid of that cookie message for me … but I found THIS link, that now works for me:
http://www.azcentral.com/community/scottsdale/articles/20131225scottsdale-family-cheesecake-crucifix-miracle.html
“If it was Jesus, why did he come back in a cheesecake instead of appearing as a person to the family …”
Well, you see, the divine message that was to be conveyed here was: “You really need to work on your cheesecake baking skills” .. and though Jesus probably DID consider coming to earth for it, he must have realized that that would probably have been considered as slight overkill.
On top of that, he may still have vivid recollections of how his last visit to earth ended. Not as joyous as he’d hoped!
And dog said unto them, albeit somewhat indirectly, the fat among you eat the small bits and the thinest the largest
If they’re selling foodstuffs, don’t they need some sort of license. Food hygiene rules, little things like that? Or are the godly exempt from bacteriology?
Not that I’m suggesting that an Arizona correspondent might wish to phone an appropriate office and lay the wrath of bureaucracy down upon them.
I’m channelling “Jules” from Pulp Fiction. Who had a better miracle.
If you look closely into those crevices you can see the teeny tiny frozen bodies of some prehistoric icemen, perfectly preserved. But oh no, everyone has to focus on the cross shape and the real story gets ignored.
As usual.
Ha! Good one!
Wow! The awesome power of the christian god on display here! I am off to church immediately!
Ha ha! I’m an atheist! I like peanut butter pie better than cheesecake. This so-called “miracle” does not impress me!
Looks more like a vagina to me
Ugh, than those ladies need to get to a gynaecologist! There might be a cream for that.
Nah.
This religious iconography looks like a vagina.
Cheers,
b&
Ha ha! Yes, that one does.
Ah Arizona…Arizona, how I love thee. So beautiful a state. The powers of the people of Scottsdale: what have you done with reason?
How does it go…you will not get your cake and you will not eat it today…you will endorse luncay and perpatuate the disease of shallow fiction.
Found it!
http://www.gocomics.com/baldo/2005/03/19#.Urzw8YWKykY
Those look more like lick marks from a DOGS tongue rather than a sign from GOD. Remember, DOG is GOD spelled backwards so GOD used the DOGs tongue to do his work!
GOOD DOG!
I guess some people will do anything to hide their poor cooking skills.
Someone has probably pointed this out before, but are we sure it isn’t an upside down cross and therefore a sign from, could it be… SATAN??
A cross on a cheesecake sounds like worrying times to me. This is a sign of the lord and all of his disciples being raised from the dead, so I urge everybody to check your kitchen cupboards right away!!