NOTE: Click pictures to enlarge if you can’t read the confessions!
On January 10 I announced the Cat Confession Contest, in which readers were to submit a photo of their cat along with the cat’s true written confession of some awful behavior it showed. The prize was an autographed copy of WEIT with a hand-drawn cat to the winner’s specification.
I’m pleased to announce that there were many entries, and all of them were funny. This truly demonstrates the readers’ ingenuity—or perhaps just the malicious behavior of their cats, as their are some truly bad behaviors described in the photos below.
Some of the readers fleshed out their picture and confession with a written description.
Feel free to weigh in with your favorites in the comments below, although our panel of celebrity judges will ultimately narrow this list down to the Top Five, whereup we will confab to arrive at the winner. Stay tuned.
Reader Yofi was the first entrant:
Reader Michael sent us these of his Maxwell, Darwin and Gili:
Kevin’s cat Lyra, who may or may not be telling the truth:
Gethyn and Laurie send us Theo’s confession:
Anne sends us Fletcher:
Greg’s Talitha confessing to her vile misdeed:
Not so much a confession as a public shaming from Michael C.
Attached is a copy of a photo I took last year after my tabby, Rocket, left me a “present”. For some reason he feels compelled to prove to me that he is a good hunter (and he is a most excellent hunter) because he routinely brings me the remains that he doesn’t want. This time I happened to be asleep. He seemed deeply perplexed at my consternation at findings the heads and the unidentified organ that he never eats; he must like not like taste. I am an immunologist and have worked for years with murine models so I’ve seen rodent innards. I simply cannot positively identify this organ – it looks like a pancreas with bits of adjacent viscera, but I really don’t care to look very closely. Part of me wants to believe he is sharing the bounty with his family but I suspect it’s a reminder -and a warning- of just how ferocious he can be.
Reader Isabelle writes us:
Hugo hung himself in the vertical blind cord when he jumped from the windowsill. The noise he made was the reason I quickly found him in his predicament. Good thing I was home; I don’t want to think about what shape he’d be in if he had been like this for hours. And yes, the cords have since been shortened so it doesn’t happen again.
And the confession itself:
Bo sends us Maxie’s distressingly unapologetic confession:
Reader Erin send us this confession:
This is Sophie, murderer of expensive laptops. I should have known she was trouble from the day I adopted her: just look at that evil little black mustache. Lesson learned: never, never, never leave liquids unattended.
Janet sends us this one:
Chairman Meow doesn’t look very ashamed but he should be. He is an amazingly efficient bird catcher, only ameliorated by the fact that they are mostly Indian Minors. If we didn’t keep him in overnight he’d even worse.
Gerry B sends us a confession from his 10 year old Wombat, which may or may not constitute slander:
Watson introduces us to Tilda, who has only the one bad habit:
Paulino sends us what is less of a cat confession and more of a human confession.
So this day we were out of that cat food, and I was grabbing some food for my lunch at fridge, and here comes Chico who sees me at the fridge and starts mewing. I said “Sorry pal, no snacks for you.” and proceeded to heat my plate at micro-wave. Chico is still following me mewing hysterically, “Dude chill out, I’ll get you some wet food later.” I take my plate to table, and the second I place it there Chico jumps right on top of it. I got startled and yelled “WTF Chico!” and he starts running on top of food, sending it all over. That’s what I get for forgetting his snacks…
BJ sends us this confession from trouble-starter Gordon, who is evidently into hard core entertainment:
Nemo belongs to Reader Helen. Or perhaps that should be the other way around:
Thaddeus reveals all about his evil cat Mayhem:
Mayhem is notorious in the neighbourhood for breaking into people’s houses. I know of at least 5 houses in the area that he will just let himself into, one neighbour has such a problem with him that I am purchasing an electronic cat door to let his cats in and out and keep Mayhem out. Mayhem has also killed and at least part eaten: 2 guinea pigs, 2 hamsters, and a rabbit.
Thaddeus’ daughter Victoria seems to be continuing a family tradition:
Fatty is lovely and cute and invites interaction but once you are within range he attacks. He is not blatant in his assault, he is subtle and stalks his prey.
