46 thoughts on “A physics joke”

  3. One atom says to another, “I think I’ve lost an electron.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes — I’m positive!”

    If you don’t care for beef, at least try the lobster….

    b&

    1. What are the charges raised against the crustacean?
      (Tried lobster once ; won’t bother again.)

        1. That xkcd is true. I imagine spiders taste like lobster & the big ones are eaten in some places in the world.

        2. There are people who occasionally eat spiders. I’ve seen reports from the South American jungles and Sarawak. I’d be surprised if there weren’t others.

  6. Great joke, but I like this version:

    A Higgs boson is stopped at the door of a church by a priest. “Ah! You’re here to confess?” “No,” says the boson, “I’m here to provide the mass.”

  8. An enduring mystery of physics is how physics jokes can be funny, yet no one has found the required hilaron.

    1. hilarion sounds better and works better from one angle, but I can see why you dropped the i. But i would still have kept it in.

  9. Nice one.
    A variant made the rounds last year:

    A priest, a Higgs boson and a neutrino walk into a bar. The bartender asks: “Say, what do you guys do for a living?”
    The Priest and the Higgs say: ”I give mass.”
    The neutrino frowns: “Not my field.”

  11. Why is physics like sex?
    It may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it! (Richard Feynman).

    More physics jokes at
    http://www.paulruffle.com/physicsjokes.htm

    And one of mine:

    A Higgs Boson went into a gym to work out and lose weight but it was a massive failure and the gym instructor said “Mr Higgs Boson, this is clearly not your field”.

    I will suffer whatever opprobrium this generates in silence.

    1. I will suffer whatever opprobrium this generates in silence.

      Not after we subject you to the Comfy Chair. Ha! Bet you didn’t expect that!

      b&

      1. Sorry for being so dense (it the Higgs
        Bosons fault) but what is the Comfy Chair
        and what happens when I am subjected to it???

          1. Still don’t get it, nor the Python
            reference. Python is a programming language isn’t it?
            For not helping me with this I punish you with
            the following:
            Another physics joke (or pun) from yours truly:

            A Higgs Boson barged into a particle party to which it was not invited past the W and Z bosons that tried to keep it out but were too weak to resist.

            To get this one check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W_and_Z_bosons.

            Isn’t it awful.

            And I’m too weak to resist trying to make up these jokes.
            I drove a good friend to distraction with my
            Bagel jokes, but finally ran out of possibilities. So watch out!!

          2. Erm…well…you claimed you would remain silent…and I countered that you wouldn’t after being subjected to the Comfy Chair, the most horrific imaginable torture device.

            And the skit was by Monty Python…but Python is also the name of a scripting language, and Perl and Ruby are also scripting languages….

            b&

          3. Well I wasn’t silent because I didn’t
            understand that the comments were opprobrium.
            So I didn’t lie. Besides I am too dense to be insulted. I’ll have to check out the Monty Python skit.

            This reminds me of a Fernandel film, Francois Premier, in which his character travels back in time and is tortured by the clergy by having salt put on the bottom of his bare feet and a goat lick the salt off, tickling him ferociously. Is the Comfy Chair something like that??

          5. Hello Ben

            I finally checked out the Comfy Chair
            in which the lady was to stau until lunchtime.
            I see that its lunchtime for me now so the
            torture will stop.

            Thanks

  12. A neutrino walks into a bar. “What do you want to drink?”, asks the bartender; the neutrino answers, “Nothing, just passing through”.

  15. Thanks, Brian Mohammed. I smiled at most of those (the ones I got), but laughed out loud at the dozen loaves of bread! Good one!

  16. The “And don’t forget to try the roast beef.” was funnier than the physics joke. 🙂

  17. A Higgs boson walks into a Catholic church. The priest says, “Hey, you can’t be in here!”
    To which the Higgs replies, “Why not? You can’t have mass without me.”
    Then the priest shrugged and said “It doesn’t really matter.”

  18. A policeman pulls over an electron on a motorway and says “Excuse me, sir, did you know you were going at 85mph?”
    The electron scowls at him and replies “Oh great. Now I’m lost.”

  19. A Higgs boson walks into a Catholic church. The priest says, “Hey, you can’t be in here!”
    To which the Higgs replies, “Why not? You can’t have mass without me.” The priest says “yes, but there’s evidence you exist.”

  20. Rene Descartes walks into his neighborhood bar. The bartender asks, “Will you be having your usual, sir?” Descartes replies, “I think not”, and promptly disappears.

  21. There was a young man named Fisk.
    Whose fencing was agile and brisk.
    So swift was his action
    the FitzGerald contraction
    diminished his sword to a disk.

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