Photos of readers

Today’s photo (and the last one in the queue) is from reader Sleazeweazel, whose words are indented, and in the form of a letter to the proprietor. Be sure to send in your submission (remember, two photos max, though I’ve made an exception today).

July 11, 2020
Professor C. Cat:
Why Evolution is True
Re: Photos of readers

Newsflash!: “ Coronavirus pandemic spread by butterflies!

Deep in the fetid swamps of north Florida faithful WEIT reader Sleazeweazel, an environmental designer and resident of Wacahoota, has discovered the true cause of the Covid-19 pandemic. Worst of all, as we so feared, the virus is rapidly mutating into ever more virulent forms.

We know from the pronouncements of our President that the virus was first developed by proponents of the New World Order in a clandestine laboratory in Wuhan, China. This artificial organism was originally designed for use in biological warfare; however, an accident in the laboratory contaminated the Chief Scientist’s dog which was subsequently sold in the wet market, thus releasing this terrible plague upon the world. Once released the virus began to mutate.

Most virus genomes are too small to easily explain their rapid evolution by the conventional means of natural selection; so, to provide the diversity necessary for rapid adaptation, many viruses utilize horizontal gene transfer (HGT), a scenario in which a fragment of the genome of an otherwise unrelated species is incorporated into the genome of the coronavirus. In urban environments the Covid-19 virus uses HGT to share genetic information with other coronaviruses. The chimeric monstrosity thus produced can easily overwhelm the immune response of any host.

By this time we are all familiar with the famous microphotograph of the Covid organism taken by the super secret Macrame laboratory in Palo Alto.

In remote wetlands throughout the southern United States, a far more ominous development is taking place. There, in dank wet nooks, the Covid coronavirus is sharing material with members of the Nucleocytoviricota, better known as the Giant viruses. These are not yet known to infect humans, but are suspected to be rampant among tigers, pangolins, civet dogs, and other potential vectors commonly encountered in the bush meat trade.

So it was that the Weazel was exploring a wetland in north Florida in search of the elusive but delicious armadillo and there encountered the extraordinarily large viron seen below. Worst of all, it was covered in butterflies that were transferring the contamitrons to poodle poop and other nearby environmental surfaces. At first I had no idea of its lethality, so I foolishly picked it up for closer examination!

This enormous virus has now been classified by taxonomists as Coronovirus cephalanthus subsp. occidentalis. Fortunately, it is too large to be easily inhaled.

Further explorations deeper into the swamp revealed an even more dangerous mutant form now classified as Coronavirus mimosa subsp. strigillosa. As you can see from the yellow knobs on the ends of the spikes, this viron is ripe and ready to infect any passerby that might inadvertently become lost in the jungle.

Thus far the Weazel is asymptomatic, but for safety sake he is sequestering deep in the woods of Weazelworld to await herd immunity.

We do not yet know the full extent of the danger posed by these new mutant coronaviruses, so readers are urged to remain in crowded cities, avoid butterflies, and stay glued to the tube for late breaking news!

Your correspondent on the front lines of cryptobiology,

Sleazeweazel