I think there is a lesson to be learned here: should you ever receive an invitation from Thaddeus or Victoria, accept at once as they seem like lovely people. But do be sensible and wear a suit of armor, preferably in plated steel from the Middle Ages.
Reader Tracy sends us Ferb’s confession:
Reader Nash sends us the True Confession of Shamrock, previously featured on this site. Shamrock has gone on to higher fame at the Internet Cat Film Festival, but evidently hasn’t forgotten the little folk who gave her her first break in The Biz.
“If eating toilet paper is wrong, then I don’t want to be right” she says.
Reader Andrea went to enormous trouble to obtain permission for a photo shoot with her polydactyled Tulsi, and had to create an elaborate set-up complete with stand-in before Her Royal Highness would deign to pose.
And the stand-in for this photo-shoot:
Reader Liddell has a lot of shaming to do:
Cat Shame 1: Boo has never watched his granddad (my dad) in the televised ANZAC Day march, despite my enthusiastic efforts to get him to look at the screen. If the old man was a meerkat or a noisy bird on the telly, this would not be an issue.
Cat Shame 2 & 4: Boo refuses to pose nicely for his birthday photos (16th and 19th pictured here). Perhaps he believes he deserves a fancier type of party than just a family dinner and being made to wear giant novelty sunglasses? He even harrumphed his way through expensive professional photography by Australia’s most awarded animal photographer, as shown here.
Cat Shame 3: Boo would not wear the jumper Granddad bought him, and that I think would be a good idea in the cold weather. In my day, you plastered on a smile when grandparents gifted you an ugly jumper, and you wore both until they left.
Boo is overwhelmingly a good boy, but in these instances, his care factor was precisely zero. Therefore, I believe he is a strong contender in this contest.
From readers Joe and Crystal:
This is Kenny confessing to stealing breakfast. He has been known to steal bacon sausage eggs and waffles and to drop and hiss at it if it is too hot for his liking. He was featured on your website previously in the reader cat photos playing the ukulele.
And sadly, a posthumous cat confession from Charlie:
Moses (a.k.a. ‘Leader of His People’) sadly died a few months ago. He matured into a smelly sort of inbred respectability, but in his youth he was quite wild. And it is true that he pulled three and only three books off the bookshelf, and that all three are as listed in the confession below.
Bruce, previously of sloth-fame on this website sent us this confession from his cat Houdini:
Reader Su sent us a confession from Seventeen year old Cal:
Cat Murka admits nothing:
Sastra sends us the confession of her cat Shirley.
Please note that the Unattended Plate she is licking had contained flapjacks and she is going after the leftover maple syrup. Cats are simply not capable of tasting “sweetness.” So it is pure cussed orneriness which motivates her — which includes the desire to get away with what she knows she must not do.
Very young twin readers Brianna & Connor (who belong to reader darrelle) both decided to get their felid to ‘fess up to True Misdeeds:
Reader Sarah gets her Flippy to confess his misdeeds:
Reader Vierotchka sent us her cat’s confession (and we’re sorry we missed it at first)
Reader Nicole sent us her cat’s confession:
My cat’s name is Ginger Bravo and his desire to obtain new chew toys forces us to keep all loaves of bread safely ensconced in a cabinet or risk having spent $5 to entertain him for five minutes.
David sent us one of his non-confessing felid:
Hobbes is wonderfully affectionate 12 years old cat and nightly crawls under the covers of the bed and falls asleep in the crook of my arm as I lie on my side.
I was compelled to formulate Butter’s sign of shame as a haiku.
Reader Suri Kate sent us this:
Here’s my kittie’s confession, she has a thing for Katie Perry’s songs so in the spirit of ‘I kissed a girl’ here’s Morgana the cat.
From reader Helene:
Meet Mr mumps. He likes to play with framed art and pull things off shelves. And recently he had taken an interest in knocking the needle of the playing record. He also seems to greatly enjoy chewing on my earphones regardless of materials. He leaves my husband’s earphones alone though. I guess I am special.
And last but not least, from reader Tubby Fleck:
This is Orson, a very gentle, laid back cat who likes to coat my pillow in his fur. And so I shame him for inciting my allergies. If you want I have a photo where I caught him sleeping on my pillow and snapped a shot before he moved. He knows his shame. . . or at least the camera.